Staff Note I: This is a controversial issue with varying perspectives. Our guest author is expressing one perspective; we encourage others to respectfully discuss their own perspective in the comments or submit your thoughts as a guest piece. This article is meant to open up a discussion on this issue, rather than be a definitive stance on homosexuality.
Staff Note II: Comments have been closed on this post. We encourage positive and fruitful discussions, which we feel has already taken place in the comments of this article.
By Mohammed Yusuf
Muslims, I find, tend to be quite good at avoiding open discussions about deeply personal matters affecting our communities. The problem is, it is exactly this attitude that leads to the circulation of myths and the subsequent worsening of the original matter. Muslim communities tend to treat such deeply personal matters as elephants in the room. One such elephant is, of course, homosexuality—that someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender can also be a devout Muslim.
I am a student at a British university. I have not come out as homosexual and I happen to be quite active with my Islamic Society (ISoc) on campus. When I’m in the company of other students in the ISoc, I do hear a few “gay jokes” being made (although this is a wider societal problem too). In relation to these so-called jokes, do you think I enjoy that these jokes are essentially about someone like me? To those who make these jokes, given that no one has their sexual orientation stamped on their forehead, you’ve most probably already prayed alongside a homosexual without realizing. Let me ask you, was there anything ‘lesser’ about these people?
To those who have a conservative attitude towards homosexuals, given the homophobic rhetoric, attacks and social exclusion that a homosexual often has to put up with, do you genuinely believe that someone like me would have actively chosen to be gay rather than straight?
The number of times I have previously wished that I wasn’t homosexual…but that’s the whole point: you cannot choose to be homosexual (to put it another way, how many of you actively chose to have feelings for the opposite sex rather than the same sex?)
Homosexuality isn’t a choice. Muslim communities should stop sweeping the topic under the carpet and start providing the right kind of support and advice.
For starters, does your local mosque provide a confidential online or drop-in advice service? (Not a service run by a traditional-minded scholar who can barely speak English, but by someone who is fully aware of the contemporary environment, is a good communicator, and someone young people can relate to.) Does the Islamic Society at your university only ever discuss topics such as perfecting your prayers and how you can do charity? Or does it openly acknowledge that university is a time when you may have a whole range of personal issues, and therefore advertises suitable welfare services? Do our community leaders shun discussion of very personal problems or do they lead the way in acknowledging that personal problems do exist, and create initiatives to tackle these problems in an effective and Islamic way?
Ask yourself each of those questions and you will see that as a community we need to be doing far more to support the homosexuals among us.
Fortunately, I met an extremely knowledgeable Muslim who’d given a few talks at my university. I got to know this person, their open-minded nature, and knew I could approach them to discuss my homosexuality. The day we met up and I told them, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I no longer had to struggle on my own but could talk to somebody if I needed to. I then told a couple of my closest friends at university who I also knew I could trust. One of them afterwards gave me a hug, and that meant the world—knowing that this person wasn’t going to treat me any differently.
I’m now at a stage where being homosexual no longer bothers me as it once did, and I can now focus on the more important things in life. I have the odd struggle, but I guess sexuality just isn’t a straightforward thing. Having been through all the mental anguish though, I do feel for those who are on their own right now, unable to turn to anyone for advice and support. If you’re a Muslim struggling with your sexuality, I’m not going to offer you some generic advice as some scholars might, and then avoid your actual concerns altogether. I really wish I could point you in the right direction—but that’s part of the point of this article, that the Muslim community needs to do more to support those of us who are homosexual and Muslim.
I will say, though, that you’re definitely not alone. There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin. And contrary to how others may make you feel, you’re no less of a human being or a good Muslim. I wish you all the best, and really hope you find the support you need.
I find this article fascinating. As a Muslim, I believe its essential to understand where a person is coming from when they face an issue/problem. If you can understand, you can empathise and hence can help them deal with the issue.
The nuance between feelings and actions are delicate, and this article has been written well. Personally, from all the studies I have done, I understand the ACT of homosexuality to be a sin. However – a feeling towards the actions/intention is slightly more ambiguous as it is linked to the intention behind it.
Speaking generally:
– If someone has a feeling but no intention to act upon it, this is not only fine but it is rewarded in Islam. We cannot control what is in our hearts
– If someone has a feeling and resolves to act upon it but doesnt do it, some say this is a sin whilst others say it is not
– If someone has a feeling and acts upon it, that is the sin.
Saying that, the writer is perfectly right to suggest that a person with a homosexual feelings must not be shunned as they have done nothing wrong. However, I will go even further in saying that no one should be shunned EVEN if they do sin. We must welcome Muslims and non-Muslims in alike regardless of what they do. If we don’t, then how else can they expect to find the right company by which to change.
Baraka Allahu Feekum
Salam El Leh Kum to all,
I agree w/Talha however would like to add something further. Each of us are born to struggle within ourselves. We each have something to overcome and that is the essence of why we are here. Allah, Subhanallah, TaAllah) is testing our metal and those who resist wrong doing will be successful. I understand that no muslim should be shunned and as long as s/he understands that his feelings/thoughts are wrong and reaches out to the community for help then that help should be given. But for one to accept these feelings as if to say “this is how i am” and then I feel strongly this is wrong as it is plainly evident in the Quran and I need not add anything further. Again, we all struggle within ourselves, the goal is to overcome and not accept. I truly believe, and this coming from a person who suffered from depression for years (and how many people can understand depression unless they are in it) that if you try with all your might and put your trust in Allah then he will help you. Remember, Allah does not change a person unless s/he has the sincere intention to change within themselves. Brother, go to Mecca and ask Allah. He is the all hearer and healer. If you really love Allah as you claim you do, then put your trust in him and he will help you. I have myself overcome many difficulties over the years and I continue to suffer but knowing that Allah is there helps me tremendously. For the love of Allah, I will never, never accept my desires because that’s the easiest thing I could do and what a terrible state I would then be in. No, I will never stop the Jihad that’s within me until the day I die because I am a slave of Allah and not of myself or my desires. Salam El Leh Kum, Au Rathmatallah, Au barakatu.
totally agree with you talha..
“However, I will go even further in saying that no one should be shunned EVEN if they do sin.”
Completely right! Too often we push away our brothers and sisters for their sins and they end up only leaving Islam. We need to support one another, guide another, not push each other away. We should not judge one another — Allah SWT is the one and only Judge.
Well said: Only Allah can judge and who are we to judge for we have our own shortcomings as well and we are not perfect.
We all need to be accepting of each other and seek to understand and help and not judge and push away.
I have known a girl who was so close to converting to Islam and almost left because of the actions of some in the Muslim community, even an inappropriate behaviour of a local Imam. She was lucky that she found on her path others who were more open and helped her.
AOA,
Actually, in certain cases where people are sinning, “shunning” and other things are required.
There is a big difference between a person who is sinning in private versus public. A public major sinner is considered a FASIQ. There is a special term for them and people should avoid their company in order to protect themselves. And their actions SHOULD be shunned. They should be shamed by the community and feel ashamed. Without shame, society will end up in ruins. And by shame I mean don’t hang out with that person, don’t accept what they are doing, remind them of hell but also of the forgiveness of Allah swt. But their act definitely needs to be shunned. Especially if they are doing it in an open and arrogant manner. So if there is a Muslim man who openly is dating another Muslim man, the community needs to advise him, but also shun what he is doing and proclaim that it is a major sin in Islam punishable in Hell.
However, with all general advice, wisdom is needed. Sometimes people have severe addictions to things such as drugs, alcohol and even sex addictions. I would argue that their activities can still stay “private”, but if they choose to do them so openly and in the public, some type of consideration should be given to the way you deal with them because they might be physically or mentally addicted to something and have lost control of their minds.
Without going into legality issues, I know what you mean. I’m not a homosexual myself, but as a fellow ‘misfit’, I can certainly relate to your situation. I guess there are just things that the ‘mainstream’ are generally not capable of understanding. But He understands. So hope.
Respect to the brother who wrote this, homosexuality is certainly a topic that is swept under the carpet in Muslim cultures and not discussed openly and candidly.
Keep it up!
And now when somebody searches for “gay muslims” this article will be among the top. 🙂
Alhamdullilah!
Assalamualaikum brother. All i can say is pray to Allah to forgive all your sins. If you dont want to have that feeling of homosexuality because of fear in azab of Allah,then ask for His forgiveness and He is very near to us. Ask for His Guidance to banish such feelings. Afraid that feeling will be uncontrollable. You know what is huge thing in this duniya? Nafsu(strong desire). I pray that Allah will give you the answer 🙂
So being a homosexual still means you’re a ‘good muslim’ How does that work ?
Asalaam alaykum,
Gay Muslims can absolutely be good Muslims, their struggle is different than say mine or yours. I am happy to see this article, even though I am straight I am still and odd puzzle piece in our Ummah as one other poster put it(a misfit). But our community is so close minded on topics like drug or alcohol addiction, sexuality, women’s sexual addictions, etc. So much is swept under the rug or the ‘haram police’ berate you for it and that only brings shame and pain and distances some from the community when they need to be understood. Everyone in this world wants to know that they matter and that people hear them. Plain and simple. Allah is the only one to judge each of us and it will be up to Allah when we pass away, but only Allah truly knows what lies in our hearts and what struggles we have. Jazak Allah khayr.
Having feelings for the opposite sex and not acting on them means you’re still a ‘good Muslim’? how does that work?
That’s the trap, us humans should not be judging anybody as good or bad muslim. Allah will decide. What the article is trying to say is having homosexual feelings is still OK as long as you don’t commit the act of homosexuality.
I disagree when the writer says Homosexuality isn’t a choice. I wouldn’t exactly know if it is or isn’t as I am not homosexual.
like some comments say above: the ACT of homosexuality is a sin and any feelings that arise within you isn’t held accountable as a sin. Reflect on the mercy and justice of Allah the Almighty.
Allah does not hold us accountable for the thoughts and desires we have. If say I, a heterosexual man, thought a woman was incredibly beautiful, that is fine. And likewise a homosexual man can have the same thoughts about another man. The problem is when I start acting on these feelings and want to actually commit sins. (Such as asking the woman for ‘coffee’ or what have you)
To feel homosexual impulses and to act on those impulses are two very different things. Sexuality is not binary–there are many variations in what attracts us and stimulates our nafs.
For this guy to acknowledge his challenges and ask for help was praiseworthy. May Allah help him in his struggle, ameen!
Agree, I just said the same in my comment before reading yours as I just saw the article.
I will come back to it later to read remaining reactions to it.
I am surprised though that some people confuse being homosexual with acting on those feelings.
Are you a good muslim? How does that work?
The author already feels backed up into a corner, and your choice of words isn’t very helpful. Does the offensive approach make one a ‘good muslim’? Does heterosexuality make one a good muslim by default? None of us knows what his/her end will be, and none of us is in a position to judge another’s muslimness.
Brother Waleed…you say and ask the following… “So being a HOMOSEXUAL still means you’re a GOOD MUSLIM. How does that work?”
Firstly…what determines TRUE homosexuality? Are feelings/attraction for the same sex without acting on them the definition of homosexuality? Or is it the actual action of acting on those feelings towards the same sex that defines homosexuality?
As the saying goes; actions speak louder than words..or thoughts/feelings for that matter. People can think/feel/say whatever they want; but it’s the action (or lack thereof) that truly defines things.
I do feel that MANY (if not the vast majority) of homosexuals are born into it…just as how straight people are born into being straight. Just as how some people are born with pre-existing ailments such as mental handicap, blindness, lack of limbs, disorders and diseases of the heart or other bodily functions and organs, etc..people can see homosexuality as being born with a disorder of sexual orientation. And then some can see it as not necessarily having to be born with it; but that homosexuality can develop over time or all of a sudden in an individual.
At the same time; I do feel there are some that may not have been born homosexual..but because of certain environmental factors in the way they were raised for example; they either consciously or subconsciously evolve into an attraction for the same sex.
Food for thought.
Good Point
It is only when you act upon your thoughts that it becomes a sin.
Interesting article..
This is an issue which needs to be discussed more often. I joined a small online community which supports and guides muslim with same sex attraction. We also have a small yahoo forum where we often discuss and help one another
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StraightStruggle/
Yes, same sex attraction is an issue not to be completely swept under the carpet, but neither is it something that has to be broadcast to the world. Essentially its a private matter, what sexual tendencies someone may have or may not is entirely their business and certainly does not impact on my life. That’s not to say that there shouldn’t be support networks for individuals who need that support.
totally agree with author.
Aslk brother Yusuf,
It is good that you bought up the topic, the discussion of which is still a taboo not just in the islamic world but also in greater part of the world.
Let me try answering your questions purely based on my personal opinion and experiences.
1. Does your local mosque provide a confidential online or drop-in advice service?
Ans: Nope. Online services and technology based communication in mosques is in a nascent or even non existent state (In asia, middle east and parts of europe). Usually if one has any issues, he/she will personally approach the imam or any learned person like you did and get their answers. However confidentiality of the matter is uncertain.
2. Does the Islamic Society at your university only ever discuss topics such as perfecting your prayers and how you can do charity? Or does it openly acknowledge that university is a time when you may have a whole range of personal issues, and therefore advertises suitable welfare services?
Ans: NO. Again a negative answer here. Islamic societies at university level majorly focuses on the basic principles of islam and how to be better at it. The reason behind this is most of the dawah work is done by the people who are knowledgable only in basics and does not pursue their knowledge to a level sufficient enough to do the analysis with koran/hadiths and their interpretation relevant in todays time.
3. Do our community leaders shun discussion of very personal problems or do they lead the way in acknowledging that personal problems do exist, and create initiatives to tackle these problems in an effective and Islamic way?
Ans: I think community leaders are well aware of personal problems existing in the society. To my knowledge, it is difficult for them to comprehend the concept of Gays or homosexuality in general, since there is no straight forward mention of such things, be it in koran or hadiths. This is a modern world culture. So, they always try to avoid such topics or totally shun the concept. I strongly feel that they need to discuss more on this topic and come out with convenient solutions in the light of islamic principles.
One more thing I would like to add. You have mentioned that homosexuality not being a choice. It is not just homosexuality, there are others such as sex, physical well being and beauty! These things are not choice but somethings which we get by birth. The important thing here is we as believers of islam adapt ourselves to what koran and hadiths say!
Maybe others could shed some more light on the discussion.
PS: I am not gay. I am a person who would any
Salaam wa alaikom dear brother,
If somebody has such urges, it does not justify them acting upon it. Feeling attracted to the same gender is that having such urges and conquering them is a part of the test Allāh has given them. Each one of us is tried in different ways, and merely wanting to do an act is not justification enough to carry it out. Imagine if we were to open this door, and legitimize acting upon an urge merely because it existed!
Allah Azza wa Jall mentions in the His glorious book about the story of Prophet Lut and how Allah T’ala wiped the entire people because they were practicing homosexuality. Cities of Sodom and Gomorrah are reminders of punishment suffered by the people who committed homosexuality.
Of all creatures in the world, do you approach males and leave those whom Allah created for you as your mates? But, rather, you transgressors! (Al-Sh’ura 26: 165-166)
In another verse, Allah says concerning His prophet, Lut: Truly, they were an evil people, perverted! (Al-Anbiya 21:84)
And I firmly believe – and this is my theory, and it may be wrong – that the primary reason why we are seeing a rise in such unnatural inclinations is because of the proliferation of sexual images and the increasement of public sexuality around us. What this proliferation has done is to desensitize us to that which we should not be desensitized to. We are constantly bombarded with images of the most beautiful women and the most handsome men, and such images are a temptation to those of the opposite gender. Wherever we look, whether its TV, advertisements, magazines, the internet, or even simply strolling down a public road, we constantly see the most sexually charged images possible. Sexuality is always flaunted in our faces. And the proliferation of such overt sexuality desensitizes our normal sexuality. It is amazing that looking at a scantily clad gorgeous model in an advert hardly elicits any sexual arousal amongst people of our generation, whereas just a few decades ago that very image might have been banned in some Western countries, or at least never displayed in public.
I recommend the reading by Yaser Qhadi below:
http://muslimmatters.org/2009/04/13/dealing-with-homosexual-urges/
May Allah Azza wa Jall forgive our sins and help us control our nafs and help us to not fall in the pleasures of the dunya so that we may have a beautiful akhira, ameen.
If Allāh has tested you in this manner, then that is a part of your test and trial, and Allāh says in the Qur’an, ‘And Allāh does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.’
Another point to realize is that the urge, in and of itself, is not sinful. It is simply a desire, and desires are beyond our control, hence we are not accountable for them. But to allow such feelings to persist without trying to control them is problematic. In any case, the urge in and of itself is not sinful, acting on the urge is what incurs sin. As long as the desire remains in the realm of feeling, you are not accountable on the Day of Judgment, but the second that this desire is manifested in a physical action, you are liable for all that follows.
It is a very tough time for Muslims at the moment, we are trying to comform two clashing identities, hoping that they somehow fit. The more homosexuality is accepted in the Western world, the more Muslims would try and accept it within Islam. Islam was created as the perfect guideline for us in how to live our lives. The Quran is very clear on the matter of homosexuality. Like all other sins, you will be judged on whether you act upon those desires.
Such a great article… I certainly respect these thoughts. I recently met a sister who had just converted to Islam. She told me about her struggles with her family, the amazing journey by which she found Islam, etc… but what she was terrified about was that she was gay. She kept asking me what Islam taught about this, and I am ashamed to say that even though it’s my job to help such people, I did not have any knowledge about this topic. As Islam spreads in the West, we will have to deal with such non-traditional topics more frequently. I hope I can have answers for her that strengthen instead of destroying her newfound faith.
Asalamualaykum, To the author; Your blog is an example of so many struggles our youth face today. Especially the youth of the west who live among a law which is different than our own. I know, because I was one of those youths as well. I feel everyone is born with some inner struggle that they live with. Your struggle is a very hard one, but there are heterosexuals who do not have to deal with the struggle you are facing, but they have their own struggle. Most, if not all, struggles have to do with your Nafs. In Islam, the one who is successful is the one who can control his Nafs. You did not go into detail about your communication with that knowledgable Muslim who helped you and what your current feeling about your situation is. It is not a sin to think the thought but it is a sin do act upon it. I pray that Allah guides you and gives you strenght to control this Nafs and be content in living in a halal manner.
May Allah bless you Mohammed Yusuf and make you a means of benefiting our communities in every way!
What was the point of publishing this?
If I took this article and changed the word homosexual with the word alcoholic would it be fit to publish? Pick your sin, whatever it is, your sin won’t be legitimized wether you call it a lifestyle, or you call it something uncontrollable whatever it is don’t expose your own sins. I am sure you can find other articles on this site explaining the benefits of not exposing your sins. If you want to go to a counselor to get help that is different.
The analogy doesn’t work. An alcoholic is someone who at point took the decision to consume alcohol and was unable to give up the act of drinking alcohol. A homosexual is someone who has same-sex urges without having chosen them, just like a heterosexual person has sexual desires about the opposite sex that he/she didn’t choose.
A heterosexual is still a heterosexual even if he/she doesn’t act on their desires, just like a homosexual is still a homosexual even if they don’t act on their desires. However, an alcoholic is an alcoholic because they keep drinking alcohol.
So the analogy doesn’t work.
Assalamualikum Wrt Brkt,
I would like kindly point out something, homosexuality is not a choice but its your choice if you act upon it and that is what is forbidden in Islam. I agree, our Muslim communities should discuss the topic more often in order to help people overcome it and not act upon it! and Marriage(opposite genders ofcourse) is one of the ways to overcome the problem of the nafs and to ask Allah swt endlessly to guide you to right path!
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I have no problem with shaking hands or hugging or even befriending my brothers who have these perverse desires….
However you need to make it more clear in your article that you understand the act is a major sin, not just a minor sin and it, like other immoralities is something to be resisted.
Interesting. Acting upon homosexual desires is a sin, as is acting upon heterosexual desires outside the contract of marriage.
What is next? Adultery? Should the mosque provide hotlines or confessionals for heterosexual crimes and other immoral actions also?
Morality must be preserved and especially in times like these when immorality seems to be growing, encouraged in all walks of life and is readily available.
It is very hard for the moral fabric of society to be repaired once it starts to decay. This is one way of decaying.
I find it fascinating that some imams and scholars endorse political candidates who support same sex marriage and abortion. Weren’t the people of Lut (AS) the most severely punished by God due to their immorality? Didn’t the Prophet (PBUH) put an end to infanticide about which we so proudly tell our children?
God’s message is for all times. If he said homosexuality is a sin centuries ago, it is a sin today.
Stop twisting religion to conform to the immorality of today.
Hello borthers and sisters,
I have conflicted feelings about this issue. How many of you know that homosexuality is decided in the mother’s womb??? the fetus receives sort of…shots of testosteron which determine the geography of his/her brain so to say. our brains are slightly different as men and women and the difference is decided by this shots. the explanation is longer and i do not remember it all but from a medical, scientific and factual perspective your future sexual orientation is decided before you were even born. which is to say, you were created this way. so with Allah’s knowledge, praise Him. I know we are taught homosexuality is sin, but i beg you inform yourself before you judge anyone harshly. Besides,knowledge is a blessing and we are encouraged to seek it. May peace be upon you, and the best of wishes to you brother 🙂
We have to realize that there are multiple types of sins. But that doesn’t mean that person cannot be Muslim because of that. So many Muslims have sex before marriage which is a sin but no one can say that they are no longer Muslim because they did that. In the same way, we simply need to believe and accept that the act of homosexuality is a sin, but unless acted upon, those individuals do not become sinners- and even if they do, we have no right to judge them or exile them because they are Muslim sinners just like me, you, and every other Muslim. And ofcourse we should remember to not flaunt or flaws or sins.
as salaam alaikum,
No one chooses to be an alcoholic, either, but that still doesn’t make it halal.
I’m not saying this to be rude, but this is the truth 100%. Having urges or thoughts is not haraam but basing an entire lifestyle on the haraam is certainly not a good thing.
Oh and for the record, I’ve also probably prayed next to people who commit zinna. I don’t think I’m better than them, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to come out and say zinna isn’t a sin when we all know that it is for sure.
Alcoholism is different homosexuality. Zinna is also different from homosexuality. Both of these urges have to be acted upon to become sin. You cannot be an alcoholic before ever consuming alcohol, and zina only becomes a sin once you’ve had sex. Being a homosexual (having an attraction to the same gender) is not inherently a sin in Islam because having that innate attraction is completely normal and God-given. Now, acting upon those lusts and desires can become zinna or even extramarital sex.
Homosexuality is a topic that our nation is dealing with right now, so Muslims should be able to talk about it.
Gays should still go to the mosque and pray as we all should.
I do not think that any Muslim should openly expose actions that have been deemed haram to anyone as it is no one’s business and that others should also cover the sin of his brethren if he is aware.
If we went around as police, face it, the mosque would be empty with all the affairs, premarital sex, molestation, drinking, drugs, riba, domestic violence and one thing that the community often overlooks and that is the sin of gossip, which is dismissed like nothing.
I think more mosques need counseling in general and those with funds, need to reallocate them instead of wasting them on frivolous items or giving contracts to themselves or friends and board members.
We need a healthy community, but how do you get all of the different age groups, class, education levels, and types of Islamic understanding on the same page?
Perhaps, we can all do something and that is stand up against bullying (back biting, exclusion, violence) in our masjids.
Suhaib has told the drug users to come to the mosque and if anyone bothers them, just let him know.
We should all be able to stand for justice if want change and justice for ourselves.
That means when a brother or a sister calls out a group of bullies in the mosque who feel sanctified in their actions which they do not see as actually haram, you all go and back up the underdogs.
I also am not afraid to call the police if the mosque leaders and community cannot handle their role and I will not cover up for this behavior.
