Originally posted March 2011
Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part II
When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.
I was one to get attached.
Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.
But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.
Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)
There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.
But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.
And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.
And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.
Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.
And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water. You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.
We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.
And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)
After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.
As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.
And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me: “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)
By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.
Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73). And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)
But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.
They let us down.
So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.
We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ﷺ like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”
To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.
Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”
SubhanAllah, praise be to Allah! What a beautiful, heartfelt piece. Yasmin Mogahed, pls write more often!
If you’ve got a moment here’s another take on dunya and it’s fickle nature – http://mehmudahrehman.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/the-truth-about-time/
Mash’Allah! As always Sr Yasmin, you have an amazing way of putting things into perspective and tangible for readers of all ages
jazaki Allah kol kheir
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A truly moving piece. JazakAllah khair.
Jazak Allah Khairan for this article dear sister.
I had certain lingering questions in my mind, and I just made dua that they be answered and believe me I found them in this article, Alhamdulillah!
i love when that happens. Allah is always with us
what a beautiful comment!
“After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.”
This really hit home. JazakiAllah alf khair.
this really hit home for me too. jazakumAllahkhair
JazakiAllah khair Sister. It was beautifully written. Great Job.our articles touch the hearts of every generation. We need more sisters setting great examples for the next generation. I also love your radio show. I ask Allah to keep blessing you with hiqma and passing it down to the umma.
thank you for sharing for the sake of our benefit! really great gems of advice mashAllah
I can just say “WOW”… Masha’Allah this article just had me in a state of pause for some time.
Jazakumallahu khairaan sister..It felt like as if you are telling my story.We are created for worship and we all need something to hold on to.May Allah include us among the people who love him the most.This is the only love that will get thru this duniya and in aakhiraa easily.
Absolutely love this.
It just felt that you are writing my story.
Your video conveyed the same thing
I wondered (after it dawn on me) that why nobody told me about this before? Why those who were experiencing this didn’t tell me beforehand not to love the ‘dunya’?
But with time, I saw that some are so absorbed in the dunya that they cant see this and some are still trying to figure it out.
The main thing is the experience of breaking that ‘attachment’ with the dunya. That experience makes one realize that to what you have stated, that attachment, that hope, that trust only belongs to Allah and the ayahs you have mentioned becomes clear
May Allah bless you sister.
Beautiful article 🙂
Just a slight error though, Eat Pray Love is by Elizabeth Gilbert.
But amazing nonetheless. May Allah bless your efforts.
Fixed! jazakyAllahu khayr
I’ve been thinking about the idea of separating one’s self from this dunya. I feel like the idea of attachment is something every person is tested with, although most are blinded and cannot see the severity of their attachments.
“I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.”
I’ve had this realization as well. At times, we think that we are doing ourselves better by attaching ourselves to emotions rather than materialistic things. Maybe attaching ourselves to people and emotions can be more dangerous.
Subhan’Allah- it reminds me of what my husband said to me when we got married 15 years ago- He said to me “Don’t rely on me, don’t rely on anyone- just rely on Allah”
Of course- being a typical star struck newly wed wife- I was a tad phased. Then he explained “people are fallible, Allah is NOT”
Since then I am ever aware of our lives, relationships, jobs, families, belongings, and even time itself being merely tools. Tools that will be used for or against us.
When one realises that Allah is enough- and everything else is temporary- it helps one stay focused no matter what happens. To put hopes in anything other than Allah will not lead to peace of mind. The beauty of Islaam is that it certainly leads to peace of mind-and THIS is something no amount of money can buy.
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Mashaallah! Great post. Great reflections. Worth the read. Though Im still looking for a more purpose oriented answer to the question “Why do people have to leave each other ?”. “This world is not perfect”:- aint a intellectually satisfying answer, to me atleast.
JazakAllah khayran for writing this! I truly needed to read this & insha’Allah I will go back to it often as a beneficial reminder in this journey to improve myself always.
Beautifully written mashAllah. I did not realize how much this article would apply to me…subhanAllah…I’m so glad I read this.
I was watching the following video of dua khatm al Quran by Sheikh Abdur Rahman Sudais. The following lines forever struck my heart:
“Allah! I’ve lost hope from everyone except from you, and I’m disappointed of everyone except of you, and I’m weakened by my dependence on everyone except on you! So Allah, please do not expel me from your side! If you did, then there are no power and no strength except in you, Allah! Whoever has asked you, and then you have deprived him? (None). Whoever has called you and you discarded him? (None).”
BTW, jazakhallah for this beautiful article and beautiful reminder.
Sorry, here is the video link:
@The Shardul of Allah, Jazak Allah khair for the link, beyond amazing masha’Allah.
Sister Yasmin- you were right masha’Allah this article was just what I needed 🙂 I want to read it once a day to reinforce the main points into my head and eventually into my life insha’Allah. Barak Allahu feeky!
“I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.”
I can relate to this. Breaking this attachment is very tricky. For example, love for your child, so much so that if something were to happen that would cause separation, it can break someone with attachment into pieces.
Thank you for this piece. Even though I am not Muslim , I completely relate to this post so much that it’s a bit scary. I am at a stage in my life where I am understanding that my expectations of man, my inner desires, the void in my heart, can only be filled by God and that has relived me from a lot of pain, heavy heart … Just surrendering and knowing that God can only give me the degree of love and intimacy that I need and a stable life in Him with no disappointments….
Thanks again for this post
“Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.”
-Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya, a great Muslim scholar.
Absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing.
This really hit home. I was wondering all these years on disappointments on the train today and asked for an answer and subannallah I got it. Thank u again.
Truly an amazing article – enjoyed every second of it mashAllah .. May Allah help us and guide us all on this journey in our temporary home into our forever lasting homes in Jannah .. inshAllah.
JazakAllah khayrun! Your article couldn’t have come at a better time for me, thank u so much. By far one of my favourite writers, mashAllah all your articles are so intelligently written!
I feel like Neo in the matrix. Every time I read this I feel like I’m believing and trusting more and more in Allah and life is becoming easier and easier for me to deal with.
Subhan’Allah I have a similar problem and lost someone who was important to me, but I think it was for the best alhamdulilah
Ma sh’a Allah, a beautiful approach to daily disappointments we face everyday. Indeed, we shouldn’t expect anything from anyone, because Allah is the source of everything, because people keeps on letting us down, and we we depend entirely on Allah (SWT), people reactions then don’t matter, because if they do us good, we thank Allah for his gifts to us, and if they don’t do us any good, then we don’t grieve ourselves, because we didn’t expect anything from them originally.
