By Zaheen Uddin
Sitting here, waiting, waiting for epiphany to strike.
Thinking in reflection, sinking in perplexion
Mind winds up, thoughts line up, time winds down understanding hikes
Sensation is in elation, reverberation in air particles’ perception
Suddenly everything is in slow motion.
Because logic, reasoning and problem-solving ability
Are clearer than a summer sky that knows no notion
Of a straggling cloud in the celestial sea of tranquility
Abstract materializes, realizes the vices
Of the hidden within that were veiled before
Synesthesia of the mind makes sounds dance in colorful silence
Violet vox, turquoise trills, lavender lore
Black and white are dark as the day, bright as the night
When shadows are cast behind and the eye of the night outshines the rest
And dark distinguishes danger from delight
With an inner eye that foresees beyond light of the West
Because the evanescent sun extracts the last tracks of day
In between gone and here it is a phantasmagoric sphere
Giving a clear criterion of what is on land and what remains at bay
Beyond which an unconscious ocean is near, so clear
Pristine it appears, but here, not a ray of light shines down
Complex in its contents, deep in darkness
Creatures deep within it are fatefully bound
By the confines of the abysmal harness
Deeper and deeper I plunge within
Pressure strengthens as complex composition concentrates
Steeper and steeper I delve into sin
Wetter, better yet more fettered as it palpitates
Blind now, deaf of sound and unable to comprehend
Light seems impossible in a place where hope dies
Empty, yet so heavy, there seems to be no end
To the evil, the deception, the ineptness, the lies
I crawl myself out with no known avail
It’s too damp and too dark to try
If only I had never set out to subconsciously sail!
At this point it’s so damp I can’t even cry
Too much thinking, too deep, abstract
The window of opportunity is long past gone
I’m lost, I lost black, I’m trapped
The perceptive lights that were once bright are no longer on.
I close my eyes to my impending doom.
I give up, forfeit, let the tides take me
Out of the ocean, out of the sky I zoom
Into the singularity of my soul, and it breaks me.
Silence, solitude, severance and sadness
Nothing, null, nada, naked
I’m left alone in the centroid of madness
Rotten, forgotten, hated, forsaken.
“Awaken,” I hear a voiceless voice say
Within me, around me, surrounds me, intimately
Eyes flash open, body is frozen; I lay
On the bay. I once was in close proximity, infinitely
Ecstatic, erratic, emphatic tears wet my face
Once drier than the most monochromatic and mundane
Who brought me here, where was that place?
And how did I get back to the higher plane?
I knew the answer, yet I didn’t.
Closer to me than my jugular vein,
I felt my pulse, it beat to the rhythm
Of the universe’s call inside the walls of my brain.
Within me, about me, without me, intricately
Designing and planning a masterful plan
Refining and aligning, as I am so insolently
Denying, lying, and crying towards my hands
“Truth was made clear and falsification has left,”
Said once a noble amongst mankind
And the same I say after once being bereft
Of the blessing that was graced by the divine.
That man, that mercy, that messenger, that martyr,
Was a part of my heart, from end, from start
I remember his message, from a life that was harder
Than the toils upon which any one of us embark.
His message was this: “Whatever is willed is never to miss
And whatever misses you was never to hit.”
And “Glad tidings to the righteous of perpetual bliss”,
And “Whatever wrong is against your soul, and good is merit.”
I remember this, and the ember’s hiss also known as desire
Dies down until the illumination of what surrounds
Stops flashing about and what was once furious fire
Is now doused by the waters to douse what’s aroused
Arise from the mist, determined, clenched fist
I realize my purpose in earnest and my wish
And the voice that was voiceless yet I so dearly missed…
Was one I always knew, true as the sea’s blue; I know this.
It wasn’t far, it was always near.
I just couldn’t hear, with my fingers in my ears
So close, so great, so compassionate, so dear
In my darkest moments, do You truly appear.
And so I want to remember You
Wherever I am, if I’m planning a plan You are planning too
With love unmatched I cry tears true
Because of fear, love, trust and weakness of man
You are the Friend I never knew
But always there, for eternity
No matter how dark it is, I can still see You
God, my God, you are always sought internally
Today though… everywhere…
will I look for You.