If one has a tendency or desire to act out in a particular way that is forbidden in Islam but is able to resist his temptations or urges i.e not act it out then I wouldn’t be surprized that technically he would be at the same standing as one who does not have such desires in the first place. Personally I have had the very strong desire to physically hit someone in the face out of anger or break the vending machine. Many times I’ve wanted to give the receptionist a really good shouting. But I control myself and don’t act out.
In fact he may even be rewarded for trying
It’s important to differentiate between someone having a homosexual orientation and committing a homosexual act. Islam prescribes the punishment for the act, not for the orientation. So even if Allah did create homosexuals, this is a trial for them and they must resist committing the act and try to seek Islamic counselling.
then I guess no one should be held accountable for their sins, cz in the end our desires drive us, and we are just victims to them, why to accuse pedophiles then?! or rapers?! may be those have never had a chance to think otherwise!
Let’s all not fall for this opinion or we all are gonna be doomed.
Anyone might have desires which might be their own tests from Allah, but we all should fight to be on the right path, ok?
What the author is saying is that feeling exist within people. Some of them are very confusing. And is there not a place for people to go to discuss their feelings and thoughts? The reality is that there are many within the Muslim community. But like other issues such as domestic violence, etc. rarely discussed. So people hide in isolation that often take them does the wrong path.
Waleed: is a good Muslim someone who has feeling and resists the actinos. It is like the Muslim with the urge to quick anger and fights it. Are they “good or bad?” Someone can have these feelings and they don’t know why. As long as there is no “act” upon it then is it “good or bad?”
Assalamoalaikum
I am unable to understand what this brother wants to convey …
If u r making ur way smooth of saying that homosexuality should be legal then i dont agree with u …
As long as talking to some one and discussing about the issue and trying to over come it with true intentions , is concerned, that should be appreciated as u mentioned in ur article
But that should be done in private.
I’d say if it is a psychological problem of not being attracted to the opp sex, then choose to not involve in sexual intimacy with the same sex. Only that is forbidden, to sleep with someone of your own sex.
As for marriage of homosexuals, fasting would be a very good alternative. They can become single parents raising kids who are destined to be Orphans.
I’d agree that homosexuality is not a choice. Then those people should be given guidance on not committing what has been prescribed as sinful.
I have a gay friend and he is a far better human being than the bearded haraam Police in my friends circle.
This was very brave of you. Know that there are many other Muslims, gay and straight, who will accept you just as you come. I admire your strength in accepting who you are, sharing your journey with others, and recognizing that Islam is accepting of you, too. There are many who would have turned away from the religion b/c of the way people interpret it and the added challenges of being a practicing gay Muslim. Pay no mind to the chastisers and keep on keepin’ on. Fi Amanillah :).
The Christians have been debating this for two decades, so there’s probably some interesting insights there.
1) Their liberal denominations have decided that God’s precepts on this one must be broken in order to be “loving.” As Muslims, we have to reject this.
2) The conservative denominations have pointed out that having a sexual feeling is not a sin, regardless of which gender those feelings are towards. What is a sin is ACTING on those feelings (sex) outside of marriage, and because marriage is only between men and women, the correct (sinless) behavior of a homosexual is to abstain from sex. Permanently. (Sounds harsh, be we should not be ruled by our bodies — we should be ruled by God. We are all challenged by sin in various ways in our lives, and this is just one of those challenges which for some is more difficult than others.)
Being homosexual vs. a practicing homosexual are two different things. You may not be able to control your feelings but you can control your actions. Just something I thought I would throw out there… Good luck to you brother! May Allah swt make this easy on you. Ameen.
I feel like this article is a subtle form of promotion.
The “I’m ok your ok” vibe on this issue isn’t working with me. Get some counseling and medication if needed.
??? he said he had counseling. Please read the whole article.
Counseling won’t help, as most counselors nowadays have taken on the role of the confessional, and all they do is absolve you of your sins.
“You can’t help how you feel and God won’t hold you accountable for being who you are.”
Glad to see this topic being discussed in a respectful heart felt manner, pity a disclaimer had to be given at the start of this piece.
Although I find the article intriguing, the Qur’an has made it perfectly clear what the position of homosexuality is. Previous civilisations were destroyed because of homosexuality being in abundance.
Shaitan will come at us from all directions; he fools us into thinking and believing what we are doing is right. Didn’t Shaitan make the son of Adam a.s. believe that he was doing the right thing by murdering his brother? Doesn’t Shaitan make us believe that we’ll get away with lying and that it will do no harm? People carry on doing wrong acts for long lengths of time in the belief that they aren’t doing anything wrong. This is Shaitan’s trickery – nothing less.
I would suggest Ruqya – it may be the bringer of guidance into your life. The Qur’an and Sunnah have clearly outlined what is and is not acceptable in Islam and from a Muslim. We shouldn’t find excuses for something that is not accepted in Islam.
Assalam alaikum
It is a very interesting article. I have been privileged to work with a number of Imams and community leaders and have actually discussed this with them because I faced a similar situation in my ISoc. What I found is that every single one of them had actually dealt with homosexuality or generally sinful sexuality issues. I think possibly that those who aren’t in communication with a wide array Imams or community leaders (or even just locally) will easily make the assumption that they don’t deal with these issues, but have we even asked to find out? I think just because the mosque or ISoc doesn’t have a big sign, a telephone hotline or campaign about it doesn’t mean that this isn’t being dealt with. Although I agree more needs to be done to help those who are inclined in a sexually unacceptable way to be helped away from their sin. Allah knows best.
May Allah help the brother who wrote this – if one has sinful inclinations and holds themselves back from it then there is reward! Clearly this brother knows and remembers the magnitude of this major sin which earned the people of prophet Lot (pbuh) three punishments when other people only received one. However, I don’t think it is correct to say that one can be homosexual and a good Muslim – if you do not act upon your homosexual inclination then you are not homosexual, you are just a good Muslim!
Fouzan
So true.i agree with you
I’m not a scholar but i believe that one is not a sinner unless he acts upon it. If one is struggling with thoughts of sinning, then that person should have someone to turn to better themselves as Muslims so that they may avoid sinning. Having homosexual thoughts should be no different. Allah is the only one that can Judge us. And Allah is the greatest.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
“There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin.”
There is no viewpoint in our deen that the act of homosexuality is acceptable at all. As for the thoughts and desires, other brothers have cleared it up. But no Muslim has an option except to take the stance that the act of homosexuals is a severe sin.
Sallam, my understanding of islam is that everyone has a weakness on which they will be tested on, some of us can perform most of our duties but might be weak in others, for example i never been tempted by drink or drugs and i find it easy to avoid but i maybe attracted to women and pursue this further and this is where I am tested like all muslims. I pray and ask Allah for forgiveness as he knows my sin and i know and accept this sin even though most people think this is normal and society accepts being with women without marriage. I pray to allah to give me someone who will stop me from this sin and fulfill this need, but I cant openly say to other muslims who see me as a devout good muslim that this is what i do, as they will see this as acceptable. Same applies to Muslims who drink, i know Muslims who are good but they drink and if they keep it between themselves and Allah and we as brothers conceal the secret and help them to overcome this then Allah might forgive them on the day of judgment and in one hadiths its mentioned that Allah will hide the secret from others on the day of judgement as you concealed the secret for your brother.Problem is when you openly say you do something which is harram in Islam as the good deeds that others see in you and follow you for they will see this as acceptable, Islam is about how you portray yourselves as a Muslim to others so they follow you in good, whilst doing this you can also make people follow you in wrong. You know this not acceptable in Islam but you want guidance openly, ask for help but you conceal it. Being Gay has become open and acceptable whilst it goes on everywhere i dont know what the cause is but one thing is for sure people out there are choosing to be gay as its a trend and its acceptable, please don’t make a mockery of islam or push it back on muslims as why we don’t accept it and help as it clearly says in the Quran, allah destroyed the nation of Sodem as they accept it as normal it, am sure people around the world had same feelings or where gay but the difference was they were not open about it. We as muslims are currently weak and lack knowledge we don’t have scholars in abundance but there are people out there, if you value Islam and consider yourself a muslim with this problem then seek guidance in private as you will find it and i ask you not to be open as the truth is this is not acceptable in Islam and we are not able to change what the quran says like the Christians or the Jews. A muslim accepts all everything in the quran as truth if you dont then that is not islam am sorry to be blunt but its better to get it right her now then to face allah on the day of judgement
Asalamu Alaykum dear brother,
Your article actually made me emotional. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We are all creations of Allah subhanahu wa-ta’ala and I don’t think that anyone has the right to judge one of His perfect creations. This life is a struggle, it is a journey, where we are encouraged to learn, grow and develop our ‘self’. A journey where we have to learn how to love and respect others for who they are, not for who we would like them to be. It’s funny how we all love a colorful world Alhamdu’lillah, yet we seem to impose our views on others, wanting them to be the same. It is simply not possible and thank Allah it isn’t.
Moreover, I find it odd that people don’t understand what it feels like, even though I am not homosexual, yet I understand what it feels like to be rejected by society. Being one of the few Muslims around and being a practicing Muslim can make one feel very excluded and unwanted, which obviously no one likes. So when I don’t like to feel this way, then why would I make someone else feel that way?
We need to stop being so ignorant and step beyond our comfort zone. Our misunderstandings are only based on our fears (the fears of the unknown) and this will only vanish when we seek out to learn and understand!
Anyway, before I go on and on about this haha, I would like to thank you once again for having the courage to speak up and for sharing this with us. Thank you so much and may Allah subhanahu wa’ta-ala bless you always with His love, grace, guidance and light! God bless you!
Allah Hafiz,
Shaidi
I’ve found the topic of homosexuality in the context of Islam to be a very intriguing thing, especially since I’ve studied psychology. What I’ve studied on human sexuality in an academic setting has taught me that there are a lot of biological influences that can result in homosexual feelings and physical attraction. However, the concept of “love” is purely psychological. I guess the challenge is how to continue living a life where you are attracted to someone you can’t marry? The easiest piece of advice someone can give is to be patient, God has afflicted everyone with their own unique trials and knows and will acknowledge every moment of pain and anguish you’ve felt, physically and emotionally. But by the same token, you cannot change the religion to suit your own needs. I try to stay away from personal opions and stick with basic facts, and one is definitely that humans with homosexual attraction cannot help it. I would love to get in touch with a practicing Muslim with homosexual feelings and see how they deal with their test from God. I’m sure such a person would be nothing less than an inspiration.
Thank you for opening up a much needed discussion. Has anyone thought of providing a professional support program anonymously online for gay Muslims? I mean, we have many great dawah programs, this one would be a much needed one for sure.
To this brother, he is trying to draw appease to people like himself who are homosexual and Muslim. Which is fine, because not all of us are perfect, individuals like the author exist whether we seek them or not, however, what the Quran states regarding homosexuality is clear and concise. We have been given the example of Lut and his people. I can accept people to be homosexual but I cannot approve of it. I can accept there to be practicing Muslims who drink liquor, who carry out pre-marital relations, but still I can not approve of it. What the author fails to discuss, is what Islam and the Quran says about homosexuality. If the author wants an “open” discussion on the topic, then he must also be willing to address that as well rather than sweeping it under the rug.
Assalaamu ‘alaykum,
I just want to put it out there that the author IS NOT saying that Islam allows homosexuality.
He is merely opening the discussion about the ummah’s attitude towards homosexuality and how we are exacerbating a problem in our own community by creating an atmosphere of discrimination rather than creating channels by which we can help our struggling muslim brethren with their internal situation.
Please remember that the homosexuals at the time of Lut were far far astray. Much further than the level of internal conflict.
Yet, even in that situation, prophet Lut did not belittle them, nor did he shun them. Rather, he offered his own daughters and advised them.
May Allah forgive us and guide us toward heeding the example of all of our beloved prophets.
wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
You are misinterpreting “here are my daughters.”
(Here are my daughters, they are purer for you.) Mujahid said, “Actually, they were not his daughters, but they were from among his nation. Every Prophet is like a father to his nation.” A similar statement has been reported from Qatadah and others.
I seriusly dont understand what do you really want to say. If you are saying this is natural feeling then i totaly disagree with you. If you are a practising muslim then it is not difficult to understand that these feelings are not natural these are the lesson from evil side because they made up all thes homosexuality thing in their mind to spread the evil and to stray people from the right path, because this is not in real.
And which scholor gave you such answer that you are satisfied with you this feeling??? He must have told you the right thing, there is no such thing like homosexuality in nature these all things have been planned and made up in people’s mind by evil. Everyone born on Fitrah, thats y everyone feel attarction in oppsoite sex rather than in same. Human history is very old then y we r listning and talking about such topics now a days? Why we didnt heard this from past? Just because this is the gae of fitnah where evil attarcts you.
May ALLAH show the right path to everyone.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatullah,
I don’t know if homosexuality is a choice or not. But I know that the act is cursed by God and His messenger, and is punished in this life and the next. Just read the near-weekly articles that the news media tries to slip by you, burying any mention of the harm of homosexual acts: http://nyti.ms/XwhdOc.
As for those who struggle with such feeling. Keep struggling and ask Allah for help to overcome. Take the sunnah prescription and get married. Avoid people who commit acts of people of the hellfire, whether they be outwardly religious or not. Homosexuality as an inclination takes time to build in a person, usually with the company they keep. Never feel that you are “special” or “deserve better”. We are all sinners who deserve the wrath of Allah. The best of us are those with the most Tawba and repentance, even if we have to make it a million times over.
The topic of homosexuality has been increasingly debated openly through different communities now a days more to our concern is in the muslim communities. It has been increasingly being an accepted “NATURAL” fact of life just because those with no Islamic background or knowledge are saying it is NATURAL. Unfortunately even now a day we have muslim “scholars” who try to turn around corners and try to bless such thoughts and actions. I am now wondering will the time come and we find Imams and Ma2zoons who will legalize same sex marriages.
The writer of above article encouraged conservatives to ask themselves some questions, but I also encourage him and others muslims who think this is “NATURAL” to ask them selves the following questions:
When they call them selves practicing or faithful muslims and stand in prayer and listen to Allah’s words being recited before them, Allah SWT describing the homosexual people of Prophet Lut as “wicked and exceedingly disobedient”
We bestowed upon Lot sound judgement and knowledge and We delivered him from the city that was immersed in foul deeds. They were indeed a wicked people, exceedingly disobedient. (Surah 21: Verse 74)
As if Allah make some of his creation “NATURALLY” wicked, exceedingly disobedient”
Quran mentioning Prophet Lut describing his homosexual people as “but you are wanton folk.”
“And Lut (remember) when he said to his folk: Will you commit abomination such as no creature ever did before. Lo! you come with lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but you are wanton folk.” (Surah 7: Verses 80-81)
“O’ my people! Here are my daughters! They are purer for you! Beware of Allah and degrade me not in (the presence of) my guests. Is there not among you any upright man ?” (Surah 11: Verse 78)
In another Verse the Holy Quran throws a light on the character of those sinning people. It says:
“What? Do you not come to males and commit robbery on the highways and do evil deeds in your meeting?” (Surah 29: Verse 29)
Then Allah SWT describes the homosexuals response:
“And the answer of his people was only that they said (to one another): Turn them out of your township. They are folk who seek to keep pure.” (Surah 7: Verse 82) They are backward conservative muslims.
The following verse exactly describes the current homosexual words: do you think this is our choice, this how we were created, it is natural.
They rejected this appeal of the Prophet and said:
“Well, you know that we have no right to your daughters and well, you know what we want.” (Surah 11: Verse 79) Those conservatives (non english speaking) are asking to leave our natural inclines towards the same sex.
We all sin, and we all get tempted to do wrong, no one is perfect. But when we sin, we acknowledge our sins, strive to correct ourselves and not persist on such actions. Yes, such issues need to be addressed to be treated and corrected in a gentle and right way.
A young man of the Quraish came to the Prophet one day and said: “O Prophet! Give me permission to commit adultery.” Some of the Companions who were present, seeing this request as being against Islamic morals, told him to be quiet and scolded the young man. Prophet Muhammad was very calm and told the young man “Come over here and sit down.” Then he turned to him and started to talk with him. “Tell me, would you like for another to commit adultery with your mother?” The young man said “O Prophet of Allah, I would never desire such a thing.” The Prophet said: “No one would want such a thing for their mother.” He continued, and said: “Would you want someone to commit adultery with your daughter?” The young man said “O Prophet of Allah, I would not.” The Prophet said: “No one would want for their daughter to commit adultery.” Then he went on to ask if the young man would approve of his sister, paternal aunt or maternal aunt committing adultery. Each time, the young man answered: “No, I would not want that.” When he saw that the youth had understood his error the Prophet put his hand on the young man’s shoulder and said “My Lord, forgive him his sin, clean his heart and protect him from committing sins.” The young man, according to his own words, did not allow the emotion of lust to enter his heart again.
Prophet Muhammad did not agree with him and told him it is natural and approved it. As the writer of this article mention “to be open minded”.
I am afraid if approve such actions and make it a norm “all natural and not our choice” I am afraid by that time we deserve Allah’s punishment.
“Then the (awful) cry overtook them at the sunrise: And We utterly confounded them, and We rained upon them stones of heated clay. Lo! therein verily are portents for those who read the signs.” (Surah 15: Verses 73-75).
Al salamu alekom
True,there are people who have these sort of urges. True, they should be supported and helped out of it. True, we need to have open discussions about this issue so as to make people and the following generations aware of the problems faced by the youth and how to help them out of it.
BUT saying that there is an “ISLAMIC VIEW” that allows it is NOT CORRECT. You need to fight these urges. Dont try to change the religion just to suit your whims and desires. In the end, it does not matter as to what YOU or the PEOPLE AROUND YOU think of you…what matters is what ALLAH THINKS ABOUT YOU…and surely when you make halal some thing that He has made HARAAM…He wont have a good opinion of You.FIGHT AGAINST THE SHAITAAN…DONT FALL INTO HIS PLAN.
I completely agree with Um Ibrahim
To me the article is written by a lay person (with great due respect) who I feel is although honest about his own feelings is not in a position to comment on the legality of homosexuality in Islam let alone hint at it’s permissibility (which it is not. Rather disappointed at the editorial process of this website for not picking up on this point. This article if anything may be misinterpreted by some to give a green light to practising a sin for which the people of Lut alayhisalaam were destroyed by Allah swt for.
Agreed!
ASA … Being homosexual doesn’t make you any more or less of a good person than a person suffering from a bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or other debilitating condition is good or bad. Homosexuality was removed under very strange circumstances from DSM IV and the outcome therefore has, sadly, damaged the understanding about homosexuality. The whole push for homosexuality today is based on the premise that it is ‘natural’ i.e. determined and dictated by the genetic makeup of humans, not environmentally influenced and therefore one has no ‘choice’ in the matter that has been decided by God Himself. This, however, although now a popular believe, is quite far from the truth. Please refer to the book ‘My Genes Made Me Do It’ (by Neil E. Whitehead, Briar Whitehead) and additional articles on narth.com to get a better understanding of how this misunderstanding started and has perpetuated. Having said that, being homosexual does not mean you can be stripped off your rights to Life, Safety, Justice by anyone … there are some rights that are God-given and no one can deprive you of those without committing wrong or a sin themselves. However, and by the same token, Divine Law, as defined by God (and not humans) also cannot be twisted and changed to suit our personal needs over and above that of the society for which some Laws are designed in order to preserve a healthy balance. Here I mean the laws relating to marriage specifically. And this, probably is, and likely will remain, the biggest bone of contention between those arguing for and against what constitutes protected ‘basic and fundamental’ human rights and what can be considered ‘conditional privileges’. In the light of this many people don’t have so much of an issue reconciling with homosexuality as a lifestyle choice but have severe qualms about redefining or changing what God has already ‘defined’ to now include what never was part of the definition. Think about it. Where would that stop? Are we to keep defying the boundaries set by God? And, although this may seem troubling to you as a person struggling (or not struggling) with homosexuality, I hope you are getting the drift here and what it will mean for the rest of society and for the Family Structure.
I believe you are mixing issues here. The article is not about marriage between homosexuals but the struggle faced by homosexuals who happen to be devout Muslims.
As for your statement.
“Homosexuality was removed under very strange circumstances from DSM IV and the outcome therefore has, sadly, damaged the understanding about homosexuality”
I am shocked to read this. I do not know your background and whether you have scientific one, but you need to be careful not to assert something as fact when you are not sure. Homosexuality is not an illness nor a disease.
Citing NARTH doesn’t help at all your argument as the organization was founded to counter the prevailing scientific consensus that homosexuality is not a disorder.
Honestly,I am also a closeted muslim and transgendered and unless you have these feelings nobody has a right to judge. It is the worst thing to feel this way. I feel so alone all the time I feel like I cannot connect to people at all (muslim or non-muslim) and that nobody understands what I’m going through. Especially within the last few months its been difficult waking up in the morning every day knowing that I could never feel normal or have the perfect normal life that everyone else has where they get a job, get married, have a family, and then die. Even though it is so obvious that I’m not normal it is an issue that is never discussed and I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone in the community since they are all basically “the normal people” that would never understand and don’t care and think that everyone is supposed to be the same way and that it is my fault. Coming from a dysfunctional desi family where everything is expected to magically be perfect and extended family members try hard to start drama any way they can, I cannot even talk to my parents about anything. Bottom line is there should be support in the muslim community for people that deal with this. Muslims are supposed to pray for one another, but as I’ve seen in my community nobody is interested in anyone else’s welfare. Especially desis who are all jealous of each other and take joy in seeing the downfall of others, people are too busy trying to outdo their fellow brothers and sisters rather than pray for them. Honestly I feel abandoned by the community, my friends, and my family and I feel like the only being I can talk to is Allah swt.
A,
I am so sorry for the difficulties you are facing. Please know that there are people who do support the struggles you face, even if they are not immediately around you. You will be in my prayers, inshaAllah!
I have just made duaa fro him when I prayed Ishaa few minutes ago.
I feel for him.
Sara,
Edmonton,
Alberta
Brother may Allah guide and assist you in every way, have tawakkul and pray to Allah, for He is the controller of the heart and can change it if you sincerely wish and pray for it! Keep fearing Allah like you do bro, and one day you’ll emerge better than all of us, who are strangers to the internal struggles you face!
…..and if there is nothing in his heart that needs to be changed?
There is always something in the heart that needs to be changed. Leaving a general dua’ as our sister did: “may Allah guide you in every way” is the best type of dua’. She also said that fearing Allah alone will make him emerge better than us all. Powerful words that any humble servant can follow- based on the topic above and any other topic as well!
May Allah relieve your struggles too, Nur, ameen.
Very well saod Khadija and Yas. I agree.
AMEEN to the duaa as well!
Salam ‘Alaykum Br. Mohammed,
Thank you for writing this. I, like you, also struggled with homosexuality from before secondary school. And yet much of the community respects me for memorizing the Quran and calls me to lead prayers. I can’t help but wonder what they’d think if they knew. But of course, their opinions shouldn’t be any of my concern – It should enough for me to strive to be as sincere in my iman as possible and to not act upon what God has forbidden.
You are very right that homosexuality is not a choice – neither you nor I asked for it. The muslim community should know that gay jokes are “laghw” and harmful for those among us who are homosexual. Nor is it beneficial for muslims to scare one another by always claiming that “the punishment for homosexuality in Islam is death.” No, the scholars speak of the “amal qaum loot” and understand it as a specific sexual act between two men, but homosexuality is far more and can be independent from this one sexual act. And on top of that, the vast majority of hadith that call for a death penalty for the “amal qaum loot” are weak (cf. the opinions of scholars like Ibn Hazm http://www.academia.edu/427557/_Ibn_Hazm_on_Homosexuality._A_Case-Study_of_Zahiri_Legal_Methodology_).