Jazaki Allah khyran.
MashAllah! What a beautiful article. I’m sure many people can relate to this. JAK for sharing.
Absolute beautiful article may Allah reward u for posting
Nice post alhamdulillah.
As the hadith says “God is with the broken hearted” and sometimes we need to be reminded of that…
Amazing! MashaAllah very true no matter how hard we try we can never be fully pleased only if we are pleased with Allah and everything he does for us then we truly become self efficient. We struggle so hard work long hours to buy property,materials,electronics, etc hoping that it would please us but a week later we want something more because we are not full satisfied anymore and this continues. Ok lets say we keep buying and buying stuff and when u have enough to keep buying and staying satisfied then ur happiness becomes dependent on money. I believe in this dunya few people truly have self happiness, the happiness that isn’t dependent on other things relationships,materials,property,wealth, etc. if we have divine happiness with Allah then truly we are successful. My dua is that everyone finds true happiness.Ameen
Wow, JazakAllah khair! That was definitely a beautiful piece!
SubhahanaAllah!!! Jazaki Allah Khair so much for sharing this with us all. Indeed it is Haqq and it a deep and beautiful lesson you have been blessed to learn and to share
Subhahana wa ta’ala, our only goal, our only Lord, our only Cherisher, Nourisher, Protector
JazakAllah Khayr, this is such a brilliant, beautiful & moving article! Yasmin Mogahed, you have an innate talent to resonate such profound feeling & realisation into something so relatable to all us masyaAllah!
Certainly 1 of my favourite writers. This piece resonates deeply to my struggles too & reminds us to never stop learning of our true purpose. Obsession with dunya is a disease in our modern times. Thank you Yasmin, your clarity & lawful introspection to Allah SWT in this article really comes through.
I actually read everything to the end.. Quite the masterpiece. Thank you 🙂
JazakAllah Khayr. A brilliant, beautiful and moving article. Such a profound realisation and poignant lesson Yasmin Mogamed, you truly have an innate talent to reach out & relate to us all, masyaAllah!
This piece resonates to my own struggles too & the need for personal development to purify our soul. Obsession with the dunya is sadly a disease of our modern times. Thank you, your clarity & lawful introspection to our relationship with Allah SWT is a beyond welcoming reminder. Certainly 1 of my favourite writers around.
I don’t know you, but i have already bonded with you!:) I learned the exact same lesson the hard way. I guess the only way you can learn something so profound and liberating is through the hard way, by experiencing pain.It’s human nature to always want to avoid pain and we would do absolutely anything to escape it, but sometimes we are made to experience it to protect us from causing ourselves even more pain. Indeed, whatever God chooses for His servants is for their own good, even though they may dislike it.
Yes! I wrote this poem about that exact nature of pain as a liberator and cure:
Beautifully Said msA!
This is probably the most profound piece I’ve read on this blog so far, and I’ve been reading for many years.
May Allah reward you Sr. Yasmin
Ua r article us rly taught me alot and maashalah mst of ma qsns dat i never had imediate answer…hv jst bn answered……..a.way de article iz much tching and may Allah lead us in realizing His bounty…..and may He lead us in de corect path…cz de curent world iz ful of evils and temptations.
Masha Allah, sister! Very beautiful article! Just what I need right now. Masha Allah, Allah really does understand our very heart.
Beautiful indeed, sister..beautiful..
Jazak Allah Khayr
SubhanAllah, beautifully written. You wrote, in words, what I have been feeling for years after my dear father’s passing. Allah yer7amo.
Some may say that the cruel irony is: turn away from dunya, yet the dunya is all we know. I take comfort in the fact that the people we love will be with us in jannah, as the Prophet indicated with his two fingers, saw. Allah uses some aspects of this life to tell us about the next one, i.e., gardens underneath which rivers flow. That is a dunya analogy, since nothing in jannah is like what is here, yet Allah has us visualize using things in our sensory world. As long as we remember that ‘everything is passing away but the face of Allah’, then there can be a healthy way to engage the dunya. After all, Allah says he did not create it just for play.
Thank you for this piece.
amazingly written…masyaAllah…Thank you
Very beautiful reminder Sis. Yasmin– may Allah allow us to detach from all the entrapments of the material world, yet give them their rights at the same time 🙂 May our love of people be for His sake, and may trial and separation bring us closer to Him, and invigorate our servitude rather than paralyze us.
very powerful, jazakAllah khair
jazaki Allahu ‘7ayr… this is so wonderfully written and its message so powerful… God bless u and make this a sadaqa jariya for u… ameen
Mashallah! Amazing piece, perhaps one o your best. May Allah bless you and give you the knowledge, and wisdom to keep benefiting the Muslims. JAk
MashaAllah I really loved this piece. JazakyAllahu khayr!
@Yasmin Mogahed ,I Seriously Owe you A LOT !
Thanks for this Master Piece !
SO Honestly It is the BEST thing i EVER read !
( Excluding Qur’an)
I ll Print it out ,stick it to my diaries ,title it (The Article that changed my life )
Again thank you <3
that is what I felt too. Thank you!
Ma’sha’allah, Sr. Yasmin, this is one of your most beautiful and touching pieces. Like so many comments have mentioned, it really hits the spot. Indeed, we do put so much expectation on having things the way we want or desire here, when in the end, it all doesn’t really matter, as it is temporary. The one relationship that began before we entered, as we live in and lasts beyond this world is the one with our Creator. A really great reminder to say the least in a time when maybe we get caught up in the various connections, as yo mentioned, while we go about our lives.
Again, truly awesome. Jazak’Allahu Khairan
Really beautiful. You are clearly a very talented writer. MSA
gave me goosebumps. JazakiAllahu kul khayran<3
whatever we say..séparation is painful..it’s a bad moment to live..not to understand..I think..
Salam aleykem sister Yasmin,
I have read alhamdulillah so many articles in this site and many others,but none has touched me so much as this one.
Jazak Allah for putting your feelings into such beautiful words and helping us realize what’s more important,i.e the Hereafter.
May Allah(swt) help to detach ourselves from the dunya,ameen.:)
Wow! MashaAllah. A beautifully written article filled with wisdom and insight. You words touched me at the core, and brought about much realization with in my heart. May Allah reward you, InshaAllah. I would love to see more articles published along these lines, InshaAllah.
MashaALLAH this piece REALLY hit home for me. . . I too am one to get very easily attached and thus VERY EASILY broken. You have really hit the nail on the head by getting straight to the root of the problem- our strength would be to let go of what can never please us, no matter how hard we try. . . But instead place our utmost hope and faith in the ONE who can never ever dissappoint or abandon us!
SubhanALLAH. This piece will benefit so many people!
JAK sister. This is exactly what I needed.
Thank you so much sister for writing this. I found it at a time when my heart was really yearning for the peace this article brings. I wish I could thank you in person for helping me so much. I hope to carry the feeling of liberation from worldly pain, and closeness to Allah, that I felt while reading this article, for as long as I live, inshaallah.
May Allah truly be pleased with you.
This statement is so correct it’s like someone has lived in my head and played my thoughts and put them on paper.
MashaAllah, this is amazing and extremely beneficial. This is just what i needed!! May Allah reward you!
Jazaki Allahu Khair Yasmin for sharing this beautiful and touching piece. I love them all but this one is my fave so far mA…it truly touched my heart and made me feel so much better. Baraka Allahu feeki habeebti, May Allah(swt)continue to bless you and your family =)
your writing is the most inspiring and soul freeing writing that i’ve ever read in my whole life… thank you for writing it down for us… jazakillah Khair….
May Allah bless you immensely for sharing these profound words. This matter is so fundamental to success and happiness. I hope Allah purifies our hearts from dependency on everyone other than Him.
thx you for this beautifull artical>>god bless you..i hope its help the other in their life…thx you again
I get the gist of this beautiful article, but what if something you expect from a relationship is something essential to you? Or what if that relationship hinders you from doing what you wanted to for Allah’s sake and demotivates you?
mashaAllah, this article is something else. I don’t think even the author realises the magnitude of what she has written. This is possibly her Ticket to Paradise, inshaAllah.
CONGRATULATION SISTER, YOU’VE JUST RECOGNIZED THE ABSOLUTE AND THE ONLY TRUTH.
these beautiful words made a profound impact on me today.
thank you for sharing these…
MashaAllah something that sufis of Islam only able to deduct but sister Sarah you are contemplating to the like of sufis thats interesting and entertain us further by bringing articles like this in the future
[…] By Yasmin Mogahed taken from Imam Suhaib Webb’s blog […]
Excellent piece! I loved it! It definitely gave me a new perspective to look at upon my own life because I am the exact same way.
Everything you wrote in your article, in regards to being attached to people, moments, and emotions; that is me, truly!
Jazakallah Khair for this insight! Mash’Allah!
May Allah (SWT) bless you and your efforts.
MashAllah beautifully written sister yasmeen,JazkaAllah Khairan for this wonderful article,May Allah (swt) reward you
This is a masterpiece which will always be close to ma heart!!
Masha Allah one of the best article I have ever read.
I ‘ve always found myself attached to people and feeling for what they did to me and your article gives me a better perspective to look at things…
I enjoyed the psychological analysis of attachment… and personal way of explaining the feelings we have as humans when we love something & that something is gone from us… as far as the religious aspect lol i could do w/o.
This resonates so much. Its hard to come to grips with the reality that we are so attached to everything and everyone. Painful but freeing realization.
I loved this article. It touched me to the core and I learnt a lot from it. Extremely well written and I simply loved how everything was put in context giving me a better understanding of my self and my beleifs and my faith and the last sentence sums everything up in its pure simplicity: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”
Thank u so much
i Just have to say that i kept reading this piece over and over again!..it’s just amazing how you’ve pictured my thoughts into those touching words,that made me have that sudden realization that we all at a certain point are driven by the same urges,we’re created to needy,needing something..someone to rely on,but when we put all that behind and have a deep look into things,we find the best to be relied on;Allah:)..Thanks a lot for sharing this extremely touching article
jazaki Allah khayran it is an amazing master piece
i am soo similar to what you used to be i wish i could become what you are right now , i am now at that stage where im still getting my heart broken and i wish i could be liberated ! i love ALLAH (swt) and our religion but it feels so difficult at this point where im at to just let go of all who i am attached to or what i aim for ,i mean objects or money all that doesnt mean anything to me but true love a trustworthy partner i would lie if i said it dsnt mean alot .. i hope i could reach the point where i am totally liberated inshala
Ya Allah… Thanks for writting this article. really inspired me and pull me away from sadness among peoples who never cherish me
extremely touched and so right on. ive suffered my share of heartbreaks and this was the conclusion i had come to…that i had put my faith in him, and not in Him. and after my most recent heartbreaking experience, i only turned to the One that had been there all along, and I get closer to Him each day. thank you for this piece.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuhu,
MashaAllahu La quwatta illa billah.
May the One blessed you with such clarity of expression, bless your writings even more and make them a source of blessing for all those who read them.
Reminds of the last part of the ayah from Surah al-Hajj,
022.073 ضَعُفَ الطَّالِبُ وَالْمَطْلُوبُ
Feeble are those who seek and those sought!
SubhannAllah. It was those EXACT three words that triggered the epiphany! SubhannAllah. They were mentioned in a lecture that I was listening to. I actually refer to that ayah in this article (see part about creating the wing of a fly) and I speak about it in “Escaping the worst prison”: http://www.virtualmosque.com/relationships/escaping-the-worst-of-prisons/
I write: “The message of this ayah (verse) is deeply profound. Every time you run after, seek, or petition something weak or feeble (which, by definition, is everything other than Allah), you too become weak or feeble. Even if you do reach that which you seek, it will never be enough. You will soon need to seek something else. You will never reach true contentment or satisfaction. That is why we live in a world of trade-ins and upgrades. Your phone, your car, your computer, your woman, your man, can always be traded in for a newer, better model.
But there is a freedom from that slavery. When the object upon which you place all your weight is unshaking, unbreakable, and unending, you cannot fall. You cannot break.”
I remember reading that alhamdulillah. I remember it being one I frantically shared with people.