Muslims can benefit from the discussions of some scholars such as Shabir Ally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoOA02OCJUA
Personally, I overcame much of the struggle with homosexuality in an unconventional way. Another Muslim brother and I maintained a close, loving, but non-sexual relationship for a number of years. It was paradoxically the deep affection and love that we two had for one another that gave me satisfaction and the strength to overcome same-sex sexual desires. Soon, we felt as though we were deeply committed “brothers” and the idea of sex became “incestrous” and naturally undesirable to us. Alhamdulillah, homosexuality is no longer something I struggle with suppressing – hugs and real commitment and love were enough.
But of course, many of our Muslim peers would make fun of us for being “too gay” so our relationship remained very private. It shouldn’t matter what they thought though – God is enough for us, and I pray He rewarded us for our living chaste lives and staying away from zina for His sake.
Assakamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
As far as I know, there is the death penalty for married adulterers, people who commit the act of the people of Lut salawatu wasalamu alayhi and people who commit zina with people in the prohibited degrees(you could say, incest) and people who commit zina with animals.
Those sexual crimes are in fact punishble inshaa Allah.
That being said, it’s awesome you have a good relationship with your brother and Alhamdulilah you aren’t sunk in sin.
Also, bro I wouldn’t cite an article on Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s laws from a person from Tel Aviv….it might be a little bit risky. I would prefer something from a Muslim shaikh…I mean we don’t go to priests or rabbis for advise do we? It’s just not for Muslims.
Wa’alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,
Well, Gibran, that the article is from a certain place is no excuse to dig one’s head into the ground and ignore it. I’ve just read it and must say, it seems to be a highly scholarly academic account of Ibn Hazm’s arguments in his Kitab al-Muhalla, without a “pro-gay” or “anti-muslim” agenda. I must thank the brother for posting it – it was a fascinating read and really conveys the eminence of Ibn Hazm’s Dhahiri scholarship.
Rather than speculate that there is a death penalty for the act of the people of Lut (pbuh), can you actually respond to Ibn Hazm’s assessment that all the hadith on punishing homosexuals had major flaws in their isnad? I have not found one SAHIH hadith on such a punishment!
If you prefer the opinion of a Muslim shaikh, then watch the youtube link of Shabir Ally. This Muslim shaikh states clearly that there is no explicit Hadd punishment mentioned for those who do sodomy. This is a matter on which the fuqaha may differ, so it is not right ever to say “my opinion is the ONE correct Islamic opinion.”
Like I said, Shabbir Alley made some pretty weird statements on Qadar…..I wouldn’t listen to him for a lot of things.
Gibran, saláman (peace)
Wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Certainly the thing I fear most on my Ummah is the (wicked) practice of the people of Lut.” (Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Ibn Hajar Haythami)
Once Abul Aswad (RA) brought a letter which he showed to one of his students and said, “I bear witness that this letter was dictated by ‘Ali Ibn Abi Taalib (RA) to Abul Aswad. It reads, “When men will sexually satisfy themselves with men and women with women, then earthquakes will occur, faces will become transformed and stones will rain down from the skies.”
Our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has also said: “May Allah curse him who does what the people of Prophet Lut (AS) did.” (Ibn Hibbaan)
If you are a good practicing muslim, you cannot be homosexual or lesbian. Make tawbah (sincere repentance) to Allah and turn to Him submissively.
Well said.
Wow that was so moving.. may Allah swt reward you immensely for your struggle to remain chaste and pious, and continue to give you stregnth! May Allah swt guide all Muslims to become more tolerant if each other despite differences in thought and behavior. May He help all Muslims struggling with sexuality in any way to remain steadfast and chaste. Ameen.
I am responding to the comment and not the article, because (a) the comment relates back to islam and offers a solution while the article just complains about society’s nonacceptance of homosexual muslims. i also think a lot of people on this page are being a little too suspicious about agendas and whatnot. yes, gay marraige has been the hot topic on the news recently and, as much as we hate to admit, it seems that your stance on marraige equality might become the litmus test for how ‘backwards’ you are. however, i dont think there was an agenda behind this article just because it councided with the gay marraige issue, rather this might just be the excuse a gay muslim needed to bring up the issue of not having a support system for gay muslims.
yes we all know homosexual acts (sodomy) are haram. i dont think that has to be reiterated in paragraphs upon paragraphs, though i pray Allah rewards those who are thorough and thoughtful in their comments, and those who are writing because of a sense of duty to defend islamic principles.
the issue isnt the homosexual acts, its the feeling and struggling with those feelings, simultaneously feeling like the lonliest person in the world because you are a spec in a sea of straight people. can you imagine a muslim having suicidal thoughts because of the isolation? can u imagine a muslim wanting to not be muslim anymore because other muslims will not accept you as a human being? keep in mind that Shariah is meant to preserve society and life as well, also keep in mid that from an islamic perspective, every living creature has rights, also recall that every creature was made to worship Allah. how many gay people have become atheist because religion or religious society would not accept them? it is a miracle that gay muslims choose to remain worshipping God, instead of being angry with God (may Allah protect our ummah from such satanic thoughts).
i know of gay muslim women who use writing as a way to tell their story, but do it ina way that ends up racking ‘liberal’ support, and most of the time they write aggressively against what Allah commanded/ forbade while still considering themselves to be Muslim. and then ooh liberal americans and europeans love them and their books become award winning works and they get attention because they condemn islam.. you get the picture..This is what happens when we ostracize people in our own communities.
the reason i replied to this commet specifically was to highlight i guess the positive approach to handling the issue of homosexual muslims. there is a solution that we can take an example from. i mean Allah created hermaphrodites too. Allah has His reasons for Creating what He does, and we cant know what the reason is. i sometimes think it has to do with us getting to knwo each other and forcing us to become tolerant to things that cause dissonance in thought, or at least to teach us how to deal with strange things in a civil manner. we were put on this planet to worship Allah and part of that includes respecting each others God-given rights by treating each other as equal human beings regardless of how others treat us. the prophet (s) was kind to everyone no matter how irritating they got, to the point that Allah had to reveal an ayaat in the Quran to make people stop bothering Him because he was too shy to tell people off (q 33:55)
i understand many muslims are worried about the deen being like hot coals or having to bite onto the sunnah with our molar teeth. i am too. but thts going to get harder and harder due to outside forces if we are not strong enough on the inside. our ummah needs to be one body, we need to unite on our similarities because we are the only people who beleive in one God and accept the final revalation, a neccesaary requirement for avoiding eternity in hell. so dont forget the big picture: if you save even one life from entering hellfire, it is better than any of the richest things in this world.
may Allah swt protect our hearts from straying, and unite this ummah, ameen.
i hope my comment doesnt get misconstued as promoting homosexuality or giving it a positive image, no. i merely wish to offer my thoughts on the dilemma of dealing with muslims who already gay. if i have said anything incorrect, may Allah forgive me. of i have said anything correct, it is all from Allah.
one last thing that i think is important to point out. Allah says in the quran in surah misa: Then those who believe in Allah, and hold fast to Him,- soon will He admit them to mercy and grace from Himself, and guide them to Himself by a straight way.
i think all of us can see something that we are personally struggling with in that ayyaah.. something to think about.
may Allah swt ease our burdens and enter us into His mercy and grace and guide us on the straight path. ameen.
*surah nisa’ 4:175
“i sometimes think it has to do with us getting to knwo each other and forcing us to become tolerant to things that cause dissonance in thought, or at least to teach us how to deal with strange things in a civil manner.” That is an amazing perspective, subhanAllah. Do think about writing on this topic; what you wrote here was lucid, non-confrontational, gentle in tone. May Allah reward you.
Wa’alaikum Salam brother!
Thank you so much for your response! I concur with brother Bobby – you come from such an important perspective that is often overlooked in today’s discourse! I would love to hear more about your perspective – maybe you too should write an article.
Too often we are presented with a black and white choice. Gay Muslims should either embrace same-sex sexual behavior against Islamic opinion or “heterosexualize” by marrying and having children. But how many broken marriages like these are there! You present a halal middle ground – focussing on the emotional love between two men supporting one another with clear boundaries when it comes to sex.
I think we would all benefit from hearing more of your story, insha’allah!
sister* bobby
🙂
Sorry for the assumption sister 🙂
Salaam to all. Certainly such personal issues which affect one’s life intimately need to be faced squarely by the Muslim community and with compassion, not avoided or dismissed. Real people struggle with real matters in actual life, and hand waving dismissal or casual condemnation helps no one and nothing.
I am “straight,” but I know what it is to deal with such intimately personal matters: I have struggled with mental illness much of my adult life (and I am no longer young). I was psychiatrically hospitalized several times, and even after many years I need strong psychotropic drugs to keep from going off the deep end. Still, my experience (and observation in life) has been that most Muslims (or other religious people, for that matter) simply do not want to face the issue of someone being impaired in a way which impedes his/her commitment to and practice of the faith.
A number of years ago, a “caller” (da’ee) told me to throw away my medications, become a Muslim, and say the prayers, and I would not need anything else. Fortunately, I had enough sense not to throw away my meds (I even needed to increase the dose of my antipsychotic drug recently.) So far as I understand, if one is outrightly psychotic, the person is excused, but there seems to be no recognition of impairment short of psychosis.
Make no mistake. I am not saying that homosexuality is or is not a mental disorder, nor whether it is innate or acquired (or some of both). I am not in a position to make such assessments. I leave such judgments up to Allah (swt). But it does no one any good — and betrays a lack of compassion — either to ignore the matter entirely or to make facile judgments and even quick condemnations, which are all too easy for those who are not in a situation (homosexuality, mental illness, or whatever).
Salam br. Paul, I am Muslim and have a mother and sister who are both schizophrenic. They are both Muslim too. I just wanted to share that. I think we need to face these issues head on. In the rather backward country they live in (I won’t name it) the community considers mental illness black magic or some bad spirit’s influence. Allah protect us from ignorance. FYI some of the earliest hospitals for the mentally ill were in the Islamic empire, as was the recognition that mental illness is a disease. There is a website http://www.mentalhealth4muslims.com. it is a start and a step in the right direction, though not very comprehensive. Just wanted to share.
Allah help you. I struggle with the symptoms of schizophrenia and it is tough
Salaam. Thank you for the link. I will look it up. This thread has been a valuable one, as it has encouraged people to look at issues which many would prefer not to have to face. If you (or anyone else, for that matter) wish to make contact about such things, I can be reached at my “secondary” email address slyphnoyde@yahoo.com, from which I can privately pass on my “primary” email address.
Salaam. Is there an email address I can write you on please?
(requesting joymanifest for the email address).
Several things need to be sorted out here. One, it needs to be made abundantly clear that homosexual acts are strictly forbidden in Islam. Sodomy is an enormity. This needs to be said and stated clearly and unambiguously, for there are people with agendas who are in the name of “tolerance” trying to alter the Sacred Law and deem the haraam to be halaal.
With that said, the person who merely has a homosexual inclination has to repress it (just as the normal healthy male has to suppress his lustful inclinations for females he’s not married to). This struggle against the base desires is something all of us must struggle with. In that sense, the one with homosexual inclinations is like everyone else: we all have to resist our repulsive desires.
As for the person telling others, the general rule is that we don’t tell people about our sins. It isn’t wise to go around telling friends that you lust for members of the same sex. Instead, the one with homosexual inclinations needs to find a learned, pious, and wise Muslim who knows how to help heal the heart and seek advice. And it is better when seeking advice to use the third person (like to say: “What would you suggest to the young man who has homosexual proclivities?”) without mentioning the one who is actually afflicted with the disease.
Also, we should keep in mind that there are very powerful interests that are trying to impose the normalization of homosexuality upon Muslims. These people are NOT content with Muslims saying that the one who has homosexual inclinations is not sinful as long as he does not allow himself to have homosexual fantasies, or desire to act upon those fantasies, or engage in such an abomination. They want Muslims to deem that homosexuality is “Okay,” and that the punishments prescribed in the Deen for homosexual behavior are either due to fourteen centuries of misunderstanding what the Prophet taught—or they wish to have Muslims deem that the Islamic punishment for homosexual acts, as taught by the Prophet, are “barbaric.” May Allah protect us from kufr!
On the whole, we see the Muslims have been ominously silent in condemning the homosexualization of the the society. It is only a matter of time that the acceptance or condemnation of homosexuality will be the litmus test (by the secular supremacists) to determine whether or not one is an “extremist” Muslim or a “tolerant-progressive” Muslim. And we can imagine Muslims apostating en masse over this issue (by deeming the well-known haraam to be halaal). The homophiles want your kids, and if we do not develop clear and cogent arguments against dangers of the the homosexualization of the society, we place our survival as Believers here in jeopardy.
Lastly for those afflicted with homosexual feelings, the most important thing is not to deem these feelings to be legitimate. You have to fight yourself. Do not place yourself in circumstances in which you will feel aroused; if you do feel these desires, occupy your mind with something useful, like reciting the Qur’an. Remind yourself that this life is short and we must struggle against our base inclinations and insidious satanic suggestions. Also, be sure to eat from the halaal, eat very little meat, sleep less, and get up at night to pray. God-willing, with striving and sincerity, you will get relief from this trial. Allah is the One Who controls the hearts, and Allah is the One Who turns our hearts from the reprehensible to the rewardable. It’s all easy for Allah.
Jazakallahukhairan brother for ur response I agree wit u completely and I love the response. May Allah keep us guided
An excellent response to this article – I use the word ‘article’ euphemistically here, for if I were to call it what it is, my response would probably find its resting place under the virtual carpet.
We live in dangerous times, when the powers of evil are not content with just leading people away from the path of righteousness, they are working diligently to have the path of evil decorated as the path of righteousness.
Our lives as Muslims are easy. Allah subhanahu wa Ta’ala has clarified for us what He deems haraam. Whether one is born with haraam inclinations or acquires them through his growing years is immaterial. Knowing that an act like homosexuality is haraam ought to be enough for a Muslim to help him fight and overcome shaitan’s base commandments. And even if he finds himself losing that battle against him – La Haula wa La quwwata illa Billah, and may Allah make us prevail on shayateen always, and may he keep shayateen away from us – a Muslim must never lose sight of what his cause is, what halal is and what haram is. Because, then as long as he knows in his heart that a wrong remains a wrong, whether he can help himself or not, there is hope for him.
Once he transcends that boundary and starts calling a wrong anything but a wrong, all hope is lost.
Žazak-Allahu chayran…
Ali,
What a reprehensible statement: “afflicted with homosexual feelings”.
I am a straight Muslim woman and find comments like this demeaning, condemnation and judgmental statements to be the reason why our society is rife with social ills. Instead of love and compassion and true brother/sisterhood, some straight Muslims act like they are god.
Maybe it is you who’s afflicted with opposite sex attraction?
With all due respect I disagree Ms. Zonneveld. He’s not trying to be insulting. “Afflicted” is not a derogatory term. Perhaps you are taking it wrong? Make excuses for a fellow Muslim before you jump to judgmental condemnations. He was very respectful to others in his comment and you attack for just one word?
And yes, for the record, afflicted is a correct term. Just like many young, unmarried (and sadly even married) Muslim men AND women are afflicted with inclinations towards Zina.
Ani,
Entertaining homosexual thoughts is sinful. Engaging in homosexual acts, such as sodomy, is an abomination. We judge such matters according to the Sacred Law. It is part of Islam to condemn sin, and we judge those who openly engage in sinful behavior as sinners, and that does not mean that one has to perfect his (or her) Islam before they enjoin virtue and forbid evil.
“Entertaining homosexual thoughts is sinful.”
Salaam brother,
I just wanted to mention and remind us all briefly that Allah does not punish us for our thoughts, only our actions. As such, a person can certainly be considered homosexual and muslim–since homosexuality is an inclination and self definition of attractive feelings, rather than an action. That being said, it would be their participating in homosexual acts that is considered sinful only. Alhamdulilah, what is in our hearts and minds is known only to Allah swt and He is the only judge.
**I know you did not say that homosexual people are not considered muslims. It was said by someone in a later comment but I wanted to say it in general since it was aligned with my point.
I’m sorry Ani Zonneveld, I don’t know if you know the position of Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama’ah. The Muslims who are on the straight path. It is that whoever declares something haram halal while it is widely known and accepted and haram has left Islam.
It’s akin to denying ayat in the Quran. Or distorting the meaning to such an extent that you are truly denying the meaning. There is no way out. Sometimes you just have to submit.
Hence, “Muslim.”
Homosexuality and sodomy are not the same thing. That’s like telling me, as a straight woman, that I am going to sleep around with men. It is demeaning to think that just because someone has homosexual feelings they will be promiscuous with the same gender. You wouldn’t think the same about your straight brothers and sisters, would you?
And brother, there are plenty of things that go on in America that go against the deen. Alcohol being one of them. But I am sure you don’t say that America is trying to impose alcoholism on Muslims and make it normal to drink. Muslims have a choice, and many of them alhamdullilah have simply said no. Are gay people trying to make other Muslims gay? Are alcoholics trying to make other Muslims heavy drinkers? So how could you say that gay people are trying to impose homosexuality on Muslims? If you don’t think its okay to be gay, then keep it to yourself. No one is forcing you to be gay. Its the same thing I’ve been doing about alcohol- someone else’s decision to drink will never affect my decision not to.
Nina,
Perhaps you have not lived in America for very long. The homosexual agenda is now out of the closet and trying to impose its lifestyle on others. As for drinking alcohol, it’s legalization (as abhorrent as it is) is not the same as what is going on with homosexualization of the society.
A person can have a job and say that he doesn’t drink–or that he doesn’t approve of alcohol drinking without very likely losing his job. A person who doesn’t drink might have a limited social life amongst non-Muslims, but he is not called “intolerant” or “evil” for not approving of the consumption of alcohol.
Another point is that Anheuser-Busch isn’t coming to third grade classrooms talking about how alcohol consumption is an “alternative/legitimate lifestyle.” This society has hopped on a very slippery slope into the abyss of nihilism and total corruption. May Allah unite the Muslims in obedience and give us the strength, courage, and wisdom to resist this fitnah.
Power to you brother Ali! Well said because ultimately we can accept the individual but we certainly should not accept the act or the concept.
Assalamu’alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!
JazakAllaahu Khayr brother Ali for the response! SubhanAllaah! it is so scary to see people trying to “sympathize” with such issues. I dont mean we have to go beat them up and definitely people who are fighting these thoughts should be helped. But like how brother Ali mentioned there are proper ways to address this issue. And Im very saddened that this website has published such an article.
My Psychology lecturer said that in her research she found that there is no evidence at all to show homosexuality is because of genetics.
Robert Knight states:
The people who most need to hear the truth are those who mistakenly believe they have no chance
themselves for change. It is both more compassionate and truthful to give them hope than to
serve them up politically motivated, unproven creations like the “gay gene.”
Simple logic will make a person realize the negative consequences of homosexuality on the fabric of a society.
Apart from Islam other religions like Christianity and Judaism highly condemns homosexuality.
And what does this statement mean: “Homosexuality isn’t a choice?”
Dont try to make light of what AllaahS.w.t, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth considers highly immoral and sinful! It’s one thing to acknowledge one’s weakness and to seek help to rectify it and a totally different thing to blame others for one’s own sins and justify it to make it seem trivial. Be Careful.
May AllaahSWT take away the impure thoughts from anyone who is going through this!. Try to balance your fear of AllaahSWT with hope in His Mercy..if you are truly striving to obey Him inshaAllaah He will help you! Brother Ali’s advice written above is excellent..mashaAllaah!
jazak Allah khairan
for your response
i agree with you
May Allah protect us and guide us
Alhamdulillah brother.well said. Jazakallah khairan
JazakAllahu khair!
Barak^Allahu feekum brother Ali. You shaded light to those who have the heart and want to learn and follow Islam as prescribed by the Almighty and passed by the Messanger, salaLLahu aleyhi wasalam, and not be the play ground of the kufars who are trying to impose this and make the society take it as a normal. Brothers and sisters, please take this advise very seriously and may Allah protect us all from sinning and also from trying to justify it as if it’s with in the boundaries of ISLAM.
This should be the top comment. It is Brother Suhaib Webb’s responsibility to clarify the position of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jama’a.
The act of Sodomoy is a major sin. No amount of Western pressure or influence will stop us Muslims from preaching the truth from the Quran. We will not bend to the demoralization of Western Society.
Having homosexual tendencies is a trial. Islam is very clear that sexual relations can only happen between a married man & woman.
As far as the concerns about the “Gay Agenda” being pushed by the media, these are legitimate complaints. Look at President Barack Obama’s domestic policies. He has abandoned his African American base, leaving them in crippling poverty. However, he has become an ardent supporter in promoting “gay rights”.
But, we must put politics aside, the most important thing to do is follow the Quran and Sunnah.
Salam.
You are wrong on several things.
First of all, to my knowledge, there are no valid arguments, both Islamic (Qur’an verses, Sahih hadith), or scientific ones, that explicitly say that same sex attractions (SSA) are a disease, or that they are wrong, immoral, sinfull or anything similar.
You say, I quote:
“As for the person telling others, the general rule is that we don’t tell people about our sins.”
Here you obviously imply that having SSA is a sin. That means that committing homosexual act (having sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex) is a sin, but also that, for example, loving a person of the same sex is also a sin. So, having certain feelings, even without them being bodily actions is now a sin? To my knowledge, you have no evidence to support the implication that a person who is attracted to a member of the same sex is actually committing a sin, and shall therefore be punished by Allah, unless forgiven. People won’t be judged for their thoughts and feelings, but for their actions, unless I’m wrong? Also, do you talk in a company how you liked a certain girl, how you love her and would wish to meet her? Not that I’m implying that it’s desirable for a homosexual to talk that way. But you should be able to see the double standards which some people try to use as an argument for their position on something.
You say:
“And it is better when seeking advice to use the third person (like to say: “What would you suggest to the young man who has homosexual proclivities?”) without mentioning the one who is actually afflicted with the disease.”
To my knowledge, you have no valid argument nor evidence to back your claim that having SSA is a disease. There are valid scientific studies which have shown that homosexuality (in terms of SSA) is not something one chooses, nor it is to be considered a disease. What evidence do you have to give your statement that homosexuality is a disease a validity? None, to my knowledge.
One needs to make a firm difference between thoughts, feelings and even desires on the one side, with actions of the body (including specific behaviour) on the other side.
You say, I quote:
“Lastly for those afflicted with homosexual feelings, the most important thing is not to deem these feelings to be legitimate. You have to fight yourself. Do not place yourself in circumstances in which you will feel aroused;”
Again, you have no valid arguments to call homosexual feelings an “affliction”, implying that it is a disease. To my knowledge, when Lot, peace be upon him, came to his people, he told them not to cast aside their feelings, but instead asked them why they’re doing (doing, that is committing something, not feeling) that which no other people did before. Once more, and this cannot be stressed enough, feelings and desires are one thing, actions are something completely other. Also, what is your suggestion on how a person should not place themselves “in circumstances in which you will feel aroused”? Should they avoid male company all together? That would be unreasonable to expect nor would it be feasible. Thus, just like it is duty of a heterosexual man to control his urges when in a company of the women which are forbidden to them, it is equal duty for a homosexual man (or woman) to control his (her) urges when in a company of other men (women).
Lastly, you say:
“Allah is the One Who controls the hearts, and Allah is the One Who turns our hearts from the reprehensible to the rewardable. It’s all easy for Allah.”
All this is true, but nowhere does Allah, to my knowledge, state that having homosexual feelings is something reprehensible, and that it needs to be wiped out. Of course, it needs to be controlled.
Why has Allah forbidden homosexual acts (not feelings, emotions, or perhaps even thoughts) explicitly is a question not easy to be answered. It is His prerogative to allow or forbid whatever He wants, and He doesn’t answer to anyone.