But more recently I came across this ayah in Brother Nouman Ali Khan’s khutbah where he talks about verses from Surah al-Hadid, “An Overview of Life”:
I wanted to ask your permission to publish this articlein a magazine we publish from our Medical School in Islamabad. Here’s the e-versions of the magazines
asalamu `alaykum br. Yousaf,
You can republish the article in your magazine but please be sure to:
1. Cite Yasmin Mogahed as the author
2. Cite VirtualMosque.com as the original publisher
3. Do not make any changes to the content of the article.
You can see the entire Repost Policy here: http://www.virtualmosque.com/miscellaneous/announcements/article-reposting-policy/
If you have any questions, please email us at info[at]virtualmosque.com
That’s the exact lecture! SubhannAllah. That’s the one. I remember when Nouman Ali Khan got to the part where he mentioned and explained that ayah…those 3 words in the ayah…I actually paused it and said to myself: ‘THAT’S IT! That’s my quintessential problem!’
my beautiful sister, may Allah reward you for sharing this universal strife that is known as dunya, and the importance of holding on to something more lasting.
i read this article right after praying isha’ tonite. i was making du’a and asking Allah to help settle my heart. I am like you…my attachments are on relationships. my heart breaks often and easily. This article is a direct answer to my du’a, subhan’Allah. I was telling myself that i have too many expectations, and that i need to let go of that. However, deep down i knew that totally letting go of expectations is impossible. Intellectually I know that I need to connect more to Allah. I wonder if you have any practical recommendations for how to go about this. I’ve been telling myself for a while that I just need to be content with what I have and not to have expectations, to turn to Allah for that…but I find myself still getting hurt often, being in what I call an emotional funk. How do you create that barrier around your heart? I’d love to hear advice on that. JAK for this. I will definitely be reflecting a lot and attempting to remove my love of dunya…
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I also do believe, like the author does, that this article is meant to be written..a revelation and blessing from Allah to lighten the path for many….in sha Allah…
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Wallahi, this article is one of the most fulfilling Islamic articles I have read on the internet.
Would it also be possible to give some practical steps to attaining a stage in which we don’t play our hope in people/emotions?
Once again, superb article!
alhamdulillah with Allah’s will i found this article ‘alive’ and being a major weeper myself,what you’ve written healed me alhamdulillah mashallah.Even if i will still be crying for the next 20 years i hope it is not for nothing,not for disappointments in al-makhluq,but a cry that will bring me closer to Allah,closer to meeting Him.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said,
“One who weeps out of fear of Allah, will not enter the Hell till milk returns back in the udder(i.e: impossible.)”(Timridi)..
Extremely well written, brings alot into perspective for me.
Truly beautiful. Indeed the heart can see what eyes cannot.
This is so, so, so true:
“…don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13).”
May He (swt) increase His light in our hearts.
am speechless , am one of those who attaches to people a lot and am trying with every single mean to make them happy as thats how i love to treat my friends and thats how i want them to treat me back but they always let me down and i wonder why this keeps happening to me..i started to look at the bright side saying ‘maybe this happens to warn me that i should love Allah and attach to him more than people whoever they are , Allah ll never let me down’ … and your article seriously helped me a lot. it made me feel much better and it pushed me to begin changing my life and my heart 🙂
I am truly grateful that Allah guided me to read your article today, it clicked. Alhumdullilah.
jazakAllah kheir for this heart-warming piece, may Allah use it to awaken others like it has for me. barakAllah feeki..
you just woke me up. cannot stop crying. Ya Allah, let me meet sister yasmin in Your Garden.
These wirting reflects very much my past life, my joy, happiness, sadness always depended on friends and i was always afraid of being alone despite having a huge family i spent so many nights sleepless thinking about what i have done wrong that their angy at me , i avoided disputs with them it was so humiliating i was like a slave without a will and i was disgusted by myself it was really a ugly chapter in my live till i found the greatness in Allah, now i know i will never ever go to that state again, cuz i have found Allah again and he showed me really that nothing is worth in this dunya except him and he is the only one who can help me.
Thank you very much Sister Yasmin.
MashaAllah, I luv d article, but only do not agree about Ibrahim a.s. being let down by the sun, moon, stars… I don’t think that is the right interpretation … from what I learnt, he did that in order to show the people what twere worshipping was wrong.
This actually helped me get through some of The things I’ve been facing and realize my state it provides a great way of explaining the idea. Thank you
Jazakullah Khair for writing this, it touched me on so many levels.
This has nailed it! MASHALLAH!
I have felt every word in this article. It will touch many hearts no doubt!
Thanks so so so much for this article. It indeed is about my life topic … How often have I wondered about the same questions, and after so much pain finally got to the same conclusion, alhamdulillah, but also again and again I’m struggling with that challenge. Your words are exactly to the point. Thanks so much for your inspiring words, this is really something that helps the members of the ummah a lot. Jazak Allahu khayr. May you be blessed by His grace and care, ameen.
SubhanAllah I am left speechless. May Allah swt guide us all, ameen.
mashaAllah. too many gems in one article. May Allah reward you immensely. Ameen
Assalamu Alaikum Sr Yasmin, I truly love this article and the insightful messages that you’ve delivered. The best part in this article is the message of relying on the Creator rather than the creations. Please correct me if I’m wrong, it seems as if you’re trying to escape the pain of this dunya. In my opinion, it’s impossible. The tears, pain, and happiness are the elements of life. This is part of being human. Even the Prophet(SAW) has to go through such pain and disappointments in his lifetime. We must acknowledge and recognize Qadr(destiny)as part of Allah’s will. In my opinion, we should make the best of what we have to obey Allah and benefit us in this life and the hereafter. With this in mind, I think that we should work our best to achieve the best of this world and work for success in the hereafter.
Peace be upon Allahs rasul salallahu alaihi wasallam.
Well written mashaAllah. also, when seeking God we must also hope for the intercession of the beloved prophet (s) on the day of judgement, and to be shaded when no other shade will be given on that day.
wasalaamu alaikum warahmatullah.
MashaaAllah,great article.Beautifully written.JAK.
Thanks for this piec! Its very nice and important. Its has many lessons 2be learn! May Allah reward you wit aljana firdaus. Ameen
“و من يتوكل على الله فهوحسبه ”
Jazaki Allah khayran ! 🙂
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Mashallah, this is one of the best articles i have ever read on the issue. It is so simple and true that you cannot but nod your head in agreement to every word. May Allah bless you and the whole team.Keep it up.
mashallah very sinceere words that touch any heart god bless you
Mashallah This article is so beautiful and so powerful. I am going through tough times in my life right now and I can’t tell you how much inspiration and safeguard this article has given me. I must always remember that whatever happens, happens for a reason whether we like to think that way or not. God knows what is best for us and we need to find the strength and faith within us to believe that it is the right path, no matter how much pain we feel.
Masha Allah, well penned… It is absolutely true… your advise nourishes, enhances & aids… May Allah reward you profoundly in Both Worlds… I am divorced & endorse your sentiments with absolute empathy to a large extend… I survived an abusive marriage by perpetually questioning myself as to my purpose in the marriage, especially as a muslimah & mother… by turning to Allah & depending on Him alone, which strengthened me to such magnitude… that disappointment & hurt was felt more at my ex-spouse’s intellect & his non-profitable choices (for the Aakhirah) as far as his Imaan was concerned… I thank Allah ta’Ala for His infinite Mercy & Grace that He allowed me through His permission to achieve & choose wisely, which was & still is, through His Grace instilled in my heart for all circumstance…. “When Allah guides, no one can misguide… & when any one is misguided, through their choice, no one can guide…” Something to this effect, my Dearest Sister in Islam, you can correct me on this Ayyat of the Noble Quraan & which Surah precisely… But this Ayyat is what keeps me going, repetitively in my mind with constant Muraahabah (reflecting) on questioning my Intentions all the time… May we all be perpetually protected, guided & forgiven in every aspect of our lives, with ultimate success in Both Worlds…. Allahuma Ameen…
OH MY GOD..I SHOULD HAVE READ THIS 15 YEARS AGO….. MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BBEN COMPLETELY DEIFFERENT…. HEY HOLD ON A SECOND…. MY GOD CAN STILL MAKE IT BETTTER… THANK U EVER SO MUCH FOR WRITING SUCH A POWERFUL ARTICLE… GOD BLESS U ALWAYS. SHARAHBEEL
Thanks for sharing this article.This article is so good that i dont have words to pen down here.May allah reward you for sharing this article.
Jazakallah hu khair
Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah. At first, for many many years I can be easily hurt, sad, angry with everything happened in my life in relation with my husband, my son, my friends, my family. But after years of learning to understand Qur’an slowly I can accept all those things and believe that God knows everything happened in our life. He never let us be alone. He watches us, cares us and loves us. Alhamdullillah ya Rab.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. Wallahi I was crying the entire time reading it, I felt as if the letter was written to me. I pray that Allah can put these lessons into our hearts
I learned alot from this article.you are a great writer.
AsSsaalaamu’ a’alaykum waRahmatullahi waBaraakatuh.
Jazaaki Allah Khyran ukhti, subhanALLAH this article is awesome.
May Allah (Subhanhu wa ta’ala) rewards you. I felt the same way about this dunya, but wallahi this article really show me the truth. I really can’t describe for you how much this article help me, it like it written for me, it brought tears to my eyes. May be everyone around you try to make you hurt, but being with Allah (azza wa ijjal) you never going to be hurt, but you will be happy.Nothing better than being with Allah and put all your trust on him. Ya Allah how grateful we should for being a Muslim. Allah Akbar!!!
Really it an awesome article.
Baraaka Allah Feeki and I really don’t know how much I can thank you. Wa Allah el Must3an!
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A very deep thought. It is something we all experience in some way or the other. But if we hold fast to the rope of Allah, nothing can shatter us!
Jazaaka’Allah.. Beautiful and moving article.
I just came across your blog and read this article! You made me realize that we should ALWAYS ALWAYS lean towards to Allah (swt) for everything in life. If you think about it, when the world is not on your side, you can always count on Allah (swt) to be there! This is a very well written article! JazakAllah!
Thank you sister for the beautiful reminder. May Allah keep you amongst those who always seek to be close to Him. May Allah continue to give you the gift of writing and calling others back to Islam.
Awesome article. Great writer. MashaAllah TabarakAllah
May Allah bless you for this heart-warming article…
Amazingggggggggggggg and so true, mashALLAH!!!
Thanks a million, for such an inspiring article. I 100% agree with you, but I keep forgetting and need a constant reminder of how small we are with all our miseries, and how big is God with all his greatness. May your peace of mind never be stained with Life’s misfortunes, and may God make you a lighthouse to those around you.
Greetings from Egypt 🙂
MashaAllah this was a beautiful piece. It’s something that I have always felt but just never knew why or how to express it. This makes me realize the wisdom behind not taking pictures- it only keeps you more attached to moments.
Assalamualaikum ,thank you so much for this article. The messages that you’ve delivered was fantastic. The tears, pain, and happiness are some of the elements of life as a human. Jazak Allahu khayr. May you be blessed by His grace and care, ameen.
Thank you! That essay really was awesome. Too bad I have no way to thank the author! I hope she won something for that essay.
But that author is trying a little too hard to fill her empty-void with religion. She is reaching the extreme where it is starting to sound as if “if its good; then it MUST be a sin”. I believe that is not true! And if a depressed person were to hear it, they would only be repelled by religion. Humans are part of this world, and are not perfect. We are expected to enjoy some good things; and we are expected to enjoy some bad things. There is no reason to think about it too hard. God wants to make worship easy for his creation.
You are trying to hide from the pain in life, by means of devotion. Life is supposed to be happy and romantic. In romance there is happiness in our life.
That romance is very harshly skimmed off with sentences like:
“The people are only tools, a means used by God. ”
I understand, that God is the provider and we only re-place his provisions from one spot to another.
This essay for a young confused maturing Muslim may have some negative effects if not accompanied by an adult to discuss it with.
Thank you for your comments; they help deepen the discussion. You say it is starting to sound as though “if its good; then it MUST be a sin”. In fact it is the complete opposite. The path of dependence on nothing but God is actually the *only* way to achieve true happiness and peace of heart. This does not negate romance or the comfort of companionship. The crucial point is that these are gifts that we enjoy, through and because of God..
God tells us in the Quran:
“Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of God. For without doubt in the remembrance of God do hearts find satisfaction.” (13:28)
“And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind.” (20:124)
So I disagree with you. I think if “a depressed person were to hear it”, they would be drawn to–not repelled from–the only source of stable peace and true happiness.
Two of my favorite quotes of Ibn ul Qayyim (ra)elucidate this point:
“To love Allah, to know Him intimately, to remember Him constantly, to find peace and rest in Him, to make Him alone the [ultimate] object of love, fear, hope and trust; to base one’s act on His control of His servants’ cares, aspirations and will- such is this world’s Heaven, and such is a Blessing with which no other Blessing can compare. It is by this that the hearts of those who love God are gladdened and that the gnostics find life. As their hearts are gladdened by Allah, so others are gladdened by them. For whoever finds his source of gladness in God, gladdens all hearts; whoever does not, finds nothing in this world but restlessness.”