I have said enough, I think.
Salam.
Thank you brother for your comment. We will pray for every struggling soul but we cannot turn something known haram to halal just because it is a new trend.
May Allah help us all.
Salaam, brother,
You seem to have the most rational and clear response.Your comment about the homosexual agenda and the beer is spot on. When I tell folks at my workplace that I don’t drink (or even drive a car), they actually it is pretty cool (sort of “self-assured” gentleman). One can hardly imagine what would happen if I were to openly and freely voice my opinion on homosexuality…so much for freedom of choice to speak on your mind, huh ? Overall it is the ideology of secularism that is the root of everything.
-Salaam,
& check out my comment below.
This is a very serious topic and it needs to be clarified for the people by the righteous scholars.
In regards to the authors thoughts, there is one crucial point missing. Where is the dependence on Allah, if you are claiming to be or perhaps want to a “devoted” Muslim, where is the Iman and Tawakul. Nowadays we see increasingly people seeking counseling, mentoring, and guidance. this is not bad idea but if it is sought as the only way out then you are undermining the Role of Rabbi. you will have another rabbi that guides and you are dependent on. So seek refuge in Allaah. See guidance, help, advise and assistance with all your matter from Allah.
The authors thoughts are compelling and persuasive but we need to be careful. Because this will lead to a cascade of other issues, that are are danger to the basic principles of Islam.
Ade,
Don’t hold your breath waiting for “righteous scholars”–i.e., those trying to eke a living out of the Deen–to demonstrate the “testicular fortitude” reqd to make sound judgment on the homosexual fitnah.
Average folks (including most “scholars”) don’t want to rock the boat (America), because they want to climb aboard it.
The ummah indeed lacks qualified scholars, never mind righteous ones, fit to enjoin the good, forbid the bad…but all is not lost:
“And We have indeed made the Quran easy to understand and remember; then is there anyone that will receive admonition?”
اللّهُـمَّ بِكَ أَصْـبَحْنا وَبِكَ أَمْسَـينا ، وَبِكَ نَحْـيا وَبِكَ نَمُـوتُ وَإِلَـيْكَ المَصِيْر
La hawla wa la quwata ilah bilahil aliyul atheem.
wS,
Khaled
I know how you feel, i used to be like you… Just pray To ALLAH to remove all your attraction or feeling towards same sex, if you really want to change your life you just put in your heart that what you feel is wrong, and prayers really helps,Now im very happy with my life alhadulillah.
Alhamdulillah sister.
Good for you for realizing that the problem is with others and not with you. Allah loves all of us.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
“Allah loves all of us.”
Where did Allah subhana wa ta’ala or His Messenger say that we are all loved? What brings you to say this?
The Quran says so over and over again, in the sense of rahmah:
http://www.virtualmosque.com/relationships/withthedivine/ra%E1%B8%A9mah-not-just-mercy/
That may well be the sense by which Sr. Katrina used the word “love” – no need to assume otherwise.
Rahma is not the same as love. Rahma is caring compassion and love is love.
We can say “Allah is merciful to all of us.”
You’re not a native English speaker, are you?
When Allah (swt), like our mothers, surrounds all of us in endless compassion, we readily call it love. The love we receive from Allah, our mothers, or our wives and husbands are not necessarily the same forms of love.
I think the point you’re trying to make is that Allah’s universal rahmah is no excuse for us to disobey Him. Allah always has rahmah for everyone but does not have mahabbah for those who reject Him. Those are two different forms of love.
When we talk about Islam, the words are separate. I can love someone and not be merciful to them and I can have rahma to someone but not love them.
Best keep them separate when in Arabic they are separate.
And this should give us a better opinion of Allah aza wa jal. How caring he is even with those he does not love.
If I had an urge to watch pornography (for example), would I feel like I had to write an article about it, or would I seek help to suppress this urge, even though I was ‘born this way’? I don’t know, it seems like there are dark forces at work here, especially in the context of recent news headlines. May Allah save us and our future generations.
Salam, there have been articles posted on this website regarding pornography.
Jzk, but please show me one where a person is writing from their own experience and how they’re telling friends/the general public about it. There should be a sense of shame in feeling certain urges.
Then why are you reading about them? Goodness gracious. This young man has a problem. He needs to talk about it. He’s doing it anonymously: talk of the problem isn’t a way of gaining attention or boastfulness, its a way for him to find recourse in others who understand.
Why should one be shameful to discuss matters of this nature? He is not talking about his homosexual urges but the struggle he is facing as a homosexual-Muslim. I admire him for the courage he had to talk about this and I am so glad SuhaibWebb decided to publish it.
Do men have any shame in feeling sexual urges? How we act upon our urges is what makes a difference. I was born heterosexual but this didn’t mean I had acted upon my my urges. I waited until I got married. This is no different than homosexuality: being homosexual but acting on it are two different things.
@Sara actually yes, men do feel shame about having sexual urges toward women(especially non-married young men). And I think it’s something that does need to be discusses. I think for every 4 times you hear young Muslim men talking about marriage at LEAST 1 (probably much more) are looking for a halal outlet for his “shameful” urges.
Sarah,
It is better to use the third person when discussing such matters. By people openly talking about their sins, it will make some people think that their sins are not so bad in comparison, and they will not be so ready to give them up.
@ag and @Ali
First of all the author is talking about his struggle and the need to address and discuss this issue in the Muslim community. This is different than publicly being open about it, if he was he would have signed with his real name and/or promoted it which is far from the case here.
The author has not sinned and I find it hard that people are confusing these two aspects: sexuality and acting upon it.
How else are we supposed to discuss serious matters such as this one? This site provides a good outlet and I am very happy to see that.
Like B said the author is reaching out and not publicizing the fact he is gay, and he is doing so anonymously.
Objectively, its a non starter. And yes, there should be proper recourse not contempt. In the days of the Prophets signs of Allah’s fury was displayed in this world. Today, it is all down to us, the umah, with full guidance at our disposal. For the older generations they are ill equipped to deal with new situations. As for me I fully support the idea of consultation and certain programs rather than contempt. Uncomfortable it can be for me but I feel the duty to befriend them like anyone else, muslims or not. Subjectively, it is shaky grounds. I have sinful desires but with opposite sex which is difficult to control and I struggle day in day out. Will I be in the same boat? I have seen homosexual struggled and succeeded in fact now preaching Islamic values. If he can do it?
Alhamdulilah that homosexuality is forbidden in Islam. Love the comments of the ummah on this article.
Assalaaalaikum
I’m curious to know what the “comments of the ummah” are.
Salam dear brother please get in touch we run a support group for same-sex attracted Muslims: http://www.straightstruggle.com
Assalaamu alaykum,
I am glad to see a piece on this topic. As Muslims we all need to know how to talk about this with each other and with Non-Muslims. Many people agree with us, and many do not; we need to clarify our position and learn how to convey it.
To the best of my understanding, homosexuals cannot by any means change the way that they feel regarding sexual relations. Of course, Allah, muqlb aqulub can do anything, subhanallah. This comment, then, is concerning those that feel that Allah has willed their hearts not to change in this matter.
My largest concern is that homosexuals will find their friends in faith getting married and not know how to approach the matter. It pains my heart to think that two people would get married and neither would be able to fully partake in the pleasures of marital intimacy because of the differences in their make-up. How can we deal with this issue? It is no one’s “fault.” Should we encourage homosexual men and women to remain chaste, yes, and to avoid marriage where their inability to develop intimacy with their spouse could make life difficult and frustrating for the spouse?
Additionally, if a homosexual person is encouraged to get married, should he/she tell the spouse about the conflict? It is important to be truthful in a marriage and most importantly before the final ceremonies take place. We discuss many things before marriage like how and when to have children, if a brother would contemplate having more than one wife, and where they will live. Medical issues are another important aspect of what to mention before marriage. Therefore, with all of the topics in mind that we talk about before marriage, should a homosexual person talk about those tendencies before marriage?
Thank you all for your attention and for your responses. May Allah guide us in this life to reach Him in the next.
Jazakum allah khayr,
Your sister, Mary
Thank you Br. Ali for your great response to this post. Can’t agree more on what you said. Mohammed Yusuf declared that homosexuality isn’t a sin without giving any reference from Quran and Hadith. If the justification made in this article are acceptable in Islam or any religion or society, you can’t have punishment system for serial killer, psychopath, habitual thief, pedophile, polygamy, drug addict… you name it – almost all the people who commits those acts would justify that it’s not they choose to do but “they just born in that way”.
I like this website and try to read its posts but felt bad by seeing this post that claims so many things with no valid references. I hope the authority of this website would publish posts that claims a thing with supported Quran and Hadith quote.
Salam.
Interestingly, and paradoxically in the same time, neither you nor anyone else, to my knowledge, have evidence, much less proof, that having same sex attractions (being homosexual in nature) is a sin. I know not of any Qor’an verse, or Sahih hadith, in which it is stated that being homosexual (having same sex attractions) is sinfull.
However, of course, acting homosexually is a sin. But a crucial difference, which too many people fail to see, is that a person will not, as far as I know, be questioned about their feelings (when it comes to this matter), but will be questioned about their actions.
I really got a problem with this testimony and comments about: homosexuality is not a choice.
because 1: no scientific studIES (not study) proove it. And 2 saying that, is like saying that Allah created gay man/woman, so if that s true, so I guess that we have a problem with all the Quran, and teaching of the sunna.
As far I remenber it is not a sin as long you don’t act on it, and don’t… talk about it.
May Allah helps us.
Fred,
Muslims believe Allah is the Creator of EVERYTHING. Allah is the Creator of the beings, their actions and their feelings. Allah created normal people and homosexuals. The issue here is that one cannot indulge in sin even if the person has a proclivity towards it.
Where in this article is the author “revealing his sins” as so many of the commenters are reprimanding him for doing? When did predisposed inclinations and feelings become sinful? If all Muslims kept quiet on the struggles they faced, we’d be a doomed Ummah. Imagine no one writing or speaking about their struggles with not being able to consistently pray the 5 prescribed daily prayers, and if they dared to confess, being told to keep quiet and go see a sheikh.
Power and peace to you, brother who wrote this article.
@ Hana,
I agree with you, and I have expressed it in my comment above.
First of all the author is talking about his struggle and the need to address and discuss this issue in the Muslim community. This is different than publicly being open about it, if he was he would have signed with his real name and/or promoted it which is far from the case here.
As for those who have responded to my previous comment I again reiterate that the author has not sinned. I find it hard hard that people are confusing these two aspects: sexuality and acting upon it.
i dont really have anything to add to this discussion but i just wanted to commend all the brothers and sisters for being very civil and handling this sensitive issue with care. ive read a lot of the comments and im impressed. This site attracts the right kind of readers. hamdullah.
homosexuality is a constructed identity, the word itself was coined in the english language only in the late 19th century, and was a technical term form a person with a psychological/medical condition wherein s/he partakes in same-sex encounters. The concept – that one’s sexual attraction to the same sex is categorical and not an extreme on a moral/depravity spectrum – is a recent invention to legitimate the self-entitled transgressor. What you are talking about is a recent phenomenon as a subculture which was never a category until post-enlightenment rationalization of unrestrained satisfaction of desires.
Also, there is NO evidence by even a single paper in the field of genetics that substantiates the claim that sexual attraction to the same sex is genetic. Look them up; every paper with such a claim has been thoroughly rejected by the field. We only recently discovered what controls the color of your eyes, and you want to talk about the complexity of sexual desire?! Furthermore, aside from the complexity of genetic governance, every human being has free will, in spite of their genetic predispositions.
May Allah protect the community from the evil of the accursed devil, the world and our selfish desires. It is sad to see that many are with the idea that homosexuality is not a choice; it definitely is. Do not ever blame anything on the Will of Allah like the accursed devil tried as an argument before. Our entire life is about choices. We choose to be a Muslim or not, to perform our prayer or not, to get married or not, to be a gay or not, to commit adultery or not etc. It is a common excuse given by the nafs to justify oneself; do not be deluded. By being given the urge, it does not make it being not your choice. If that is the case, one may argue that he in a fornicator not by choice (due to the urge from his animal self), may Allah protect us all from the delusion.
If one is truly sincere in seeking help when one is gay; there are numerous scholars and Muslim brothers or sisters who are more than willing to help one overcome it. Go to your local mosque and perhaps the Imam could help; else go to the next town’s mosque for you have to put an effort for Allah would not change the state of a group unless the group themselves act for a change.
However, if one were to try and find a scholar who is in the opinion that homosexuality is allowed in Islam or one can take his own sweet time to mend his way, then know that probably he is no scholar as it is unanimously agreed without any shadow of doubt of its ruling (i.e. forbidden).
I am not convinced that so many things are always choices in this life. I did not choose to struggle with mental illness severe enough that it landed me in a psychiatric hospital multiple times, severe enough that I still require strong drugs to keep from going off the deep end, severe enough that it hinders my observance of deen and even belief in and reliance on Allah (swt) at all. I did not choose it.
Similarly, one might not necessarily choose homosexual inclination (I am not competent to judge). As I understood it, the author of this article was trying to express his situation as a Muslim in a community which often is either unknowing, uncaring, or quick to condemn. I did not understand him as justifying any particular act or acts.
Several commenters have expressed the opinion that someone in such a situation should seek counsel in some way. Often that is easier said than done for some people in some circumstances. After I made shahada many years ago I tried to find a psychiatrist in my area who was a serious, practicing Muslim so that I could deal with my illness in terms of Islamic principles. I was not able to find one. Likewise, individuals wrestling with other inner matters, such as this author, may not always be able to find knowledgeable, sincere, competent Muslims to whom to turn for assistance. These are the kinds of issues that the Muslim community has to face, including that some aspects of life may NOT be choices. I think the writer is to be commended for broaching this matter for consideration.
Brother, the like of mental illness and other physical disabilities are different than inclinations of the self where one have control over. The scholars have covered them in their works.
The rulings for all acts will have to be derived from scholars (who derives them from the Quran and the light of sunnah alongside ijma’and ijtihad). The mind could not use logic and emotions to derive a ruling for anything.
Quote (from Reliance of the Traveler):
The position of the Asharis, the followers of Abul Hasan Ash’ari, is that the mind is unable to know the rule of Allah about the acts of those morally responsible except by means of His messengers and inspired books. For minds are in obvious disagreement about acts. Some minds find certain acts good, others find them bad. Moreover, one person can be of two minds about one and the same action. Caprice often wins out over the intellect, and considering something good or bad comes to be based on mere whim. So it cannot be said that an act which the mind deems good is therefore good in the eyes of Allah, its performance called for and its doer rewarded by Allah; or that whatever the mind feels to be bad is thus bad in the eyes of Allah, its nonperformance called for and its doer punished by Allah.
And Allah knows best.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Didn’t Abul Hassan Ash’ari abandon his creed in his last years for the methodology of Ahmad ibn Hanbal?
In any case, we only need to say “We hear and obey.” We don’t need to use our intellect, or kalam or any other thing made after Allah and His Messenger sallahualayhiwasalam. It is clear to Muslims we are to obey Allah and His Messenger.
Gibran,
It is the ideology of the Wahhabis to claim that virtually all of the scholars of Ahlus-Sunnah abandoned their `aqidah and embraced the object worshiping doctrine of the Mujassimah.
Some of the comments don’t seem to have read the article. The author makes a clear distinction between feelings of homosexuality and acting on those feelings (the sin is in the latter). The fact that this is probably not written under his real name, and that he acknowledges that he hasn’t ‘come out’ doesn’t warrant the judgemental comments against his ‘telling others’ about his sin. He has told us about struggling reconciling his feelings for people of the same gender and his Islam. If he admitted to acting on those feelings, then yes, he would have been telling us about his sin – but then again, we don’t know who he is.
As for urging him to find a pious Muslim to talk to, did you read the article? That’s exactly what he did.
Salaams. Although I am not inclined to homosexuality, I’m able to empathize with the brother who wrote the article. The hypocritical-bordering-on-dismissive-to-hateful attitudes of many of the married “brothers and sisters” in many busy-body, gossip-ridden mosque scene towards any unmarried or divorced – or may Allah forbid – gay or gender-confused person is enough to drive all but the strongest and resilient of people out the door never to return.
Critical, gossipy Muslims should strictly mind their own business. There’s a hadith which can be capsulized “Don’t be interested in that which doesn’t concern you.” Live and let live. Don’t go all superior on others. You are seeing the outward and Allah alone sees the inward. Be kind to other people. You don’t know what they go through.
When I first converted, I was in a Muslim country and thought it was sooo nice to see young (teenagers) adults walking around hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm and cheek-kissing in public. I thought to myself what loving kind people Muslims are to be so openly affectionate with each other. I still think public affection is not a bad thing. BUT let people have their private lives and don’t be so judgmental against others.
Personally, I favor polygamy if it were done correctly, if all parties could get along and the government and tax-system would get out of the way. But that’s another subject which has to do with wealth-sharing and labor-division.
Jazakallah khair for the heartfelt and really illuminating article, brother. It’s so important to bring these sort of struggles to light, so that the Muslims facing them can get the support they need from within the community, instead of leaving Islam over this issue. May Allah bless you and keep you strong in Iman, Ameen.
Merely having feelings for people of same sex can’t be said to be homosexuality. It is the sexual act that makes one. Islam is opposed to sex outside marriage between men and women, fpeople who engage in it of any nature isn’t good for iman. When western people talk of sexuality they are generally talking of pre marital sex. If one doesn’t engage in pre marital sex, they shouldn’t be worried about their faith.
I’m sorry but this is not acceptable. Essentially what your trying to do is get the pity of the Muslim community because “You choose,” to do this horrendous sin.
You might as well have a guy who fornicates with girls come on and try to give us a guilt trip and let him complain how, “Bad he feels when others talk bad about fornicators.”
Fact of the matter is that there are many straight single Muslims who cannot get married and keep firm on their faith and choose not to fornicate instead.
I personally am one of those Muslims. I became religious the age of 18 and tried my best to get married then but because of my disibility and my finacial circumstances at the time I wasn’t able to.
Now even though now I’m financially stable, because of my disability it is very difficult to find a wife. So what should I do? If I use your logic because I’m attracted to women and have no other choice, then I can go and buy a bunch of prostitutes and just party for the rest of my life.
Then I can come and write an article on this site giving you all a guilt trip on how bad my circumstances were and that I thought I would never get married.
Sorry but that doesn’t cut it. If the man believes in Islam, then he should follow it. If he isn’t attracted to women then no where does it say that, “We Must Get Married.”
There are many many pious men who never got married and or had sex with another individual yet still lived happy productive lives.
So There is no excuse here. Sorry.
You didn’t even read the article it’s obvious.
Thank you for the post and to the readers for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Islam does not shy away from matters which concern the religion, and homosexuality is certainly an issue that is prevalent in our times. This article has opened my eyes to the possibility that there could be many active muslims within our community who also struggle with homosexuality. As for whether or not such inclinations are a choice, I prefer not to pass judgment as Allah knows best. I will take the word of those who open their hearts to us and tell us they would not choose to be in this position.
Some of the comments have importantly pointed out the fundamental difference between one’s inclinations towards the opposite gender and the action and thereby sin of acting upon such feelings. As far as I am aware, neither issue is something that takes a person outside the fold of islam. Just as the individual has a sharia obligation to refrain from acting on such desires, as a community we also have a responsibility in acknowledging this issue and supporting our brothers who are struggling with this. Support, however, does not need to equal an overall embracing of homosexuality. Support may take many forms, including a) acknowledgement of the struggle b)having compassionate and learned muslim scholars and counsellors in place to support the individual and family if need be. Just as we support fellow muslims who struggle with other sins, like gambling and alcoholism we need to be more aware of and be prepared to respond to such matters within our community.
On an ending note, I would like to clarify that I by no means support homosexuality for various reasons. But think of this…perhaps this brother’s struggle is the biggest one he will ever face and perhaps it is the enormity of this struggle and how he ‘chooses’ to respond to it that may make him receive the pleasure of his Lord. Perhaps he will be more favourable to his Lord than you or I will ever be..
Allah knows best.
*same gender
Asalaamalaikum Warahmat Allah Wabarakatu,
Homosexuality IS a choice. To say that it is not a choice is saying that Allah is not just, astaghfirillah. Enough of the sugar-coating done to Islam, enough of the cherry-picking. As Muslims we are supposed to mold our ownselves to fit into Islam, not take what we like and chuck what we don’t. Where is the modesty in this piece of writing and what is the need to bring it to the surface? If problems need to be dealt with, then let’s deal with them. But with the Noble Quran and Sunnah in the forefront, not desires. People change all the time, and Allah tells us repeatedly to seek HIM for guidance. If one feels they cannot stop having these immoral tendencies, that does not in any way give them the license to accept it as who they are. On the contrary it means they should be seeking Allah as their number One attachment and not lose hope that Allah will purify their desires. Problem is, if one sees their homosexuality as part of who they are and therefore seeks out pity versus constructive feedback through the teachings of our beloved Rasullilah salAllahu alayhee wasallam on how to properly jihad their nafs, then you know what? There is no room for change because the intention is messed up in accepting that nothing can change and being gay is how they were created and how they will always be. They have then lost all hope, and therefore trust in Allah to alter their desires for what is more befitting. Furthermore, there is a reason why Allah wants us to keep those skeletons in the closet and not expose those elephants in the masjid or musalla. It is clearly stated that “Fitna ashaddu min alQalt” in the Quran, this means that even the publicity of corruption is worse than murder. Righteous scholars have explained this in the sense that if there is empathy given to the wrongdoers (even if they believe in LaIllaha ilAllah) FOR their wrongdoing, then this is part of the downfall of righteousness in family and therefore society. Furthermore, even though Imam Suhaib Webb did not write this article, the link about says “virtualmosque.com” and therefore it is irresponsible for something like this be published without making it utterly clear what the Islamic Stance is on EVERY thing that has been expressed. Especially because Imam Suhaib Webb has a huge responsibility on his shoulders with this topic here online and in the state in which he preaches, the first state in the US to allow gay marriages..Massachusetts. Our Ummah is in a mess, and the disclaimer below really is not enough if our first priority here in relating ilm and gaining ilm. May Allah guide each of us and help us stick to the Straight Path. Ameen.
I begin in the Name of Allah, and may the peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah.
My advice to my brothers who are dealing with this issue is(be patient with the intro/pleaase complete the reading): Allah, the Most High, created us for a single purpose; to worship Him alone as Allah informs us in the Noble Qur’an. Worship is everything which Allah loves and is pleased with. This life is a test as we have heard many times;do we choose to do good or evil, believe or disbelieve, follow the example of Muhamad may peace and blessings be upon him, or follow our own desires etc. Allah has sent us the Qur’an, a guide for those who believe, and has sent us the noble Prophet. Everything we need in order to get closer to Allah is written in the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of our Noble Prophet. There is no more revalation to come in the form of whisperings. The whisperings we get which oppose the law of Allah know that they are from our enemy, satan. The best of mankind after the Pophets and the Messengers are the beautiful companions of our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and may Allah be pleased with them. Allah tested them with tests much harder than thoughts of homosexuality.Whisperings came to them even about Allah, the Most High, which are far more difficult to deal with than homosexual thoughts since the believer loves Allah more than anything else and can’t bear having evil thoughts about Him. They came to our Noble Prophet, as Abu Hurairah and other companions narrated to us us, and told him that we get evil thoughts that we find it extremely difficult to talk about them and in other narrations some of them mentioned that they would rather be thrown from the sky than speak about them. Yet others said we would rather be cinders than speak about them, which shows the severity of their thoughts. What was the response of our Noble Prophet. He responded in few narrations after asking them “Do you really feel as such(meaning you hate these thoughts to that degree)? and they replied “Yes.”: “That is true faith”, “Allah is the Greatest!All the praise are for Allah who has restricted his (satans) capabilities to whispering”. These narrations show that no matter how great the whisperings which satan whispers to the believer are, even if it is about Allah, they can’t harm him as long as s/he hate them. As long as one hates them, doesn’t act upon them, doesn’t invite to them, this is a sign of his faith. It is difficult talking to anyone about these issues;however, I advice my brothers who have such thoughts to speak to the scholars from the people of the Sunnah or those who are connected to the scholars since they know are the most knowledgeable about the religion of Allah and they are the ones who fear Allah the most as He has informed us. Know o my brother, that we can’t control satan’s whispers to us. He will whisper to us as long as we are alive, trying to misguide us from the path of Allah so he may ruin our eternal next life.What is upon us is to be sincere to Allah, and make dua to Him alone, crying to him, to remove any evil thoughts that may come to us, and know that Allah is more merciful to us than we are to our own selves. Moreover, Allah is the only one who is able to do anything, anything He wants He says Be and It is. I also advice you to study and follow the Sunnah of our Noble Prophet, and act upon it as much as possible. Read the Quran, memorize as much as possible, reflect on the meaning of its verses. Use Husnil Muslim, and do the daily dhikr the Prophet used to do and remember that Allah will never let the belivers down. It is only a test. These whispers, whether they are about Allah or anything else on His religion, or other sins, major like homosexuality, or other than it,will not last forever, they will go away. Remember that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear; He tests the believers according to their abilities. Allah know best.