– Ibn ul Qayyim al-Jawziyya
“Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.”
– Ibn ul Qayyim al-Jawziyya
I agree with you sis,and @Tareq, remember Allah says in surah 51:56 And I did not create the Jinns and the human/mankind except to worship Me.This is the Purpose of our creation..
I thought of these ayat when reading this article:
But those who disbelieved – their deeds are like a mirage in a lowland which a thirsty one thinks is water until, when he comes to it, he finds it is nothing but finds Allah before Him, and He will pay him in full his due; and Allah is swift in account.
Or [they are] like darknesses within an unfathomable sea which is covered by waves, upon which are waves, over which are clouds – darknesses, some of them upon others. When one puts out his hand [therein], he can hardly see it. And he to whom Allah has not granted light – for him there is no light.
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This article has touched me deeply. Now I can finally move on.
so well written and SO TRUE. i’ve shared this post with all my friends. i think EVERYONE should read this once. seriously.
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what a amazing article. May Allah reward you greatly for sharing.
It’s hard to keep myself interested in reading such things but honestly I LOVED reading this. The moment I read the title on Facebook I was pulled into it and I felt like I had to read the complete story. I’m so happy I did. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t touch me or the fact that I hadn’t thought some of the same things but I have and you’re right as generations come people worry more about this dunya rather than jannah and it’s sad. I wish more people would read this and understand that our true love, worship and attachment is strictly for Allah swt. God bless you sister!
JazakALLAH &shukran for a great reminder.We must hold on fast to the rope of ALLAH at all times &strive to make us worthy of hos love Ameen.May ALLAH protect you
This was one of those moments, when you are shown a glimpse of the wisdom of Allah(SWT), you article was exactly what I needed in my life at this moment. I was looking for a nice quote to cheer me up and I came across your article, Not what I was looking for, but EXACTLY what I needed.May Allah(SWT) reward you, in this life and in the next.
wow simply a big fat wow besmellah msa bgd to7faaaaaaa n totally explains how i feel… very meaningful and descripitive 🙂
By Allah! This is the best article I have ever read… it was as if I was reading my life. Subhana’Allah! May Allah reward you. Ameen.
Salaam – I just wanted to add a note of appreciation to those already expressed, because this was really something special (masha’Allah).
It took you a quite amount of time to learn this lesson and we are the lucky ones as you have helped us avoid all the hurt, pain and anguish that comes from placing faith and attachment to others..I experience what you have been saying, the letdowns etc..but I didnt think there was anything wrong with my attachment, i assumed it was the people, they just weren’t the right people or the circumstances weren’t right..now I see where the fault lies. Jazakallah for this really good article.
Salaams! This piece has done more than answer the questions I had!! I’ve lost a lot of time pondering on things like ‘why aren’t we friends anymore?’ or ‘whose fault was it?’ and ‘what went wrong?’, when really you can’t blame anyone for the way life is.. Inshaa-Allah, may we find that inner peace we’re all seeking and live a life that pleases Allah (swt)!! Jazakallah for sharing this beautiful piece of work!!
this is a very nice well written article…we all should always remember that “life isn’t perfect”. Insha Allah I’ll share this with as many people as I can.
you are a great writer 🙂 Wish you all the best.
Fatima from Maldives
JazakiAllahu khairan ukhti, ameen!
Your articles are so touchy, involving & motivating subhanAllah. Keep writing.
mashAllah! This article pretty much describes my life. Jazkallah for a great reminder! inshAllah, may Allah save us from getting caught up in this dunya, and make us more preoccupied in reaching Jannah, our only true home.
like a lightning. everything struck my heart and shocked my mind with its electricity. allahuakbar!
I can’t believe I stumbled across this. You have helped me revive what I had lost 5 years ago, my true love for Allah.
JzkiAllahkhayr, iA I pray we all meet in Jannah, our real home.
Alhumdulillah It was almost as if you were writing my story..I just didnt have the realization..but you did..Jazakallah Khayraa sister..Allah sent this link to me when I needed it the most..I am floored! May Allah reward you for each word of yours..I love you for the sake of Allah..see you in jannah inshallah:)
MashAllah Sister, this is a very beautiful article. May Allah reward you.
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MashaAllah…very touching and honest reflection, may Allah bless us all to understand the realities of this life as being temporary and elusive and help us to gain and strengthen our hub/love of Allah and His eternal rewards of Paradise.
I also make dua that the disappointments and difficulties that touch us only serve to purify our souls and elevate our ranks and as you said strengthen our relationship with the Only One Who fully understands our reality and is Fully Aware, Most Compassionate, Most Kind.
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I felt as if i was reading my own condition. Every word in this article describes what i have been going through in the past years and still am…this certainly gave me the answer to what i constantly feel everyday.
I really loved this article. I think it is something that many of us suffer from. Interestingly enough, my veil was lifted after reading “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. She comes to a similar conclusion…that peace can only be found in God and she inspired me to do the same.
Thank you for such an eloquent article.
When community fails each other, the hearts of the people are disturbed. When one part of the ummah hurts, the whole ummah hurts. Let us work towards personal responsibility and the fear of Allaah in regards to our treatment of one another. To avoid causing each other pain is also part of faith which demonstrates our dependence upon Allaah.
Thank you, Thank you and Thank you!!
this artical is so true its exactly what im going through at the moment,its so real,the the only problem i have in life is accepting life i cannot do that no matter how much i try im so lost inside
Very touching – I think you will find many people, both brothers and sisters, able to relate to your wonderful story.
A quick comment though; I worry that people may walk away from your piece with an incomplete picture of their relationship with Allah (SWT) and striving for His pleasure alone. Specifically towards the conclusion, it seemed as though you were eluded to the notion that we may be able to find lasting peace and certainty in this dunya when we are finally able to rest our hope and expectations in Allah (SWT) alone.
It is my belief, and Allah (SWT) know’s best, that even when this step is mastered and we are able to overcoming the temptations of dunya – we find the trials of life continue. And wa a3ootho bel’lah, the possibility of even being tested, in this new conviction and trust placed in Allah (SWT) is one of the toughest tests to bear…
Thank you for bringing up a very crucial point. The tests of this life never cease. If you study the lives of those closest to Allah (the Prophets, the most righteous scholars, etc) you find that in fact they were tested most. But here is the essential part. Regardless of the test, the true peace of this life remains. That is the internal peace. This is the Reality that Ibn Taymiyyah (ra) was expressing when he said:
“What can my enemies do to me? My Paradise is in my heart; it goes with me wherever I am. If they kill me, it is martyrdom. If they exile me from my land, it is a vacation in the Path of Allah. If they imprison me, it is to allow me a private devotion with Allah”. [Ibn Taymiyyah]
Was Ibn Taymiyyah (ra) not tested? Of course not. He was imprisoned and tested severely. But he is getting at a deeper truth: the truth of the inner paradise.