I am extremely sorry to say but what has the world come to. I don’t blame anyone but the culture we all are raised in. I am not and will never deny that homosexuality does not exist among muslims. I think a lot of educated “scholars” have posted very “informative” discussions on the topic. Well I am not a scholar and English is not my first language so I don’t know if that makes smart or not as the author quotes “Not a service run by a traditional-minded scholar who can barely speak English”. First of this study is solely based on feelings and not actual facts. How one feels does not justify his/her acts. If homosexuality is acceptable then acts like rapping, killing, and all other acts should be acceptable for the society as the person can say that he/she was born with it and it was not a choice to them. Please provide studies regarding this topic Instead of corrupting people’s mind about a sensitive issue. If we are born as gay/straight men and women then I have some doubts about “islam”. Why is Allah warning us about the punishments related to something natural, something that we have no control over. Recent movies, news, or homosexual trends are pushing muslims towards acceptance of such evils. If accepting such acts is ok then there is no point of me being muslim and following the beautiful religion of Islam. I would suggest the author should provide scientific studies proving that this is something we are born with and is not a choice. You could be trapped in a wrong body genetically and have those feeling and that case you can seek medical help. To say that it is natural to have feelings for the same sex with normal hormones and genetic material is just not…. My comment is not intended to hurt any muslim brother or sister.
I do also believe that if a person is truly committed to the religion then they should sit down and research about the topic of concern. Stop looking into holloywood/bollywood movies, trends, society acceptance, and I truly believe that when you look into the matter through islamic prospective then it will surely provide you with solutions. Islam is not just a religion but a way of life.
Sh. Yasir Qadhi has written about this here, and has a very similar position to the one expressed in your article:
http://muslimmatters.org/2009/04/13/dealing-with-homosexual-urges/
To the author maybe this article from Suhaib Webb can help you:
http://www.virtualmosque.com/islam-studies/%E2%80%9Chomosexual-wanting-to-embrace-islam%E2%80%9D-advice-from-ust-suhaib-webb/
[…] http://www.virtualmosque.com/ummah/community/gay-muslims-the-elephants-in-the-prayer-room/ […]
This is the word of Allah and not anyone’s opinion:
“Do you indeed approach men with desire instead of women? Rather, you are a people behaving ignorantly.” (27:55)
Regardless of whether or not it is a choice or if it is something you are born with is irrelevant in my opinion. I view it as a derire, which happens to be stonger in some than others, and not present at all in others.
I would not think less of person who had these desires, so long as they did not act on them, and if they did act on them then I would hope they would make tawba and not carry on with the sin. Similarlly, I might have the urge or desire to drink every now and then, however I supress my desire for the sake of Allah. Should I be judged as an alcoholic or as one who commits the major sin of intoxication? certainly not
Anyone who tries to say same gender relations are ok has deviation in their heart. It is a major sin, and may Allah protect us all from approaching such a thing.
Allah tries us all differently.
Brother to label yourself as homosexual because you have have these desires is wrong in my opinion. You are a Muslim inshaAllah, that is the label Allah has chosen for us. InshaAllah you submit to Allah and not your desires, and if you have made the mistake before then I hope you can make tawba not fall into it again.
Having these homosexual tendencies, feelings and “desires”, as you said, itself is not a sin. The sin however, is where you act on your desires and you’re ‘hawa’. That is when your Nafs tricks you and gets you in trouble, and makes you sin.
The key is to not act on these desires. Just pray to Allah to help you. Genuinely do so. Make sincere du’a and have faith in Allah.
Each person has a test in life, not all tests are the same. Some have their test related to money, some family, others their sexuality.
Remember, the harder the struggle, the greater the reward in sha’ Allah.
May Allah bless you and keep you strong.
My comment is directed to Sh. Suhaib Webb and the rest working on this site.
Dear Sh. Webb,
I am glad to see this topic being discussed. It is important for people to have compassion for all others and try to understand their position and struggle. It is important for us to have empathy for the difficult struggles homosexuals often face. I have worked alongside homosexuals for over a year, and I know that they do not actively choose their orientation. I know that people of all orientations are simply people, they are wonderful, they are human, they are worthy, they are like us. I know of the distress brought upon them by the mainstream community. We need to understand that “homosexual Muslim” is a real concept. Homosexuality is a sexual orientation, it is not a behavior, just as heterosexuality is an orientation. I am sad that people find it acceptable to make “gay jokes” and belittle people simply based on a different natural orientation and therefore I am glad to see this article.
At the same time, however, I know fully well that the concerns of some worried voiced here are valid. It is highly likely that there will be a group of people who will take this article to a different level than it itself has presented. There are many individuals (and groups), a couple of which have already participated on this thread, who are intent on something much further than recognizing and having empathy for homosexuals. Their goal is actually to make gay romance and gay marriage acceptable within Islamic law. I’m sure you are aware of these people. I am not merely being suspicious, as I have been amongst these people/groups.
Thus I see it as vital for the scholarly Islamic stance(s) on homosexual romantic relationships and homosexual marriage to be made clear. A detailed and supported presentation of the subject according to Islamic law needs to be understood, because not everything in Islamic law is allowable based on it resulting from natural, innate feelings. I can see very easily this post becoming an immense source of confusion for people.
Nonetheless, I’m still glad to see the topic finally being openly discussed.
Thank you very much!
You are wrong sister z. Allah did not create anyone with homosexual “natural orientation” . Do not say about Allah what you are unsure of. Look at the animal world. Can you show me any of them that is a natural sodomite?
Homosexual behavior is well-documented in animals:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals
But then again, I thought the point of religion was that humans are to rise above our animal instincts. Allah made people in different forms by which He tests all of us. He may well create people with a naturally-developing homosexual orientation, just as He creates people with a naturally-developing heterosexual orientation, to test all of us, gay or straight, in refraining from zina and fahisha.
Mubarak,
This a list of animal who display homosexual behavior, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior. You really should not say what you are unsure of.
Assalaamu aleikum,
I will not make a conclusion on whether or not homosexuality is forbidden in Islam as the only knowledge I have are ayaat 7:81 and 26:165 of the Qur’an, which talk about the people Prophet Lut came to warn. I personally see it as something unnatural and feel it to be haraam, however, I think it’s also very important that we show sympathy and support to our brothers and sister who have feelings toward the same sex and to help them resolve them. We need to be constructive.
There are several types of homosexuals. The most one that comes into the minds of religious people are people who are bored of one sex and want to try something new, or have actively strayed so far from the righteous path that they are simply rebelling against God or society through their homosexual acts or relationships.
The second type are those who have genuine homosexual feelings but they don’t know why. They didn’t do anything rebellious, they have probably never had sex, they just don’t feel attracted to the opposite sex, but to the same sex.
The last type are those who are born with mixed organs. Alhamdulilah these people are not many, however their struggle is greater than what any of us can imagine. I truly feel that they have a great test from Allah swt, but that He will show them great mercy on the Day of Judgement isa.
The first type are people who are the hardest to help, primarily because they are homosexual by choice, they see it as their right, and they are the most ones that participate in parades, etc. Convincing them that they are wrong in their choices is no small task as they can be quite zealous about their stance.
The second type are, I believe, like the writer of this article. Certain sequences of events and factors in their lives have depolarized their sexual orientation, despite their bodies producing appropriate types and levels of sex hormones. Many of these people are indeed interested and hopeful of overcoming their homosexual feelings, and their calls for help should not fall on deaf ears. The problem is that we don’t know how to deal with them. I had a friend who was Muslim and like a brother, but at one point he broke up with his fiancee, with whom he’d been for a long time, and that devastated him. Eventually he became homosexual. I tried my best to talk to him and help him to get back to the way he was, but I didn’t have the necessary knowledge nor skill set to do so, even though he was willing to try.
There have been many success stories around the world of homosexual people becoming straight, by a variety of means, but I think that until now there is no one universal way to make it happen. My best advice to those brothers and sisters is to keep your imaan as strong as you can, be active in the masjid and the Muslim community, pray, volunteer, do charity activities, and most importantly pray to Allah swt to help you be the best Muslim example. As for your homosexual feelings, as much as some people are saying you should talk about them, I tell you keep them to yourself if you truly want to stop. Especially from members of the same sex you may be attracted to. The moment that you become comfortable as a homosexual will be the moment that your quest will become many times more difficult. KNOW in your mind that it’s a sin, ask Allah for forgiveness all the time, but do not distance yourself from Him or the community just because you think you are committing a sin. I’m sure that most of the Muslims that go to your Mosque have committed sins in their lives that are equal or maybe even greater than yours. The point is to not give up, this is what Shaytan wants, instead fight him with tawbah and esteghfar, and Allah swt will be in your corner to push you forward in the right path isA.
“If homosexuality is acceptable then acts like rapping, killing, and all other acts should be acceptable for the society as the person can say that he/she was born with it and it was not a choice to them.” Except in all of these mentioned acts there is a lack of consent from the other party. A man forcing sex on another man is still rape. Two consenting adults engaging in homosexuality with each other does not harm anyone but these individuals who choose and consent to engage in this activity. Equating homosexuality to murder, rape, pedophilia, etc is thoughtless, in my opinion.
Kamal, you are wrong. you just can’t compare rape with homosexuality. In rape there is no consent.
Salaams brother,
I ask that Allah ease for you your hardship and that he guides you to the straight path. All I’m going to say is that the reason why most Muslims don’t talk about it, is because the discussion leads to a dead end. A very obvious one. I do hope you know about Prophet Lut and his story. An entire nation was destroyed because the indecent actions they were doing. Imagine, an entire qawm wiped out. The question remains why? Because it was an unlawful act. Who made it unlawful? Allah (swt). And we do NOT question His orders (that is very dangerous and leads to kufr). We hear and we obey. I’m glad you brought this topic up. But I hope you didn’t post this article for the purpose of justifying this act, or declaring it ‘unsinful’ (that would also be dangerous). I am your fellow Muslim sister, and I will make dua for you and I will ask Allah to guide you. No hatred coming from here. Just trying to deliver God’s message. I love all my Muslims brothers and sisters for the sake of Allah, and please remember: we are One nation, One people, One family. With peace I came and to you all I wish peace. Salaams
The issue with: muslims making jokes about gay people while their in the room or not is no different than when we make fun of other peoples religion and the non-believers do the same to us. Even within our Islamic sects. The way I understand the story of Lut: the gay people would not change and refused but there were men among them whom are straight as an arrow but choose to practice their desires on men. And this type or this group were the ones whom had to be saved.
Yahya, if a Muslim condemns moral degeneracy and perversion, he’s not wrong for doing so. Muslims have the right to do so. On the other hand, the disbeliever has no right to insult Islam.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
We condemn moral degeneracy but there isn’t a reason to curse their gods (aliha, what they enslave themselves to.)
A,
I do not know much and cannot give good advice (i mean i don’t know enough from an islamic perspective), but should you need a friend just for chatting, i would gladly be here for you. Don’t be sad and disheartened, remember you have a good support and listener in Allah 🙂 so if you need a friend reply and i’ll give you my e-mail adress. All the good wishes and may peace pe upon you.
I can’t say anything much which has not been better said.
However, I think that I should point out that we cannot compare someone who has same-sex feelings to someone who fornicates. The first is a feeling, which the person fights just as someone fights their own normal opposite-sex lustful feelings. The second is an act condemned fully by Allah SWT. Sodomy (homosexual romance/sex) is completely forbidden by Allah SWT, and we all agree on that. What we need to do now is help those who have these feelings and suppress them, to stay on the straight path of Islam, and I think that this is what the author was asking for.
(Also, you should see the comment above which distinguishes between ‘homosexuality’ – there are those who fully choose this path (as we are seeing in modern society today), those who are simply born with these feelings and fight them, and those who are tested by being born with mixed-organs)
Anyone consider the physical factors that may contribute to homosexual feelings? Of course Allah doesn’t burden anyone with a burden greater than they can bare. But we should definitely seek the means to addressing the challenges we face.
Alhamdulillah we need to address this issue from a spiritual level, but I think we have totally neglected the physical level. Our bodies are being bombarded with so many harmful chemicals these days in our food, water, and the synthetic materials we interact with. It naturally has an affect on our bodies- often increasing levels of estrogen and decreasing testosterone. Might be worth looking into if a person with homosexual feelings is seeking a means of ridding themselves of these feelings.
Anyways, didn’t see this point made before so I thought I’d add it to the discussion. May Allah ease this challenge for our brothers and sisters dealing with these feelings.
Asalamu aleykum.
All Praises belong to Allah.
May peace be on all of you.
Bismillah,
By the article, i understand that my brother seems to justify homosexuality as something which is natural and one has no ability to choose against it if they are indeed homosexual. Well…. Thats one way of looking at it, and the other and the correct way, is not to rely on limited human judgement but rather the Divine rule i.e Allah’s rule.
We know Allah is All Fair, He has no nature of wronging His slaves and we also know He is All Wise and The God of the universe. What He says is and has to be believed to be the most right, the perfectly right and unrifutably right, otherwise we are not the believers we claim ourselves to be.
Now, for my brother to say that homosexuals havent a choice like us straight people do, is competing with Allah as being the perfectly right. Think about it, how would Allah be fair, as He is, if he punished a nation(Lut) for something they had no control over. Why would Allah send a prophet to warn this people against this evil? Wudnt that be absurd to say that Allah is contradicting himself(a’udubillah) when he tells us that no soul will be punished for something he has no control or will over but rather what that soul caused by his own choice?.
So long story short, just because you feel something is right and your desire for something is present, doesnt make it right. People are different. If everyone was left to decide on what is right and what is wrong, this world would not be a world to live in. Thank Allah for His prophets and books.
Another, is of the issue where someone says they are sincerely commited to Allah while they are involved in homosexuality (this is not me judging but rather discusing a point). It is not possible that a sincere true believer who has surrendered his entire free will to Allah to be a homosexual, which is a grave sin.
Notice here, when you surrender something entirely, you no longer have the rights to that thing, you must comply with what the owner says about that which you have surrendered to him, therefore all the rules of use will come from the owner. In this case when you surrender your free will to Allah, He becomes the full owner. You trust He has the knowledge and wisdom to safekeep your free will in your best interest and you trust you have no ability to takecare of your free will because you have no knowledge or experience. Also that if you dont give Allah to safekeep ur free will that it will be corrupted by shaitan( who is more intelligent and much more experienced than a human who did not surrender his will to Allah). You will then feel content that however Allah tells you to use ur free will is ultimately the smartest and rightest and safest way you could use it where it cannot be attacked by the devils.
Now, that in mind, you must also keep in mind that when you commit a sin and you do not feel regret and you justify that sin, it keeps you in dangerous grounds. You are following the footsteps of satan,he refused to prostrate and justified why he shouldnt when he said am created from fire and he is created from clay. This world is for tests, we were not sent here without a mission and this life is short. So to be smart you must disregard all your opinions and prejudices and preferences and think, how did Allah say i shud use my free will. So my point is, there is no discussion when it comes to divine rulings, thats none of our bussiness what we think. If Allah tells us to sit we sit, no questions asked. If he tells us why He told us to sit, then its from His mercy and not our right. If He tells us to sit and we stand and we justify our standing and come up with reasons why we shouldnt sit, then that means we dont agree with His ruling a’udubillah and we find ourselves in a better position to give a (better) ruling.
If any of us are not doing what Allah says, then we must be aware that we are commiting a disobedience and that is ok because humans sin, so we should repent and try again to be better, but to do opposite of what Allah says and justify it is never gonna be okey and will cause Allah’s anger and punishment. May Allah guide all of us and protect us from the corruption of the shaitan. May He show us what is wrong as wrong and help us to avoid it and what is right as right and help us to follow it. Aamen.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
“There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin.”
What exactly are you trying to say with this? That there is an Islamic viewpoint that the feelings ARE a sin? Because I have never heard this.
Or are you saying there is another Islamic viewpoint that these relationships are ok? Because they aren’t…
Thank you for posting this. It is however a common belief in Muslims that homosexuality is a disease – I have heard people say this in Khutbas. You have more or less answered this canard by pointing out that if sexual orientation is not a choice, how can it be a disease? The same was established as scientific fact by the American Psychiatric Association in 1974.
So then, when Muslims claim that Islam considers it a disease, how are they not adding an unscientific claim to Islam? If Islam is immutable it means you cannot add anything to it – everyone knows that you cannot remove something from it, but immutable works both ways – adding anything that is contrary to science (or reason) seems just a bit worse. The verses themselves are against rape (sodomy).
Aarmir,
What the Western researchers make up on a given week doesn’t mean that it is a fact. Homosexuality is, in the least, a disease in the heart which inclines one to desire to engage in perversion. If the Muslim resists these inclinations for the sake of Allah, then this is a good thing, and he earns reward.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
There are clear ayat in the Quran against the very act itself.
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah to all my brothers and sisters
I want to share my experience only because I believe it will add to this discussion and also help me heal, so thank you for your patience. The outcome of the experience I want to share is to give one example of how homosexual feelings can be acquired instead of inherent. My personal understanding is that the acquired homosexuality is more common than the inborn
To introduce myself, I am a scientist as well have worked with children who were sexual abused, and been involved with various community development initiatives and islamic activities for many years now as well as taken formal knowledge in Islam. My religion is the most important thing in my life and it has been a guiding force all my life.
But here’s the thing, I grew up with a mentally ill mother, an irresponsible and violently hot-tempered father, as well the only other male member in the ‘family’ was my uncle, a well qualified and respected physician..but he was a gambler and a drunkard. My aunt was married for 25 years to a man who did not work but she provided for him. And all this in a so called ‘Muslim’ family in a traditional Muslim community. That is, a community that reveres the man as the provider, the woman as the home builder and does not allow women (despite what is in theory in our deen) to escape bad marriages easily. It is hard for a western society to understand the dynamics of that type society. Suffice it to say, I thank God for my emigration out of there.
As you may imagine I never had much respect for men nor did I think marriage was a favourable thing, rather a place where women were in state of vulnerability and sexual exploitation. I know these words are hard, but bear with me, I am stating it as it was for me. Unfortunately most people suffering in such situations are the ones who cannot easily speak up. During high school I was befriended (I went to an all girls high school) by an incredibly beautiful talented Muslim girl who confided in me that she had been sexually abused in her childhood, and she came from a supposedly functional Muslim family. She was too scared to speak about this to her family. It was during that friendship that I began to really question my sexuality as I felt I was more attracted to individuals of my own sex than the opposite. At this time I was also learning Islam (my family hardly needs be said was unpractising at the time) and the more I studied and learned the more I tried to implement. I was very strict with myself about lowering my gaze when it came to boys as this was an age where all my friends had boyfriends…though we were Muslims we were in a dominantly non-Muslim westernized society. You needed a boyfriend, to drink, party etc. to be ‘cool’. However now looking back I wonder if I did the ‘lowering the gaze’ too well as it took me that much longer to be comfortable around guys without a fear psychosis developing. As in, I had no experience of good males in my family and because of my strictness with myself really did not even make male friends, so for me the male sex was either bad or unknown.
To wrap this up, suffice it to say that after many years of working on my inner issues by Allah’s grace, and also with the practical help of Allah azza wajal (moving me out of that society, giving me a good community etc.) I’ve begun to realize no I am not homosexual, rather I have a healthy attraction to men. But this is only in the past few years as I’ve been healing more and more and to be honest very much it helped to have my father resume his prayers and come back to being a ‘normal’ father figure.
I wanted to share my experience, in the hopes it will open hearts to Rahma…I did volunteer work with sexually abused kids -the deamons they have inside… Allah help them! words fail me…you cannot understand unless you have gone through it. I think these things play great parts in to our later sexuality. But it is interesting to me as a scientist, seeing how I have changed. That I’ve gone from not being comfortable or remotely attracted to men (I had zero respect for the male species unfortunately) mashaallah I’ve come to a stage where I can even find them attractive and the thought of a man does not fill me with fear.
So my point is that one’s sexual tendencies can come about due to experience instead of just being ‘born with it’. It is a great struggle to keep away from forbidden acts. And in this regard I am glad Islam has clear bounderies, else I think there would be a lot of gay marriages…coz its easy It’s harder to fight one’s deamons. Allah help us all. Even I may have even gone down that road, auzubillah. Allah knows my heart and none of you do, so please don’t judge as being judgemental can hurt one’s iman. I am only being honest thinking of my past. There is a wisdom in bounderies.
I do not know how this plays in to a truly inherent ‘congenital’ homosexuality… I honestly wonder about that, whether it is real. The science says we have both male and female hormones when we are infants..but usually one type wins out. And my personal hypothesis is that environment plays a great part in which wins out. Even things such as upbringing and what is moulded if you will in the infant/toddler.
WaAllahu a’alam, wahuwa hasbuna wa niamal wakeel!
-And Allah knows best, He suffices us and is the best Trustee
Thank you for reading and peace to all
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Salam. Beautifuly well said. I wholeheartedly agree with you and understand everything you said.
I shall say one more thing.
Many people seem to object to homosexuals (those having same-sex attractions, NOT committing sodomy) for talking about this issue, because it’s something to be ashamed of. I shall put aside the fact, as far as I know, that nowhere in primary sources of Islam (Qor’an and Sahih hadith) is mentioned, or even implied (from a certain perspective) that having same-sex attractions (SSA) is a sin, a disease, wrong or similar. However, those people forget that Mohammad, peace be upon him, wasn’t ashamed to even talk about sex itself, and what things should husband and wife do and what they shouldn’t do when they have sexual intercourse.
These people say something like “It’s not to be talked about with others. You should pray to Allah, and seek His help”. And what should that supposed to do? Will Allah send one of his angels (melek) to “clean” the soul of the “diseased” one? Yet people forget that, in the time of Mohammad, peace be upon him, people came to him asking about whatever they had a problem with, seeking counsel and aid. Seeking answers to the questions they had. How else should they know anything if they hadn’t asked?
Yes, Allah is the one that changes anything He wants. But also, He is the one that set up the natural laws by which He (mainly) conducts such acts. And, the majority of His help is received via other people and things, either through counsel and answers, or directly through physical acts of assistance.
The irony is even greater.
Suppose that homosexuality (same-sex attractions) is an organic disease. Then, there must be a cure for such thing. If there is a cure, then someone somewhere must have it. Allah? Of course, but what use of Him having a cure if He keeps it for himself? Then a person, or a thing must be a medium by which Allah would give His cure. And how would someone acquire that cure if not seeking that person or a thing? A doctor would want to know what it is that his patient is afflicted with, so he can prescribe him a medicine by which, with Allah’s help, would a person be cured. So, a diseased one would have to say to doctor what it is he sufferes from, not hiding it for himself as that would be of no use to the afflicted.