I don’t think the tests become tougher in this new conviction and trust. In fact, it is the opposite. The tests themselves continue—and may even increase. But they become *easier* to bare, because the strength comes from Allah. A simple inconvenience can be excruciating on the heart that is not dependent on Allah, while the greatest worldly tragedy can become easy for the one who is in a state of nearness to Allah. This is because: la hawla wa la quwat illa billah: there is no strength or power except by Allah.
When Musa (AS) was trapped by the Red Sea and an approaching superpower army (a major test), his heart was still calm because of his reliance on God. He said: “Indeed my Lord is with me and He will guide me through.” (26:62) When Ibraheem (AS) was to be thrown in the fire (a major test), his heart was also calm because of his reliance on God. He said: “hasbee Allah wa ni’am al wakeel” (Allah is sufficient for me and is the best disposer of affairs). When Asiyah, wife of pharaoh, was being tortured (a major test), she smiled. Although she was undergoing a major external test, her heart was in completely peace with Allah and He showed her her home in Jennah.
So yes, the tests never cease. But the ability to cope with those tests comes only through the nearness to Allah (swt). Away from Allah, even the smallest test feels unbearable. Near Allah, even the greatest tests become easy–if Allah (swt) makes it so.
Wa Allahu ta’laa alam.
“What can my enemies do to me? My Paradise is in my heart; it goes with me wherever I am. If they kill me, it is martyrdom. If they exile me from my land, it is a vacation in the Path of Allah. If they imprison me, it is to allow me a private devotion with Allah”. [Ibn Taymiyyah]
Asalaam alaikum, from the story above, I can understand how Allah brought you near to himself.
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jazkAllah for this. You have portrayed my past life of 5 years in few paragraphs.
You depended on people and moments. I depended on academic successes, and the yearning to conquer the universe through knowledge and power, in essence, being a super-man. To be immortal. Invincible. To be one whom death cant touch. Who will not enter grave. For whom death does not exist. To be Supreme, one who controls everyone.
Of course, I was grossly mistaken about my reality. I had forgotten that once I never existed except as a minute useless sperm, among other billions, in my father’s loins. I forgot that I once never existed as a inconsequential egg, among hundred thousands, in my mother’s womb. I had forgotten my origins. And of course, forgotten God, as I could not see Him, hear Him or feel Him. He was no-one for me. But that brought turbulence in my life. The extreme rationalism had desecrated my peace. As you rightly mentioned our yearning for eternal, I let go of an eternal God and wanted myself to become eternal. Of course I was dreaming.
Ive been constantly poked by life since then to wake out of my slumber. And I realize that. But its a battle of two nafses within me.
JazakAllah for indirectly guiding me.
Jazak Allahu Khairan, very touching and grounding. I’m glad I stumbled upon this.
Great article jazaky Allah kheir
I always love reading your articles sister Yasmin.You certainly have given me positive influence.
However, reading this last week and reading it again today, it has left me filled with pain and disappointment internally. Basically we can never trust people, even those closest to us. It just feels that goodness of people is shredded and never to be trusted in.
I just think it is difficult to live life always never expecting good from anyone, not even loved ones. Part of believing and trusting in people, is part of our happiness.We cannot live life not expecting to be happy once in a while. It’s as if it is telling me to not trust anyone, because if I do, I am drowned in doom and should never expect happiness in this life.
Even though life is imperfect and isn’t Jannah`, I think we have every right to be happy,some of the time.
I also feel that this article is contradicting in someway; it is telling us to trust in Allah. Nevertheless I think that part of trusting in Allah is trusting the people (“tools”) that surround us.
I BELIEVE THAT WE NEED TO TRUST PEOPLE AND EXPECT THINGS FROM THEM, HOWEVER IF I DO GET DISAPPOINTED WITH THEM THEN ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY FROM THEM & INFORM THEM OF MY DISAPPOINTMENTS SO THE SAME MISTAKES DO NOT REOCCUR WITH OTHERS. DEALING WITH PEOPLE INCLUDING LOVED ONES BRINGS HAPPINESS BUT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARE HURT, IS PART OF THE TEST THAT ALLAH SWT PLACED IN FRONT OF US. AS LONG AS WE REMEMBER ALLAH SWT & FEAR HIM, WE CAN GET HASSANAT (GOOD DEEDS) WHICH WILL ISA LEAD US TO JANAA, THE ONLY WORTHY DESTINY TO STRIVE FOR. JAK SISTER YASMIN FOR THE REMINDER. MAY ALLAH SWT PURIFY OUR SOUL AND MAKE US MUSLIMS HEADING TO JANAA.
I thank you for writing such beautiful essays about attachment. I am deeply moved and inspired. I would like to ask your permission to repost and translate your writings in my website.. Would you let me ? Thank you.
I was curious to know which language you will be translating it to. Can you send me the translated copy when you’re done at: email@example.com?
Yes that is fine to repost. The article reposting policy can be found here:
Jazak Allahu khairan for sharing the message…especially making it available to non English speakers!
Mashallah I enjoyed it to bits…!
Masallah this is beautiful! I beleive that u have helped many people by writing this article. I also love the answer you gave the little girl in your dream. This article is eliquently written, Thank you soo much!! 🙂
Very touching and honest. Touches on a cord we need to understand, and maybe we think of avoiding dependence on other people for happiness, but rarely relate it to God. The points looked at in a different way and said in a subtle and clear way.
Mashallah, very touching and deep article. For a very long time, I have not read something like it.
After reading and contemplating a question popped in my head.
How can we relate one of the messages of this article “that relationships with people should not be our source of happiness” with the verse in the Quran that talked about Prophet Musa’s mother:
[And We favored you] when your sister went and said, ‘Shall I direct you to someone who will be responsible for him?’ So We restored you to your mother that she might be content and not grieve. And you killed someone, but We saved you from retaliation and tried you with a [severe] trial. And you remained [some] years among the people of Madyan. Then you came [here] at the decreed time, O Moses.