Suppose that, on the other hand, homosexuality isn’t an organic disease, but is a disease of the “heart”, just like, for example, being envious is. First, for that to be considered a disease of heart, there has to be a valid argument somewhere in the primary sources of Islam. Second, when it is confirmed that it is a disease, a cure must be present, for Allah created not a disease without a cure. And where that cure lies? In the mind of the diseased? In praying to Allah? The latter might be of use, but natural laws weren’t created by Allah so that He would break them every now and then. So, then a person goes to “doctor for diseases of the heart”. And how, is my greatest question to all, would a “doctor for diseases of the heart” know that a person is even ill, if the person successfully hides his illnes (no symptoms shown), and talks not about them? How would a “doctor for diseases of the heart” be of any use to the “diseased” one, if he knows not even what it is about?
Mohammad, peace be upon him, has, to my knowledge, said that an ill person is obliged to seek a doctor (not excluding “doctor for diseases of the heart”), and that with that doctor’s assistence, Allah’s help and the ill person’s faith in Allah’s help, will the illnes be cured.
We should not forget that Mohammad, peace be upon him, was also a “doctor” of a sort. It is him through which Allah has said what is and what isn’t a disease. It is him to whom people complained about a variety of things. It is him to whom people went when they needed advice about something, not Allah, as Allah would most likely not respond to them. Because, if Allah would respond to every query, then prophets would be of no use, it is my opinion. It is Mohammad, peace be upon him, to whom people talked about their private things (numerous examples can be found), seeking counsel and aid. And Allah is the only one who can help, but a measure of His help is indirect, that is, it’s given via people (for example doctors), and/or via things (for example medicines). I find it to be foolish to expect from Allah to always be of direct use. Allah sees everyone’s efforts, and gives His rewards accordingly. Simply praying for an illness to go away is a wasted effort, to my knowledge.
So then, homosexuals, if we should called them diseased, aren’t allowed to talk to a potential doctor about their illness? They should pray to Allah to remove their illness? And what if Allah, if we should consider homosexuality an illness, doesn’t want to eliminate such illness directly because he prescribed a cure for it, and thus gives His help via that cure? What then? And why, perhaps a bit off-topic, has Sufism occured, and their Sheks are considered “doctors for disease of the heart” (to my knowledge), if all that is required is a bit of reading of Qor’an and faith in Allah’s help, for one to overcome any obstacle. Because, as far as I know, for the same reason Prophets, peace be upon them all, have been sent: a man or a woman alone too often are far too weak, and have far too little knowledge, to possibly even be able to understand what it is exactly they have a problem with, not to mention how to solve the problem.
Those are, in my opinion, reasons why it is a complete error to cast aside talk about homosexuality, whether one considers it to be a disease or not. It is an issue, an issue many people have. And a majority of those people, to my knowledge, have either too little information or incomplete information about it. Either the knowledgeable in Qor’an and hadith will finally devote their resources to serious research about this issue, or they’ll face the grave consequences of their ignorance, and perhaps even arrogance, is my opinion. And I hope that Allah will give strenght to those seeking truth in His name, to properly tackle this issue and be done with the misconceptions surrounding it.
With all this said, I shall only state that I consider same-sex attractions to be normal, not an illness or sin, or anything similar, while committing sodomy (sexual intercourse) I know to be a sin.
Salam.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
“With all this said, I shall only state that I consider same-sex attractions to be normal, not an illness or sin, or anything similar, while committing sodomy (sexual intercourse) I know to be a sin.”
That is the first step. I think this leads to “Daddy if these feelings are normal why does God punish us for acting upon them. Daddy if Nabi sallahyalayyhiwasalam will intercede for every Muslim..and we are all sinners, why not just support gay rights? Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”
Alaikumu-salam…
Whether something, from a person’s pespective, is viewd as “normal” or not, is not the same as being allowed or disallowed. Many things could be called normal, but it means not that other things, directly or indirectly related to that thing, can also be called normal.
But, personally, I dislike the word “normal” and would be happy to see it being less used. It is “normal” for a man to have sexual intercourse with a woman, generaly speaking. But, exceptions of this “rule”, to call it that way, are numerous. Aside from it being considered forbidden, as far as I know, for a man and a woman to have sexual intercourse unless they’re married (and in that other case of a woman being in the “possession” of the man, for a lack of a better word at the moment), it could also be stated, from a certain point of view, that a sexual intercourse between two close relatives, for example a brother and a sister (that is, committing incest), is neither normal nor natural.
So, perhaps someone has some feelings towards a close relative, and those feelings are heterosexual in nature, but that makes them not an excuse nor a reason, or justification to act illegitimate, according to Islam. Furthermore, there have been documented cases in the history (I think Egyptian pharaos), who had their sisters as spouses. That means having sexual intercourse between them had to be considered normal.
This is the reason why I think is crucial to separate the word “normal” from “(dis)allowed”. Various cultures can consider something normal or not, but Islamic law needs to be above such things. Whether something is normal or not, from a human mind’s perspective, is not a reason why something is forbidden or not, as far as I know.
As far as the “issue” with a child and a daddy goes, the daddy needs to be educated enough to explain these things, and make a clear distinction between what is thought to be normal and what is forbidden in Islam. Or are people afraid of truth? While I said that I consider homosexuality (in terms of same-sex attractions) normal, I might be wrong; that’s why I say “I consider”, not “I know”. But, my “considering” is based upon some knowledge which I’ve obtained over the years. And what knowledge, what evidence or facts do those people who claim that same-sex attractions are an illness, or a disorder, or anything similar, have? Do they claim it based upon Islamic teachings? If so, and such a thing is very risky, then they should clearly show their evidence, in support of their position, and not simply dismiss the whole issue claiming it to be an “agenda”. Even if it is an agenda by some people, that changes not the fact that evidence-based opinios are of some value, while opinions without evidence have no weight.
This issue, along with possible attempts to justify erroneous doing (using emotions and thoughts to justify a sin), is far more complicated than it might seem, and an “average” person, without proper education, cannot hope to properly tackle the question and reach conclusions that have some validity. Those who would answer such a complicated question with a single word, such as “disease”, “disorder”, or multiple words even, like “a simple matter of choice”, are, to my knowledge, being ignorant at best, or being arrogant at worst. Such a stance helps nobody.
Lastly, again regarding a “son/daughter and daddy” problem: every person is responsible for their ACTIONS, and many of them will be questioned about their ACTIONS when the time comes, but at no point one should ever consider his emotions, or thoughts, or beliefs to necessarily bear any justifications for such actions; at no point is to be considered that emotions, thoughts or even beliefs will necessarily be considered an “alibi” when the time comes for people to be saved or thrown into doom.
The only problem, from a certain perspective, is a question like “Why has Allah forbidden that, when He didn’t forbid this?”. It would be best, I think, if people would just stop asking this question, for their own good, but people have always asked, and will continue to do so. The answer to this question, when it comes to same-sex attractions, is surely at least a difficult one to obtain, I think. But, what I can do is provide a piece of an answer. Well, not that I’ll back it with irrefutable evidence, but, to my knowledge, having sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex is potentially more dangerous in terms of acquiring certain diseases. This is regarding body. How such acts (sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex) affects the soul is another potential problem (excluding the obvious doing of a sin, which itself has the potential to drive a person away from Allah, as far as I know).
But anyway, just one more thing. What my (personal of course) belief is (not that this belief is backed by any evidence) regarding the reasons Allah created the ability for a human to love one of the same sex, but disallowed sexual intercourse between them, is that He made certain rules, to His liking, not necessarily revealing wisdom in such rules, and commanded humans to act certain ways, so that He may see who will act the way He commanded, despite (person) possibly not liking those rules, and who will not act and will choose the percieved easy way, instead of submitting to the rules. Well, this still doesn’t answer the question of why homosexuality (in terms of same-sex attractions) is enabled by Him as a way of feeling. I’m currently at a loss to be able to concieve a better answer. Perhaps this is one of those things that will never be fully understood, though I’m aware that the word “perhaps” is of no use.
I, however, am not of those who are bothered by questions like “Why did Allah created homosexuality, yet hasn’t allowed this or that?”, and for that I’m grateful to Him. Though, also, I can understand those who ask themselves such questions. That is why I think that this issue is important and is not to be dismissed so easily, as many people do.
One more thing…
You say:
“Daddy if Nabi sallahyalayyhiwasalam will intercede for every Muslim..and we are all sinners, why not just support gay rights? Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”
It is correct, to my knowledge, that Mohammad, peace be upon him, will intercede for every Muslim, but… who, of around 7 billion people of the world at the moment, can claim that they will die as a believer, a Muslim? Can I, you, or anyone else in the world say that we will die as believers? To my knowledge, no – none can claim to have the knowledge of how someone will end their life – as a believer or as a nonbeliever.
Also, my second answer is perhaps too lengthy, so I’ll try to convey my thoughts on this issue, with regards to your post, with more brevity…
You say:
“That is the first step.”
Of what exactly? Of path of doom? Or of path of understanding and properly tackling the issue so many of people (including Muslims) have been facing, for far too long, in my opinion? Should a Muslim, or anyone else, be afraid of truth, whatever that truth is? And if we steer clear of trying to obtain truth, then it is only right for us to suffer even greater consequences of such stance, is my opinion. Either every single person on the world will seek truth, or those who would spread lies will gain dominance, is my opinion.
You say:
“I think this leads to /snip/”
Just as you think something, so do I, and every other creature capable of thinking. But that makes not either mine, or yours opinion of the matter the correct one. But, what, in my opinion (and again, in my opinion), needs to be done in order to differentiate our opinions about a particular matter, is knowledge. And knowledge about something can be obtained in various ways. That includes genuine, unbiased research into the subject, for the sake of truth. No, actually not merely for the sake of the truth (though that might suffice as well), but because knowledge of the truth gives the one who has it the ability to properly act – and properly doing something, like helping (that is, being a medium by which Allah would help someone, or something), can be invaluable, is all my opinion.
What one should strive for, I think, is to have an opinion BACKED BY EVIDENCE, not an opinion which isn’t even his/hers, but is merely something one blindly accepts from others. Matters of faith, of course, are to be, to my knowledge, without exception, accepted as Allah and his Prophets, peace be upon them all, said so. But what about those things, and as time progresses there are more of those things, which haven’t been explicitly, or implicitly explained, yet they can be? Should one forget about it just because it’s a complicated matter, which requires a lot of effort to even make small progress? My answer is that no, one should not allow himself/herself to dismiss an issue. And once more, as somewhere in these comments I’ve stated, a valid opinion is the one backed by evidence; this is my stance, perhaps wrong, but also not mine alone.
You say:
““Daddy if these feelings are normal why does God punish us for acting upon them.”
Feelings are one thing. One can, to my knowledge, love, hate, detest, be angry, and not commit a sin. Actions are another thing, both separate and related to emotions and thoughts, and even urges; one can, to my knowledge, be angry and commit a sin (numerous examples, including unlawful murder) – will the one committing a murder justify his action as a result of “normal, natural feeling which naturally leads to committing the act of murder”? – of course not.
Once more, feelings (emotions), thoughts, and urges can, but DON’T HAVE TO, lead to actions, whether sinful or not.
You say:
“Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”
Allah created not a reasonable entity without obligations. Parents, to my knowledge, have certain obligations too. It is their obligation, as far as I know, to properly educate and discipline their offspring. To be able to fulfill such a task, they need to educate themselves first, just as Allah, in sura AL-ALAQ says:
“Read in the name of your Lord Who created.”, and
“Read and your Lord is Most Honorable,
Who taught (to write) with the pen
Taught man what he knew not.”
And when they sufficiently educate themselves, then they can say, to my knowledge, that, yes, Islam is about love, care and compassion, but it is also so much more, and for every single thing a person does, whether allowed or disallowed, could be asked when the time comes. And the parents will be capable of saying that each person, when the time comes, will receive a book of his/hers DEEDS, NOT emotions, urges and thoughts, as far as I know.
But, there is far too much to be said of this immensely important issue, as I consider it to be, to give answers in few comment posts.
May Allah helps those who believe in Him, and are in need of His help (and who isn’t in such a need?) to, if nothing else, be patient and restrain themselves from doing what is forbidden, whether the reasons why those things are forbidden are either clear as a day, obscure,completely unknown, or something in between.
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In Germany they are debating Rights for Zoophiles i.e. legalizing sex with animals. Europe is always a step ahead, as North America becomes more like Europe, they take it a step further..
Salam Aleykoum brother, thank you for writing this article. Your article along with the comment from “Your brother” really made me think differently about gay Muslims. I’m a convert and since the past 7 yrs of being Muslim I’ve rarely heard this kind of issue. I find Muslims can be really harsh with one another. This made me remember one time I was in a mosque chatting with a really nice woman. We were talking about life and eventually got to the topic of relationships. She asked if I was married, and I said yes. Then I asked her if she had a partner. She said “yes…” I just said “cool.” Then she said “She is a woman” and I just said “k”. It seemed very ordinary, the way she said it. But then she just burst out crying. So I hugged her and she just cried and cried on my shoulder. She seemed to have just been holding in all these tears for so long.Then she wiped her tears and said, “You don’t know what you have just done for me”. We prayed salat and I never saw her again. I think now I understand better the burden that was on her shoulders. She must have felt really alone. Anyways thank you for helping me to understand better. May Allah forgive me and bless u. all Amin.
ASA,
I am grateful this topic here, not because I share the author’s problem, but because I sympathize with the loneliness he must feel; such a thing can drive people away from Islam and that is to be discouraged. I am glad, however, the post and the site hasn’t followed the trendy pattern lately amongst certain muslims of condoning homosexuality. May Allah make things easy for the homosexual muslims, keep them all chaste, and guide them to turn to him in repentance. May Allah reward the site and staff for having the courage to address the issue.
wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
You are mistaken if they can be still considered Muslim after justifying same-sex. Listen to that video of Yusuf Qaradawi.
Whoever declares a widely known haram thing to be halal is a disbeliever. One cannot just distort/reject certain ayat of the Quran!
“May Allah make things easy for the homosexual muslims, keep them all chaste, and guide them to turn to him in repentance.”
Salaams …
“There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin.”
Nobody said anything about justifying same sex relationships. Nobody claimed homosexuality was halal.
All the article states is that homosexual inclinations are not a choice, any more than inclinations for pork over chicken. The sin is in choosing to ACT on those inclinations. I think bacon is yummy … that doesn’t mean I’m a sinner. If I EAT bacon, that’s a problem … in the same way, having an inclination towards the same sex is not in itself a sin.
Gibran, I’m sure you have fasted before during the month of Ramadan. I’m sure you have felt that feeling of desiring something that you couldn’t have, I know you have felt that rumbling in your tummy in the final hours of your fast and I know you have caught yourself imagining what you would break your fast with. In these hours you definitely DESIRE food but you do not choose to eat, therefore you have not sinned.
I understand that you are hungry towards the end of your fast but I would not excuse you for breaking it. In the same way, Mohammed Yusuf is asking not to be excused but merely understood. Think of Mohammed Yusuf’s struggle as a fast, only there is no iftaar. Imagine, spending the rest of your life “hungry”. Imagine if it was the opposite sex that was forbidden to you … how hard would that be? Wouldn’t every day be a struggle? Wouldn’t you want for your fellow Muslim brothers/sisters to be supportive and understanding?
No not really…why is that so many sisters support this sort of abnormality ? Why are sisters making excuses ? To compare with brother’s Gibran’s fast was tad too much, eh ?
Noor, Well said!!
Well said Noor.
I desire many things that are not halal… but for the love of Allah (SWT) – this is a part of what makes me human.
To aspire to please Allah (SWT) and my community – that is what makes me Muslim.
To feel a desire, and choose the right path over the haram. This is why Allah (SWT) gave us free will.
My heart goes to any brother of sister suffering from desires which conflict with their beliefs.
My respect goes to the brothers and sisters who respect and support on another.
As Salamu Alaykum. This entire post is such a Hope for me. That there is somebody out there who knows how it feals, who knows the weight I carry, who knows the pain, the hurt, the cries, the screams, the silences.. who knows how it feels to stand before Allah day and night and asking for help.. to secretly say “ameen” to the dua’s made in the mosque.. to hope that one day, that day, when Allah will be right in front, HE will forgive and HE will understand what I was going through. Being homosexual and being a Muslim is tough – so very tough. And the only thing that can heal me is meeting Allah subhan wa ta’ala, hearing HIM say me that it is over, my struggle is finished and I’m not relieved.
I don’t even remember what was my age when I was sexually abused by a guy. He was finishing up before I could realize what was he doing down there, flashbacks are what I have got now. He took away the control of myself, my situation and the body that I own. “This will feel so good” sounded nice to those little ears. “This is normal, do not panic” – yeah but I was not being protected, I was being abused. He broke me and my 23 years of silence is now breaking. Even though his hands are not physically there any more, they are still there! So em I stained? Know that I did not ask for it. Now you judge me? Okay, you believe me? Ahaan, I’m less of a man right? So you have questions, about my sexuality? You still want to ask me if I was ‘Sodomized’?
I kept this to myself since years and now I really feel like what most of us call it “coming out”. All this is because I feel I have seen that person street side nearby my home last week and everything, every inch of that incident in my life came before my eyes. I tried stopping by however was not able to chase him. If I ever get a chance to speak to him, the only thing I would ask him for is to give me my child hood. Back to me – in these very hands that I kept digging in concrete since years trying to find out what’s wrong with me! And I returned empty handed. I want to look into his eyes. The same very eyes that filled fear in me.
It’s cold. Too cold, sometimes. I mostly feel like crying my heart out, screaming at the top of my lungs or simply giving a hug.
Sharing it here because hopefully I’ll find out I’m not alone and I’m not an alien in this world of amusements. And I’m not diseased, neither I will pass on this ‘infection’. Remember that I stand next to you in your prayers, my silent “ameens” joins the echo of your ameens too, there are many like me than you may think. And when you are reading this, I might be screaming inside four walls of a room but silently so that my voice could not be heard. O Allah subhan! Heal me!!!
wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh
You can take it all back from him on Yawm al Qiyamah.
Imam Ahmad recorded that `Abdullah bin Muhammad bin `Aqil heard Jabir bin `Abdullah say, “I was told about a Hadith which a man heard from the Prophet , so I bought a camel and put my saddle on it, then I traveled on it for a month until I came to Ash-Sham, where `Abdullah bin Unays was. I said to the doorkeeper, `Tell him that Jabir is at the door.’ He said, `Jabir bin `Abdullah’ I said, `Yes.’ So he came out, still putting his garment on, and embraced me, and I embraced him, and said: `I heard a Hadith narrated by you, that you heard from the Messenger of Allah about reciprocal punishments. I was afraid that you or I would die before I could hear it.’ He said, `I heard the Messenger of Allah say:
«يَحْشُرُ اللهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ النَّاسَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَوْ قَالَ: الْعِبَادَ عُرَاةً غُرْلًا بُهْمًا»
(Allah will gather the people — or His servants — on the Day of Resurrection, naked, uncircumcised and Buhman.) I asked, `What is Buhman’ He said,
لَيْسَ مَعَهُمْ شَيْءٌ، ثُمَّ يُنَادِيهِمْ بِصَوْتٍ يَسْمَعُهُ مَنْ بَعُدَ كَمَا يَسْمَعُهُ مَنْ قَرُبَ: أَنَا الْمَلِكُ، أَنَا الدَّيَّانُ لَا يَنْبَغِي لِأَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ أَنْ يَدْخُلَ النَّارَ وَلَهُ عِنْدَ أَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ حَقٌّ حَتَّى أُقِصَّهُ مِنْهُ، وَلَا يَنْبَغِي لِأَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ أَنْ يَدْخُلَ الْجَنَّةَ وَلَهُ عِنْدَ رَجُلٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ حَقٌّ حَتَّى أُقِصَّهُ مِنْهُ حَتَّى اللَّطْمَة»
(They will have nothing with them. Then a voice will call out to them that will be heard by those far away just as easily as it will be heard by those near: “I am the Sovereign, I am the Judge. None of the people of Hell should enter Hell if he is owed something by one of the people of Paradise, until I have settled the matter, and none of the people of Paradise should enter Paradise if he is owed something by one of the people of Hell, until I settle the matter — even if it is only the case of a slap.”) We said, `How will that be, when we have come before Allah barefooted, naked, uncircumcised and having nothing with us’ He said,
«بِالْحَسَنَاتِ وَالسَّيِّئَات»
(By ﴿merit for﴾ good deeds, and ﴿recompense﴾ for evil deeds.) Shu`bah narrated from Al-`Awwam bin Muzahim from Abu `Uthman from `Uthman bin `Affan, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah said:
«إِنَّ الْجَمَّاءَ لَتَقْتَصُّ مِنَ الْقَرْنَاءِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَة»
(The animal who lost a horn will settle the score with the one that has horns on the Day of Resurrection.) It was recorded by `Abdullah the son of Imam Ahmad, and there are corroborating narrations through other routes.
Masha’Allah, what a wonderful hadith, Gibran 🙂 You may feel I’m being sarcastic or ignorant when I say this to you that I can’t wait for the Judgement’s day to happen. I want to meet Allah straight away, see Him and fall in sujood and tell Him everything that I’m going through. I know HE knows everything. I want everything of this to get sorted out here as my both worlds are at stake! May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings and ignorance, ameen. However, beautiful hadith this is.. mashaAllah… they always inspire me… I feel I’m so weak with mind and heart, Allah forgive if I have said anything wrong.
Such a big test, subhanAllah. May Allah make it easy for you, and make this experience one that elevates you on the day of Judgment. Know that you’re strong, and that not everyone can carry the burden you have. Keep turning to Allah as HE is the only One who knows exactly what you faced and what you feel.
Ameen to your dua’s Selin. Thank you, jazakAllah for the kind words, I really appreciate. Exactly, HE is the only One who knows and who understands. May Allah elevate your status too for speaking to someone who is broken. Thanks for stopping by.
Asalamualakum,
InshahAllah my response can help some homosexuals. It is lengthy, but will make sense.
If anyone reads and tries to understand the Quran and sunnah, it clearly states Islam forbids homosexuality. Even the Abrahamic religions before Islam (Judaism and Christianity), they too forbid homosexuality clearly. An athlete (Jason Collins) recently reveled he was gay and while many non-Muslims are supportive, the religious people clearly are against. A former pastor and ESPN anchor spoke against it, and we share the same views.
Only a male and female can have children and anything else is haraam and without getting graphical, a male and male just does not ‘fit’ and a female and female likewise does not ‘fit’, and we should not try to make things work that was not meant to be.
In our world today, this, and many other sins (anti-hijab, less clothes, more out of wedlock relations, alcohol, music, etc) will become more and more common. Sin will be the norm. Our children of tomorrow will have many openly gay friends. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think the world is supposed to become corrupt with time and the Dajaal will come. So if you look at every country, that is precisely what is happening.
With that being said, I am trying to understand the arguments homosexuals make, such as the one made by the author of the article. Many claim they are born that way and it is out of their control. For a long time I did not buy this and felt it is a persons upbringing that causes them to become a homosexual. However a straight person cannot say whether a homosexual person was just born this way or made the choice. I would like to give the homosexuals who claim they were born this way the benefit of the doubt and lets say you were in fact born this way. Now what?
In Islam and our belief, we know every soul goes through their own individual test and Allah does not put a test on a person more than he/she can bear. Many parents have children who are born with diseases, mentally challenged, or lose a child. Many people are born to poverty. Many people are are born with a limb missing. Many people have to deal with divorces, death, finances, and various tests, all in their own way. So in the same manner, if a homosexual was born that way and has feelings for the same sex, that just has to be controlled and the sin happens when YOU ACT ON IT.
For homosexuals, this is YOUR test and you need to control it. We all fast in Ramadan, pray 5 times a day, give charity, have to lower our gaze, cover our bodies, refrain from pre-marital sex, and so on. This is what we have to do because Allah commanded us to do so. He gave us free will and told His guidelines and we have to follow it, and cannot make ‘customizations’ for ourselves. We cannot say on Day Of Judgement ‘I will ask Allah why he didn’t do this or that’ for me. That is a day we will be judged and as I said, there is NO TEST put on a person too much for them to handle.
Many married people still have feelings for another person. Many married people need to control their feelings and not commit adultery. Almost every soul needs to lower his/her gaze from another person who you are very attracted to. I can tell you being married and living in America, I see beautiful women left and right who wear next to nothing and I have to control myself which is VERY VERY HARD. In Islam, Allah has put a woman number 1 for a man, before his wealth, children, property, etc., it is woman! Many people have to leave someone they like and marry someone their parents want them to. Many people have to sacrifice different things for the sake of Allah- this is the test we were put in and we need to finish it.
If you have feelings for the same sex, just control it, marry someone of the opposite sex and pray to Allah to help you. Take those feelings to your grave. Yes it is easier said than done, but I just gave you a list of tests everyone deals with. Would you rather have a test of being born with a disease, be poverty stricken, handicap, or control your feelings for the same sex? The path we are SUPPOSED to take is control our desires. Islam is all about discipline (control eating, clothing, marriage, working, etc). Allah knows you did this for Him. You will continue to care for your spouse and have children and live a halal way of life. On the Day of Judgement, it is YOU WHO WILL be rewarded 10 fold.
I pray for you and that this helps you make your decisions.
-Salaam
Wow. Very interesting & refreshing.
@brucelee
walaikom As Salam..
masha’Allah well written, however something caught me here. You say “Many parents have children who are born with diseases, mentally challenged, or lose a child. Many people are born to poverty…” But nobody comes to me saying “I’m abnormal” if I am diseased, challenged, loose a child, or suffer in poverty. It is only when I’m a homosexual, I’m abnormal. I agree with you when you say about ‘by birth’. I’m yet to accept that I was born this way however I did not choose to be this way just like a heterosexual does not choose to be a heterosexual. The problem is we need to clean or change the lens through which we are seeing this. When I look at men, I hardly feel any desires rather I ask myself “what is wrong with me, why in the world i’m not like them. What is that is missing in me, why I can’t make the most of my life the way they do, why I keep feeling guilty and cry over my sexuality when I did not choose to be like this. “
Salaam,
The point I was making is Allah could have easily placed another test for you. Would you rather be a child begging for food, or a father unable to provide the food, or a person with cancer and his years numbered or a Muslim who knows he has a homosexual issue that he needs to address for the sake of Allah? We all go through tests. This happens to be yours and I pray Allah guides and helps you.
The reason why homosexuality is looked as abnormal is because it is forbidden. I know it is not easy, however because it is wrong and clearly written in the Quran, you have to not think twice about it.
As I said before, you have to just marry a woman, grow to love her, and live a halal life. Arranged marriages are all over the world. You WILL care for your family. You can control your desires. If your faith in Islam is strong and love for Allah is strong, then that’s all you need to succeed.
Let me give you an example. Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with numerous women. He committed adultery in every city he was in. When his wife caught him, he said he has a sex-addiction. Now, doctors say that is an actual mental disorder where people have a sex addiction. Should society accept this?
He is Christian, so adultery is as haraam to them as it is to us. Should Tiger have fought his desires for sex with numerous women for the sake of God or is his reason justifiable? Tiger says he was just made that way and did not choose it.
You said we need to change the lens through which we see this. What do you mean by this? That Islam and Muslims should embrace homosexuals? Please clarify. We cannot re-write the Quran and change what’s in it. That is why it is looked down upon.
I am sure you know Islam and know Allah said he created everything in pairs. You know the story of Lut.
I am going to level with you. I love women. I love beautiful women and looking at them. I am married. However, I do not cheat on my wife, and I try to lower my gaze. I know Allah Himself has said He put woman number one for a man, before his wealth, children and property. So when Allah said we need to lower our gaze, it is our test as men.
In the same way, please try to control what you feel and may Allah help you!
wa alaykum salaam Zaman . my heart and prayers go out to you akhi . i am your sister in faith and i hear you loud and clearly. most of all , feel your hurt . because this has happened and is still happening all over . it has not been dealt with (in my opinion) by the vast majority of ummah.alhumdulilah there is still so much hope.i feel that too .see how Allah the glorified has brought it to light by His mercy and grace.May Allah guide the muslimeen towards remedy and solution most suitable and may He bring to you a sense of sakeen for your heart ~ameen
jazakillahu khayr sis. Hearts of people from our own community are hardened and people like us, we need healing. Mostly words like these heal us. We don’t ask anyone to accept, we just only want people to understand and realize. Thanks a lot for stopping by and giving me hope. Truly, Glory to Allah alone. may Allah remove from you your troubles and problems and make you successful in duniyah and aakhirah, ameen. wa iyyak.
No. You are not less of a man because you were raped. You were taken advantage of. There is no sin on you that something was done to you. And you were a child as well, had not reached the age of being responsible, even if you were of the age of making salawat mandatory, you were not an adult. You had feelings; nerve endings do not differentiate between the gender of the one who “should” be permitted to bring pleasure (which you still had not agreed to!) and the one who did bring both a pleasure and a guilt feeling and confusion as well.
Allah, in His Mercy, has made it so that the feelings and thoughts that the Muslimeen have that are not for good deeds and are not acted upon … read the tafseer of Surah al Baqarah, the last three ayaat… not acting on them for wanting to obey Him is rewarded. Wanting to commit a sin, and not doing so because one knows that it is a sin, that Allaah does not like it, earns ajr, earns reward for not doing an evil deed AND for doing the good of obeying Him. We have that choice, whoever we are. Your wanting to confront the male entity who abused your body and your trust is natural, wa Allaahu Alim. Not acting on a desire to harm (that you don’t state, I am injecting it) is also natural, and rewarded.
Think good of your Rabb. You may desire a thing that is not good for you, you may want to avoid a thing that is good for you.
May Allaah give to you the best reward for the best of your good actions.
Thanks a ton Gia Daniel. Thanks for stopping by and taking out time to put this across. mashaAllah, that was inspiring to read and gives a good read and hope. Indeed so true – “not acting on them for wanting to obey Him is rewarded”. How merciful He is! Ameen to your dua’s.
I’m not sure about how each of us feel about homosexuality however majority of our own Muslim brothers are so intolerant and abusive. I don’t ask them to accept it, rather I ask them to understand how tough it gets. “Feminish, not-a-man, they don’t fit” and what not’s I read on social media from our own brothers. jazakAllahu khayr for this beautiful reminder anyways. May Allah give you success in this world and hereafter, ameen. 🙂
Wa alaikum Salam brother,
I would like to recommend a couple of support websites for survivors of sexual abuse. They are not Islamic sites. They are purely support sites. One is pandys.org/forums. The other is aftersilence.org. Both sites have survivors as members. You can post your feelings, ask questions, vent. It helped me a lot. I’m not homosexual but I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I don’t work for either of those sites, I just have benefitted from both of them. May Allah help you with this struggle. Ameen.
JazakAllahu khayr. I’m so happy to know that they are people out there who understand how tough it gets. Thanks for the support, I have been searching for help centers like these however I came across a few which are country-specifics. However, I’ll go through the links you shared. May Allah make this life and hereafter, easy for you and give you ajar in helping me out. ameen.
Ya Zaman,
Just because you were raped does not make you homosexual. Perhaps both are true- you were the victim of a rapist pedophile and you may be homosexual as well, but they are two different things.
As a child, you were not responsible for what a grown man did to you. You are innocent of that crime. Please stop blaming yourself. There is help for men and women who have been victims of rape. Please don’t be afraid to reach out and you will find that there are other men who were also abused. I beg you to get help from one of these sexual violence centers so you don’t have to live in pain and shame and you will find others who will become like your brothers and sisters because only they know the torture you’ve been through because they have been in the same place you are.
May Allah SWT bless you and have mercy upon us all, ameen.
Thank you Noor. Um, I don’t know have not got a clue however what I remember is yes, I was abused. The only thing I remember is I was very strange as a child. Never belonged to any groups, hardly had friends, mostly stayed in corners, hidden in silences, always lived in fear, afraid of men, never hugged my mother, always confused. With immense help from Allah, I have tried a lot on me – still I sink down at times. You are so true – I think I need help that could empower me. Ameen to your dua’s. May Allah bless you too and keep you safe, ameen. I shall look into these help centers.
In the Name of God, the Most Merciful & Compassionate,
What times do Muslims live in that out of all the all things to be concerned we, we have to deal with these sorts of problems. I know when I was a boy I use to brag to my non-Muslim friends that the problem of sodomy is never going to be an issue for the Muslims, but obviously I was so wrong, since now we have homosexual Muslims unions and articles like these. I love Imam Webb for his understanding of the problems that Muslim youth in America are going through, but as mentioned is some of the comments, he must take an unequivocal stand on this this issue. More so I think the administrative staff of this website should have a serious discussion amongst themselves whether to allow for these sorts of issues to appear.
This is a fitna of our age, these social media and self-gratuitous blogging. I mean ask yourselves my brothers and sisters, would common Muslims be having these discussions 100 years ago? Now no matter what your beliefs are or what sort of rational point of view you have, you can justify them via going online and finding others like you or misinterpreting or misusing some hadith or some fatwa to justify your stance. And then worse start attacking the accepted mainstream sunnah al-wa jamma to include your beliefs? Religion is something that changes you, not the other way around. Re-inventing the wheel is not going to make it any easier to use. Just because one has some fancy shmancy degree from a secular institutions (like NYU or Harvard or whatever) does not give them the right to re-interpreting or start changing rule.
But let me argue on topic with a sort of an embellished story:
A while back I saw documentary about pedophiles that have “served” their time but now can never really be allowed to integrate back into mainstream society. SO they sort of linger around some abandoned places and whatnot. But the shock was that unlike the image of the pedophiles we may have in our mind, of some creepy guy in an 80’s van or something, some of them were very educated and came from very good socio-economic backgrounds. And in an interview one of them, who I think was a lawyer or worked at Silicon Valley, said something every eerie. He said something of the sort that “we are what we are & society has to accept that. We really can’t go anywhere and we are part of society”. It was so uncomfortable to watch that. Very similar arguments were made for homosexuals and by homosexuals some 30, 40 years ago. And look at us now. The West always change their standards every decade or so. What was accepted now, was unheard of 15, 20 years ago. I am only in my mid-twenties and I so badly miss my childhood. Sometimes the campus and dialogues within seem so foreign and unreal to me. There is something wrong in a society when folks in their mid-twenties are already starting to miss the ‘good ol’e times’. Weather it is the whabbis or the Shia or now new branch, these secular liberalist, it is very hard being a Muslim, and even more so when you see other “Muslims” doing haram.
Sometimes one can have the wish to just ran away to a forest and live by himself to get away from everything.
So today we may have to talk about homosexuals, tomorrow pedophiles, and then necrophilia and it goes on and on. There is a hadith which states that “one of them will commit zina with their mothers, and there will be somebody in my Ummah that will do the same”? The dajallic path is being cemented brick by brick. Homosexuality will be a clarion issue for the Ummah of this century, (and I personally think it will be our sisters that are going to be in charge. Women will either save this religion or completely try to undo it. And I get that from reading some of the comments up above). Ultimately we as an Ummah will have to decide what face we will show on the Day of Judgment to the Lord of Creation, and when the best of creation comes around, what will others say of his Ummah? Whatever intentions we have, are we ready for That Day?
Jazakallah Khair
Salaam,
Pedophile and homosexual are not the same thing. Yes, in Islam both are wrong, but do not confuse the two. A pedophile rapes children. A homosexual engages in a consensual relationship with an adult of the same gender. Two very different things and they have two very different effects on society. It is very rare that a person would be both at the same time.
JAK
They are not right now…but wait and see. What about a ménage à trois and what about pornography ? If it is consensual why can’t we accept it ? G created me that way, so why can’t I do what pleases me if it is not hurting anybody ? Oldest trick in the book.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5269) and Muslim (201).
According to this hadith, if thoughts of zina cross one’s mind but the person doesn’t act upon it, Allah will not hold them accountable. Mere intentions are not accountable; rather the actions which follow them.
Similarly, if the a person’s test in this dunya is homosexuality, then as long as the author manages his impulses (himself or through psychosocial supports biznillah) and so doesn’t act upon his impulse, insha’Allah he will be rewarded wAllahu aalam.
Secondly, if Shirk, the greatest sin in Islam can be the subject of discourse then so can homosexuality. Learning about shirk doesn’t mean we accept it; rather we try to understand what shirk is in order to avoid it. Similarly, discussing the like of issues pertaining to this article will insha’Allah create dialogue and give us an understanding of how to resolve them biznillah.
Ismail,
I haven’t studied the hadith you quoted. But if the translation is accurate, then it says “so long as they do not speak of it…”
No Muslim should ever declare that they are attracted to the same gender sexually. They should not even declare that they are sexually attracted to specific people of the OPPOSITE gender.
If you have a haram thought, you need to fight it off and KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
To Safi:
“If you have a haram thought, you need to fight it off and KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.”
A thought can be haram? Do you have evidence to back this claim? Speaking something is an act of tongue, so it can be considered halal or haram or something else, but thinking? I think not.
“They should not even declare that they are sexually attracted to specific people of the OPPOSITE gender.”
But it is alright to say that you are a “normal” one, a heterosexual? Being homosexual, as being heterosexual, is not just having thoughts about sexual intercourse with someone. If one says that thinking about sex with someone (of either gender), and then talking about it is forbidden, then why the emphasis on homosexuals?
The article itself is not about thoughts primarily. It is about identity, and attraction, something not necessarily accompanied by thoughts. It is subtler than mere thoughts, meaning that just as one heterosexual can find a particular person attractive, but not think at all about him/her, so can a homosexual.
@HM
“A thought can be haram? Do you have evidence to back this claim? Speaking something is an act of tongue, so it can be considered halal or haram or something else, but thinking? I think not.”
To the extent that a thought is willfully indulging mentally in something forbidden, that thought is haram. Any thought that you can’t control cannot be considered haram. Examples: fantasizing about committing zina (whether with the same or opposite gender) is haram. But being turned on by seeing something or someone accidentally, but immediately averting your gaze and mentally changing the subject is not haram–it’s rewarded. As for my evidence, you need to consult with scholars, because they’re pretty clear that anything that leads to haram is itself haram, so a thought that one willfully dwells on can be haram. And Allah knows best.
MORE IMPORTANTLY, even if the thought itself isn’t haram, all these thoughts will do is get you either nowhere or it will take you to the haram actions. So you’re better off fighting off these thoughts and keeping them to yourself.
“But it is alright to say that you are a “normal” one, a heterosexual? Being homosexual, as being heterosexual, is not just having thoughts about sexual intercourse with someone. If one says that thinking about sex with someone (of either gender), and then talking about it is forbidden, then why the emphasis on homosexuals?”
I hate to break it to you, but heterosexuality is indeed normal, and homosexuality is not normal, if for no other reason than the prevalence of each category among the population. It’s completely acceptable to say that I am attracted to the opposite gender generally speaking, because this can be fulfilled in a halal way through marriage. Homosexuality cannot be fulfilled in a halal way. If you’re talking about love that is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NON-SEXUAL, then you’re talking about brotherly (or sisterly) love which ALREADY EXISTS among Muslims and is completely permissible and is encouraged by Allah Himself. For sexual love (or potentially sexual love), you need the opposite gender. For non-sexual love, that’s free for anyone. You don’t need to invent some imaginary category of platonic same-gender love to legitimize homosexuality among Muslims.
“The article itself is not about thoughts primarily. It is about identity, and attraction, something not necessarily accompanied by thoughts. It is subtler than mere thoughts, meaning that just as one heterosexual can find a particular person attractive, but not think at all about him/her, so can a homosexual.”
Listen, my friend. Finding someone to be attractive (even the same gender) has NOTHING to do with Muslims’ objection to homosexuality, and it should have nothing to do with your identity. Finding someone to be attractive is not something a person can control and thus cannot be haram. But to STARE at someone you think is attractive (who isn’t your spouse in marriage) is a sin, because it can inflame sexual passions, whether normal (and haram) heterosexual passions, or abnormal (and haram) homosexual ones. My objection is to people trying to make it acceptable to openly declare their desires for things that are haram.
“As for my evidence, you need to consult with scholars, because they’re pretty clear that anything that leads to haram is itself haram, so a thought that one willfully dwells on can be haram. And Allah knows best.”
Scholars? Putting aside that many have serious disagreements about various issues, I shall admit to not reading much of the work by Islamic scholars regarding the issue, if such works are of significant importance in the first place. However, I have read some things regarding homosexuality as an act, and can confirm that scholars are, to my knowledge, in agreement about it. But, I have not seen much of their attention brought to the issue from other perspectives, excluding both sexual acts between persons of the same sex and behaviour which is frowned upon in Islam (i.e. man behaving “like a woman”).
Also, merely stating “As for my evidence, you need to consult with scholars” is not an evidence, but is acceptance of someone’s thought about the issue. I will not however (ironically, from a certain point of view), offer irrefutable evidence on my part, but, like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I know not of any Qur’an aya, or Sahih hadith, in which it is stated, or even implied, that same-sex attractions (homosexuality in narrower interpretation) are haram. If they are haram, then there should be a punishment prescribed for them, and no such punishment exists within Qur’an or Sunna, as far as I know. Again, I shall state that having thoughts cannot be considered haram or halal, because they are not deeds. If you disagree with me, you are free to do so, but I shall not discuss this matter further.
Nonetheless, I also disagree with your statement that “anything that leads to haram is itself haram”, but I shall not discuss it.
Regarding this “all these thoughts will do is get you either nowhere or it will take you to the haram actions”, I disagree. There are various outcomes of actions themselves, and with thoughts and similar, much more outcomes exists. Is it impossible for there to be another outcome of any one particular thought, desirable or not?
“I hate to break it to you, but heterosexuality is indeed normal, and homosexuality is not normal, if for no other reason than the prevalence of each category among the population.”
Limiting the issue at hand to humans only, and limiting homosexuality to things other than sex and opposite-gender-like behaviour, I disagree. It is especially not a valid argument to call upon the prevalence of something within the population. Countless examples exist. Something can be considered “abnormal” in a particular population, from a certain perspective, if it deviates much from the average, in quality or quantity. The problem is, there are many things that deviate much (a relative term, but let us put that aside for now) in any given population. Surely you are familiar with the story about the people of Lut, peace be upon him – to them, acting in the way Allah has ordered was considered “abnormal” behavior, and they considered homosexual acts as something normal. This is only one example of why the statement “if for no other reason than the prevalence of each category among the population” is false as an argument. And like I said, numerous examples exist.
“Homosexuality cannot be fulfilled in a halal way.”
I do not understand. You mean homosexuality as sexual desire? A desire for sex? Then you are correct indeed. But, my understanding of homosexuality differs from that which you (and most other people) seem to have of it – I consider not homosexuality merely a desire for sex, not necessarily a desire at all. Regarding fulfillment – as with heterosexuality, homosexuality is much more than mere desire to have sex.
“If you’re talking about love that is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NON-SEXUAL, then you’re talking about brotherly (or sisterly) love which ALREADY EXISTS among Muslims and is completely permissible and is encouraged by Allah Himself.”
No I mentioned nothing of brotherly/sisterly love.
“For sexual love (or potentially sexual love), you need the opposite gender.”
In terms of sex – then yes. In terms of nonsexual (no sexual intercourse), but “sexually based” love, I disagree. Why would it be impossible to love someone, including being sexually attracted to him/her, and not committing acts which are forbidden. Furthermore, homosexuals, to my knowledge, rarely find any sort of fulfillment in heterosexual sex, when compared to heterosexuals.
“Finding someone to be attractive (even the same gender) has NOTHING to do with Muslims’ objection to homosexuality, and it should have nothing to do with your identity.”
You are wrong, but this post is large enough, and I shall not discuss this now.
“Finding someone to be attractive is not something a person can control and thus cannot be haram.”
Ah, and now you contradict to yourself, when this statement is compared to “homosexuality is not normal” and this one (where I see certain implication) “It’s completely acceptable to say that I am attracted to the opposite gender generally speaking” – so being attracted to a person of the same gender is not acceptable?
“My objection is to people trying to make it acceptable to openly declare their desires for things that are haram.”
And my objection to people, not that anyone is obliged to care, is using double standards in evaluating different cases of the same issue. Heterosexuals can say they love women, but homosexuals cannot. I shall stop here.
Also, regarding my statement:
“Also, merely stating “As for my evidence, you need to consult with scholars” is not an evidence, but is acceptance of someone’s thought about the issue. I will not however (ironically, from a certain point of view), offer irrefutable evidence on my part,”
I erred in stating that I shall not offer evidence on my part, because the burden of proof is on the one claiming something to be. And since no such valid proof has anyone offered (scholars included), I am not obliged to argue it with my “evidence”.
@Saifi: I hate to break it to you, but heterosexuality is indeed normal, and homosexuality is not normal.
If homosexuality is not normal, why did I chose to be abnormal? Why do you guys have to keep the “being normal” as a yardstick to look upon your fellow men. You have no clue and you never will about the level of weight and burden we carry. Just thank Allah subhan that this level of test is not given to you. Who is to be blamed for the sexual abuse of a 5th standard school boy? For arousing sexual desires in him at such a young age that turns him to be a homosexual or gay, who is to be blamed? His innocence? Oh yes, may be he was not normal by birth. Thanks.
“If homosexuality is not normal, why did I chose to be abnormal?”
I didn’t say you chose to be abnormal. I simply stated that homosexuality is abnormal. Some may choose to be that way, others may not. Only Allah knows what choices people make, and He will take them to account for any wrong choices. But let’s be clear, people being attracted to the same gender is NOT normal, just as any disease is not normal. Please don’t try to normalize being attracted to the same gender rather than the opposite gender–it’s just as abnormal as being attracted to your own mother or father. If you had such feelings to a first degree relative, you’d keep quiet about it and not publicize it to the world and say that it’s “who you are,” wouldn’t you?
I have to really wonder at some of the self proclaimed “gay Muslims.” Are your struggles really about resisting haram actions, or are they merely about the stigma that only comes when you declare to others that you’re attracted to the same gender? I get the feeling it’s more to do with the latter, and in that case it’s something you bring upon yourself.
Muslims struggling against abnormal feelings that urge them to commit haram acts might indeed be far more beloved to Allah than us “normal” ones, and they have my sympathy. But the moment they try to make their urges everybody else’s business and try to justify their desires is the moment they lose my sympathy.
@Safi
No I did not say that its you who claimed I chose to be abnormal. That was a question I was asking you. Ask as a question, rather than a claim and stop assuming things. So did Allah create me abnormal? By calling yourself as “us – normal ones” your self proclaimed goodness smells real bad. Nobody here is asking for your sympathy. You and me, we both need Allah. And when I say we should change the lens we are seeing this through, I mean to say change the methods you are using. All you “Self proclaimed straight community” have got one thing in common – you hide in the name of Qur’an. The moment you guys speak up, you speak only of “so do we change Quran for your sake”? Who the heck would want to change the word of Allah subhan? I get goosebumps even to type about it here and you have such a strength left in those limbs. It’s none of your business even to guess what my struggles are for. You shall understand only when your own son becomes victim of such a tragic evil prevailing in our society – sexual abuse! (God forbid) The fear cry and silence in his eyes will be invisible to you. Thanks.
well said.
Well now I know why articles like these are appearing on this website. I mean I was so happy for websites like these exist, so young muslims can see and read what is relevant to them and whatnot. But with stuff like this:
“At a Muslim conference in Long Beach last year, he suggested that mosques adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy toward gays. Afterward, he was accosted by a local imam who accused him of poisoning Muslim youth. “I told him, ‘Quite frankly, you’re going to be irrelevant in 10 years,’ ” Webb says.”
Oh Imam, you broke my heart. I was so inclined to listen to you and help spread the word of an Imam that had an American perspective, but stuff like this what can somebody say ?
” so young muslims can see and read what is relevant to them and whatnot.”
Of course, homosexuality, as is with anything else, is of significant relevance to some of the Muslims.
Due to the chronic lack of knowledge about the subject at matter, among if not all then vast majority of Muslim scholars, I would agree that it is better to be silent about it, than spread misinformation, misconceptions, and in many instances, pure lies about it. Words of the uneducated one (regarding any one particular matter) can do more harm than good.
I agree with your comments on this subject. Quran says Christian and jews will never be pleased with you until you become like them. What next , serial killers, who have strong urge to kill through no fault of their own.
49:00 to 55:00 … best…
Part 11 – The Prophetic Dynasty
with Ustadh Wisam Sharieff
Salaam,
A sin is a sin. So why do we treat homosexuals so terribly yet pray for other sinners? If we persecuted abusive men and extremists the way we go after gays, imagine how much more peaceful the world might be. We turn a blind eye to men who beat/abuse/mutilate/kill their wives and children but we openly and vehemently hate people who are not hurting anyone? We are all sinners and we all have struggles. We should always pray for each other regardless of our sin because we all seek forgiveness and we are ALL deserving of forgiveness. Nobody should ever tell someone, “You are not a Muslim.” We are all born Muslim and nothing can change that. Does one of you profess to have powers that Allah (swt) does not have? Do you have the power to change what someone was given at birth by Allah? I didn’t think so.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Yes but we are not all sinning the same. Some sins are far greater than others.
What? beating/abusing/mutilating/killing wives and women is a LESSER sin? Good to know, dude. Ruining people’s lives is a lesser sin?
Are we accepting wife beaters, abusive men, extremist, & etc, into the full fold of sunnah-wal-jammah ? Are we openly saying people of these elements should be part of our jammahs ? That they should be included on boards and and teach our children and what-not ? No, of course not.
And please, nobody is persecuting these people; nobody is going after them with pitchforks in a “gay witch” hunt, I don’t think so.
We know they exist and that is fine. The issue is integration into mainstream muslim jammahs (i.e. Irshad Manji and her “gay jihad” are the problem, not homosexuals themselves).
Subhaan Allah, I don’t have to struggle with being homosexual. That having been said, I wholly agree with “jmi” that the Muslim stance on this is hypocritical. As a community, we choose which sins to persecute. I personally know of women and children in my community who are abused physically by their husbands. Some of the Muslim men drink alcohol and some gamble. Yet, they are welcome in the mosque, especially if they donate money. However, if someone is homosexual they are a pariah. This is not right.
As ‘jmi” said, we are ALL Muslims and ALL deserving of forgiveness. Only Allah SWT knows what is in the hearts and judgement is HIS province. And Allah SWT knows best.
Because dear sister homexuality has been univerally condemed. In today’s society all the traditions of the past are being blowerdized. It is the principal…i.e. the sin, not the sinner which proves unacceptance.
The author is clutching at straws. I did not read a single comment about what Allah has instructed us to do in the article. May Allah protect us from Bidaa. Allah knows best.
“Muslim community needs to do more to support those of us who are homosexual and Muslim.” No muslim can support you once you choose to act what’s considered a haram. However, we can and will support you when you are struggling with something while you are against a formidable enemy, Iblis.
You can be anything you want to be, choose to be a subservient muslim, seek Allah and you will come out stronger than ever, after all we have the most powerful ONE on our side alhamdulillah.
Don’t give in, don’t succumb to your desires, you are a human being, don’t reduce yourself to be the slave of your desires.
“She believed she could and she did”.
Farhana
Glad to see some sisters actually saying this.
I can’t believe what I’m reading.
I am willing to accept that some people (though a combination of societal and innate pressures) may be attracted to the same gender (in the same way that some people have a tendency to anger and violence, and some have a tendency to overeat, etc), but we don’t have words that describe latter categories (at least not flattering or even neutral terms).
The concept of being a “homosexual” should be alien to us. If one is to admit that PRACTICING homosexuality is completely forbidden, then what on earth is the point of labeling yourself as belonging to a group of people who are inclined or tempted to commit this forbidden act?
I can sympathize with the challenges of having to resist such temptations, but I do not know what it means to be “supportive” of people with such inclinations.
Furthermore, I don’t see the point in PUBLICIZING to the rest of the world that you have an inclination to commit a haram act. What’s the point of someone saying “I have pedophilic inclinations, but I know it’s haram” ? Or telling people “I have fantasies of killing people, but I won’t do it because it’s haram” ?
We need to stop this right now. The road is a dead end. Don’t venture down it.
The concept of being a “homosexual” should be alien to us. If one is to admit that PRACTICING homosexuality is completely forbidden, then what on earth is the point of labeling yourself as belonging to a group of people who are inclined or tempted to commit this forbidden act?
I can sympathize with the challenges of having to resist such temptations, but I do not know what it means to be “supportive” of people with such inclinations.
Furthermore, I don’t see the point in PUBLICIZING to the rest of the world that you have an inclination to commit a haram act. What’s the point of someone saying “I have pedophilic inclinations, but I know it’s haram” ? Or telling people “I have fantasies of killing people, but I won’t do it because it’s haram” ?
Exactly. I read this article a few weeks ago and it left me uncomfortable but I didn’t know how to express it at the time.
This is what I wanted to say : “If you do KNOW that you have inclinations towards something haraam, why the need to share it if not ONLY as a way (maybe even subtle or subconscious) of justifying your feelings?”
We ALL have a part of evil inside of us. That evil part is CONSTANTLY encouraged/aggravated by the Shaitan that was assigned to each one us. The very second someone lets his guard down and starts to say to himself “I can’t win against this so might as well accept it as part of my identity and others should too” it becomes an open door to temptation and sin.
Everyone here knows what his or her weaknesses are, and YES some of them we were born with.
So, should a man write an article saying he lusts after other people wives, knowing he can never have them, then ask people to not judge him ?
“If you want to do xyz to your best friend/brother/neighbor’s wife… it’s okay. Tell us about it and as long as you don’t act upon it, we, your muslims brothers and sisters will acknowledge and support your haraam desires. After all, there is nothing wrong with WANTING to commit adultery.. I mean you were born like this… uh…don’t do it though, the act is an absolute abomination.”
Here’s the problem. You want your struggle to be acknowledged. To what end? What would be the point?
So that we feel sorry for you? Alright. We sincerely do. It is indeed a great test and I’m not being sarcastic at all.
Now what ? What is the next step? Should we take special measures,for instance segregate according to sexual orientation as we do with gender ? Publicly identified gay Muslims at the very front and straight males right behind them ? Same thing with women?
Should Masaajid invite a gay Shaykh every now and then to speak to gay muslim youngsters about tactics of lowering the gaze amongst men ?
I mean seriously ! Should we CHANGE Islam because you can’t help being the way you are?
Will our children grow up around “extra-struggling but chaste” gay Muslim brothers and sisters?
This is EXACTLY how it started in kuffar societies: acknowledgment, compassion, acceptance, desensitization and finally total and unconditional surrender.
This is what he see happening in those comments. People starting to say to themselves “Well if he is homosexual… then he is…. I don’t know… is it really that bad… what if he tries very hard not to do anything… is it okay then?”
Homosexuality has become so prevalent in today’s societies that people start becoming either completely indifferent or even clement towards it.
This article is dangerous because the author is hiding behind words to open a door that should remain closed.
I’ll use the author’s analogy to make my point.
We should continue to ignore the elephant in the room. We shouldn’t have to make bigger mosques for pachyderms.
Large animals need to understand that being created the way they are doesn’t mean the (smaller) world should adapt to them. THEY should make their best to squeeze in, until they’re let out.
You have a point.
Some truly ridiculous comments on here. I am a female Muslim scientist from the UK.
I can assure you that homosexuality is not a choice, neither is it unnatural.
Not talking about this or mentioning this is actually irresponsible. We need to help folk and to reach out to them, that cant be done by pretending they don’t exist. As Muslims we need to open our eyes and get in touch with our humanity and not just the idea of sin.
Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Justifying a sin is an even bigger sin and oblitertes any chance of repentance.
Read Quran. Read about prophet Lout.
When you say it is not a CHOICE or UNNATURAL you are blaming Allah for your sins.
At least have courage to take responsibility.
Okay sister-scientist from the UK, then what about a pedophiles or habitual rapist ? Are they born that way ? There , I believe, is an incest trial in Germany where a man wants to legally marry his own sister ?
There should be no persecution against homosexuals, but make no mistake about it, homosexulaity is a floodgate issue; you allow it, everything dissolves away, i.e. are sisters to wear the hijab in front of homosexuals ?
The same argument was used for all social changes and it shows a certain lack of integrity.The real reason that you and many other people are drawing the line at homosexuality is because you have lost in previous social battles.
Yes, sisters are meant to wear hijab in front of homosexuals, male and female (assuming you know). See Bukhari 4324, which is long and boils down to the Prophet sallalahu alayhe wasallam at first allowed a man who was considered “to be a male without any sexual desire” to visit his wives somewhat freely. Then one day he heard the man gossiping about the appearance of another woman’s body. At that point, he told his wives not to allow the man to enter, i.e., visit them indoors and them not wearing hijab.
Elsewhere, can’t find or remember it now, of course, that hijab is preferred if a sister is among women of loose morals. Couldn’t speak to whether the intention is to protect the sister from the women with loose morals or to distinguish the sister as not among them.
Now, as to the main topic. I met a man once who was a homosexual whose mother upon hearing of this arranged personally for their pastor (the family was nominally Christian), the local sheriff, and several other men of stature in their small town to come and pull him from his bed in the middle of the night, beat him to a pulp, drive him out of town and leave him bleeding by the side of the road. He managed to survive and never went home again. Miraculously, he also managed not to believe they in any way spoke for God. So that is one extreme in terms of reaction to the case of person being homosexual.
The other extreme is to say, “That’s okay, have a cookie. People can be sooo mean.”
What causes homosexual attractions? I’m not sure anyone knows for certain what the cause is. There are different theories sometimes voiced by people who are able to be calm and lucid in their expression. No one has entirely convinced me yet. My extremely unscientific opinion is that it is probably the result of multiple factors. Not everyone who feels same-sex attractions has been sexually abused in childhood, but many have. Not everyone in that group has had other kinds of trauma, but many have. I don’t know how that group compares to the heterosexual population. Research with twins raised separately indicates there may be some kind of underlying genetic factor.
I do know this: I am not accusing anyone here of this, but I will say that no one is ever helped by rejection. I don’t read rejection here. I read in the initial posts especially, “Wow, that’s tough, I will make du’a for you, this is a huge test and if you can just bear with it you are going to be well rewarded in the life to come.” To me, while I can see how it might sound like they don’t get it, but I also see in it the intention to comfort and support. Not with the intent to support the original author in sexual choices that are haram, there is no doubt that this form of sexual behavior is haram, but to support him in trying to heal and be a solid Muslim.
As to pedophiles and other sexual predators, there is in fact substantial evidence that their affliction is something they were born with. No matter what treatment method is used, the recidivism rate is overwhelming and sad. Once caught, society has two choices: either keep them locked away for the rest of their lives or kill them and be done with it.
The situation for people struggling with a tendency toward same-sex attraction is different in that it also involves the normal and healthy drive toward companionship. Predators tend to be anti-social.
I am aware of more than one couple who have both had same-sex attraction, married each other and made what appears from the outside to be a decent marriage out of it. Certainly, each could understand what the other was going through, an certainly, they could provide each other with companionship if nothing else, and that is a blessing not to be sniffed at.
The original author has a weight to bear, I think we can agree on that? Compassion doesn’t have to become a soppy sentimentality.
Muslim sister, I read your posts and see you keep calling people ridiculous and ignorant for not agreeing with you. Alright. Since you have a superior scientist brain, could you explain to us what exactly we should do in face of this issue? How should we help out and reach gay Muslims ? How do we get in touch with our humanity? Could you elaborate on specific measures that should be taken to make their (islamic) lives easier? You already told us not to judge. Fair enough. Judgment belongs to Allah. What else?
I wish I could let it pass, but sincerely, I HAVE to answer this. 🙂
Sister SK, please understand that people having different views than yours doesn’t make them less intelligent. Some people are just not able to express themselves as eloquently as others.
They still have a right to state their opinions without being called “ignoramuses” especially by someone who claims to be their sister in religion.
The problem is that you ASSUME we disagree because we’re too stupid, ignorant, fanatical and backwards to be able to grasp the complexity of the question. Well, believe it or not, some of us have used our brains and knowledge to examine the issue, we just arrived at a different conclusion than yours, which is our right.
We too have studied science and some of us are even scientists, just like you. Talking down to people you know nothing about doesn’t make you intellectually superior, it just makes you come off as arrogant and rude.
“Homosexuality is natural”. Well, so are bowel movements. Why then are most of us disgusted and embarrassed to talk about feces? I mean every human being since the beginning of times has been subjected to it. The answer is simple: natural is not necessarily synonymous to good.
It’s natural to be born with mental retardation. It’s natural in the sense that it randomly occurs in nature. Would you wish it on anyone’s child?
If naturally speaking, homosexuality is as legitimate as heterosexuality, why are our sexual organs only compatible with the opposite sex? As in biologically and physically compatible, meaning naturally leading to the survival of the species by means of reproduction?
We know that in the animal kingdom, species that are genetically close can reproduce: dogs/wolves, horses/donkeys etc. and we also know that their offspring will most of the time be infertile. It’s “Mother nature”‘s way of keeping things in order.
So, since homosexuality is natural as in wish-able according to you, why doesn’t “nature” adapt to it as it did with animals?
You said that homosexuality isn’t spreading, which is completely true. Gay people just feel more and more comfortable coming out in societies where their sexual orientation is more widely accepted.
But since homosexuality is so inherent to human nature, why aren’t there more gay people?
There are more blond/blue eyed people than there were 2000 years ago. People in the world are generally (much) taller than their ancestors. Why hasn’t “nature” produce a much higher percentage of
homosexuals although it’s so natural?
For the same reason that the majority of children in the history of mankind will be born healthy rather than with any mental or physical defect.
See? Some of us actually used our cognitive abilities to objectively analyze the issue and
come to a logical conclusion.
It’s not to say that Gay Muslims should be rejected.
If sexual urges nullified one’s Islam, I don’t think there would be a single human being entering Jannah on the Day of judgment.
Yes, heterosexual people have forbidden desires as well. Getting married might satisfy the emotional and sexual need but it does not make the attraction to other people go away.
Lowering the gaze and guarding one’s private parts is a lifelong battle for most of us. If it wasn’t, there would be no one committing adultery.
We fight everyday against our very nature and against the suggestions of Shaitan because we know the consequences of sins and because we want to please our Lord.
Why can’t Gay Muslims just do the same. Silently struggle like the rest of us?
Because they want to be justified in their desires and given permission to act upon them?
Well, you see, we’re Muslims. We take our guidance and submit to the authority of the Qur’an. Said Qur’an tells us that sex with a person of the same gender is an abomination and we take God’s word for it. We don’t let our limited minds, whims, desires, culture, time period, favorite TV shows or celebrities, mainstream viewpoint tell us otherwise. Because that’s what makes us Muslims.
I’m very disappointed. If you are going to be this intolerant, please continue sweeping the issue under the carpet.At least that way, gays and lesbians minds won’t be poisoned by ignorant suggestions.
For your information, There is no cure for homosexuality and there will never be. Praying won’t help.Resisting the temptations won’t help.Because homosexuality isn’t just about sex, It’s also about love and every human being needs love.Please,read more on the subject before speaking so blithely about it.You can’t label people’s identity as sin.It’s like saying someone’s whole existence is sinful.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
It seems pretty strange in this era there are so many “homosexuals>.” One wonders how all the “homosexuals” of the past kept themselves hidden.
In any case, this is utter rubbish. It’s a sin, and it is punished. I don’t go around telling people about strange desires I have and wanting them to accept me.
As for the “love part”-that is atrocious love. You could say the same thing for a mother and her son-but subhanAllah that is haram as well and a severe immorality.
It seems you’re unaware of the history of homosexual love in Islamic nations. Homosexual love was both prevalent and tolerated in the past.
Countless poems and stories were written about the beauty of youths and erotic love between men.Some of these poems and stories are very well-known and anyone with a little knowledge about Middle Eastern literature would know about them.
Yeah, nobody is saying sodomdy was invented in 1966, it is old as it gets. It has been part of human history, and continue to be part of it until History itself will end (which hopefully won’t be too far off), but did they have gay pride days in the past ? Did Muslims, in particular, have debates weather “open” homosexuals should be allowed to fully integrated into our communities ? or weather or astaghfirullah there should be homosexual “unions” ? Ahemmm NO.
Some old arguments; please read my (& others)comments above.
(I dare say, that female sentimentality may have something to do with this)
Your reply is very insulting.Should we women not bother our pretty little heads with serious issues like this and leave them to wise and strong men?
Homosexuality has deeply emotional consequences in society.Many people experience overwhelming pain because our culture teaches us that homosexuality is not only sinful but abhorrent and heinous.It’s very illogical to ignore all this and chuck it up to sentimentality.I have read your comments Hyde and i see no solutions in them.
First of all a politicized Muslima can do wonders for this ummah…recently I saw a wonderful hijabi sister, very eloquently defend her religion against a heretical misanthrope. In fact it would do wonders to have practising, orthodox (nonsecular/liberalist) Muslim women get involved with political islam.
So that is that with the pretty little head comment.
And sodomy IS abhorrent and heinous when allowed to be part of mainstream society.
And by female sentimentality I meant this effusive, obsequious “pretty politically correctness” that may come from the fact women are generally more compassionate and merciful towards…well most things, even things they perhaps should not be.
And I never said in any of comments that I have a panacea for the ills of sodomy, I don’t. Nobody does. This is the sign of the times we live in. And much, much worse is yet to come.
agree with Noor
sexist attitudes too, now?
Just saying what I am reading from the comments.
Assalamualaykum,
I accept the fact that homosexuality is spreading- rapidly might I dare add- throughout the world. I reluctantly understand the fact that homosexuality is alive in the Muslim community to a small extent. However, I absolutely cannot tolerate the idea that ‘Muslims’ are justifying their choice- yes, choice- with Islam. Quite frankly, that is absolutely ridiculous.
Have you forgotten about the story of Lut, and their horrific punishment, or is that story to be ignored? Have you forgotten that Allah says: “We also (sent) Lût: he said to his people: “Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds” [Sûrah al-A`râf: 80-81]
Lastly, I’d like to touch a bit on the fact that gay ‘Muslims’ have been claiming that their sexuality is not their choice. Allah (S.W.T) has given us freedom of choice, which makes us superior to angels, for they have no free will. By saying that something is not your choice, you are denying what is granted to us by God. Every single action that we do is our choice, and being gay is a choice in itself. Even according to psychological and medical terms, the word ‘Homosexual’ is a defined as a sexual Orientation or preference. PREFERENCE. Which is also known as ‘choice’.
Once more, I accept that homosexuality is present, and I won’t discriminate or speak to a homosexual person with a disregard for their humanity, but I absolutely refuse to acknowledge that people are justifying their homosexuality with ayah’s that ‘may perhaps be interpreted in various ways’.
May Allah guide you and help you overcome this hurdle that is now yet another adversity and conflict to be faced by all Muslims worldwide. Ameen.
Of course homosexulaity is a choice. You choose to attempt illegal sexual relations with someone of the same gender, just like a heterosexual person chooses to have zina, or rape or kill someone.
If one experiences a homosexual attraction/lust, but one doesn’t act on it then alhamdulillah, may God bless you, but it it’s saddening to me the way some dismiss psychology and brain chemistry imbalance as the cause, choosing an utterly ridiculous ‘I have no control over it, it’s in my genes’ type dodges.
It is also CLEARLY haram.
@Mike Allan
Please correct yourself. Homosexual sex is a choice, homosexuality is NOT a choice. I can choose to refrain from sex but I can’t choose to refrain from what I’m. Again, we need to clean or change lenses through which we are seeing this issues. Only when it comes to “homosexuals” people start using “sex” or “intercourse” as a yardstick because that’s where you win. You have no clue what it is to be a homosexual where the whole world keeps telling you that you are abnormal esp Muslim community. Thanks.
I think you need to clean your own lenses as it seems to me your ‘weishfulness’ edited what I said as your ‘correction’ is just a rehash of what I said. I talked about choosing to have homosexual sex (the sin) quite distinct from having the feelings which you label with the suffix ‘ality’
As for homosexual feelings, I guess there pretty close to homosexual feelings. I can well imagine infatuation with someone (anyone) can grow eventually to the point of having a sexual desire for them – even just “pretend accidental” skin/body contact.
Personally as a heterosexual, I have felt what I’ve described above, but to ‘cut it off’ before anything haram happens, is possible and probably will gain reward if done for the sake of Allah. It’s the physical activity that is the abnormal thing. Just like Zina should be an abnormal thing.
It’s a pity homosexuals try to make themselves different. Newsflash: Your just person with feelings and like everyone else you’ve just got to take responsibility and not act upon them when it would be sinful to do so.
Salam alaykum,
Let me say i am both gay and Muslim. And I was so blessed to have let an Iman early on who put me straight. Being gay doesn’t make you less muslim just like being a fornicator or a thief makes you less muslim, and we all know our masajid have plenty of those in them. I am happy that this issue, like racism, sexism and nationalism, is getting talked out because the REALITY is that there are gay Muslims and if we keep telling people that your sexuality nullifies your deen we will see many more people like me disappear from our ranks.
so many ignoramuses on here- please don’t despair. being gay doesn’t make you any less of a Muslim.
No it does not make you less of a Muslim (Shahada), but it does make you a sinner. It is totally disliked by Allah and very clear, and as clear as committing adultery. Can that be denied? Can a homosexual defend themselves and say ACTING on that is okay? If you were born that way, well hide that secret and die with it, while living a halal life.
How do you explain this:
“Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds” [Sûrah al-A`râf: 80-81]
homosexuality is spreading! LOL! that is utterly ridiculous. Open your eyes and read some history. There are no more gay people now than at previous times in history.
Live and let live, stop judging other people’s humanity- in doing so, you’re losing your own.
The lack of tolerance towards gay people is enough to make me question my faith. If this is Islam, then I am not sure i want it.
I think you have bigger issues to address than tolerating/supporting homosexuals if you are questioning Islam now. You cannot turn to Judaism or Christianity also, since they too forbid homosexuality. So what God will you turn to that tolerates and embraces homosexuality?
Do you know the most favorite relationship to Allah is that of husband and wife. In addition, the only relation reuniting in heaven will be husband and wife.
It will not be husband and husband or wife and wife. Abnormal is slowly becoming the norm. The more we do something, the more normal it becomes. Lets take porn for example- it is widely accepted in America. Married people watch it. It isn’t cheating unless you actually do something, but watching porn is fine.
There are also swingers in this country. That is perfectly acceptable to our society and will become the ‘norm’ soon enough. Giving teens the advise to use protection is preached by so many parents, so we have accepted homosexuality and pre-marital sex and porn as a Christian nation.
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