I think (ALLAH knows best) that this verse acknowledge the fact that uniting the mother with her child again brought peace, contentment, and happiness. What do you think?
May Allah bless your kindness for sharing this article. It touched the bottom of my heart. I also facing the same question in my life about the dunya. And you have given me the absolutely finest answer for me to get rid of the dunya matter. Allah is the only hope that we should seek for his guidance. Alhamdulillah. Jazakillah khayran kathira.
every single word of your article describes my situation, or atleast what my situation used to be but alhamdolillah i’ve overcome it and your article has made me firm. and i am going to turn seventeen next month insha’Allah, so i’m happy that i’ve learned some really important lessons in the earlier years of my life 🙂
thank you. thank you so much.
your article has touched me a lot, I feel like it could have been me writing it (not half as elegantly!)
I’ve come to the exact same conclusions as you just a few weeks ago, subhan Allah. It was still very enriching to read it. Very beautifully written ma sha Allah.
awesome. . . . . . .
thanks for sharing such a nice thoughts with us sister. . . .
may ALLAH TA’ALA bless you. . . . . .
Thank you for the article. I have one question about attachment. What about the attachment that one feels for their children? After having a baby, one’s whole world revolves around the child – even while keeping Allah’s commandments. Maybe I missed the point of the article, but even our children are a part of the temporary dunya. Having said that, aren’t there some attachments that are part of our human experience?
“O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that – then those are the losers.” (63:9)
I won’t go on and try to actually point this at you, but I hope that this can act as a strong reminder that the ones we love can be our greatest test.
I can’t tell you how much this article applies to my situation. I really needed something like this. It’s just really hard you know, to get detached from a world you had been attached for so long. And by the world, I mean the people of course. This is where the problem arises. When this world starts to be unintentionally everything for you and when you start putting your hopes in people, you’re always disappointed. Thanks a lot for this article.
[…] We were deeply touched by Yasmin Mogahed’s Why People Have to Leave Each Other […]
Am left speechless… Mashallah… Keep sharing knowledge and we shall follow… 🙂
this was one of the most important texts that I read in the past years. Thank you very much for that.
It would be “perfect” 😉 if there would be another article treating the “way of understanding” this whole issue.
Assalamu alaykum sister yasmin, no over-praising in the sight of Allah, but i simply love your articles. Would it be ok to translate your article to Bangla language?
I actually had one of my friends translate your recent article “Salaah: Life’s Forgotten Purpose”
Wa alaikum assaalam,
It would be my honor if you translated it so that it can become more accessible to non-English speakers. I have one request: Can you please send me copies of all the translations as they are great resources I can share with others, insha Allah. I can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jazak Allahu khairan,
Thank you for such a touching article. Not only the subject matter and your artistry in presenting this piece, but the fact that I recognize myself and I know those words! This dunia ( as we write it) is not our home. It is a privilege though, to encounter such loves, such writing, such gifts and such pain that reminds us of the most important love there is.
“It is a privilege though, to encounter such loves, such writing, such gifts and such pain that reminds us of the most important love there is.”
Beautiful. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you.
[…] http://www.virtualmosque.com/personaldvlpt/character/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/ […]
thank you so much
Assalamu alaikum my dear sister,
Not to inflate your ego or anything, but this was an incredible article. All praise is due to Allah swt for blessing you with the ability to clearly articulate what most of us tried to but couldn’t. That uncertainty of being unable to put our finger on exactly what it is that’s been bothering us deep inside for so long.
You basically summarized how our relationship with Allah should be. We need to stop thinking that we’re in control of the results because we’re not; He is. So try your best, put your trust in Him, and don’t worry about the results.
Once you look at life that way, it’s so so much easier to live through its many trials. Maybe this is what Allah swt meant when He says that He intends for us ease, not difficulty (2:185).
This article moved me deep inside because it’s the first time I read, or see someone who is feeling and living exactly the same thing as I do. I read it over and over again, almost every day. What moves me so much is the humility and the sincerity of this article. I can relate to everything you wrote. I am the kind of person who sacrifices herself for others, who cries for others, who can never forget or let go anyone, or anything. I expect so much from people, because I myself offer my life and time to people. But inevitably, I have been hurt so bad so many times… I have been let down by people I loved the most. It broke my heart so hard that for a very long period of my life, I thought I would never recover. I would never mend, never accept this injustice done to me. SubhanAllah, I have become more mature due to hardships. It took me time to become stronger, and not harder. Through my pain, high treasons I’ve been victim of, I can say that I became a very thoughtful person, and it humbled me as well so much. I now know more than ever that I am absolutely nothing against Allaah, and without Allaah. He gives and takes.
Thanks again for being so humble and true. Please know that many people recognize themselves in your articles. The more I come near Allaah, the more I feel blessed with understanding of religion, wisdom, rest, light and tranquility. Even if life hurts and will still hurt, I now know that the only One to turn to is Allaah, all the rest is mere illusion and source of disappointement. Not that we must turn our back from people and things, but rather, we have to count on people very little and search for happiness in our deen, behaviour, character, and strive relentlessly for akhirah.
Masha’Allah finally got around to reading through this, and it’s well done, alhamdulellah.
A sister above commented about feeling sad because she thought this implied not to expect good from anyone, even your family – and I wanted to add, that she missed the point I believe.
I love my children to pieces!!! Buuuut…… they also are a huge test! Of course there is love and so much sweetness and goodness in them – and there are their imperfect sides too. When my daughter got upset at me the other day, it hurt my feelings.
If my purpose in life is living through people, and attachments, then her behaving like that would be painful beyond belief, because my hearts purpose, not the intellectual purpose of a Muslim, but the driving force in my life, as Yasmin mentioned is relationships.
If my husband and I argue, and my deepest purpose in life, emotionally speaking, as been to fill the void of being loved enough, special enough, cherished enough, then my world literally crumbles in a moment where he ceases to meet that expectation.
To find truth is to see yourself not for the identity you wear, but the reality you live. We spend alot of time talking about what we should believe, should feel, and should do – but real change and spiritual growth happen when we realize there is a disconnect between the “shoulds” and our actions.
People in our lives have so much good to give, and they are gifts, but they will always let us down sometimes, hurt us sometimes, because this is simply the nature of relationships.
But Allah never lets us down.
We know this intellectually speaking, in our religious belief system, but to truly have faith in Him, to allow Him into our hearts, to surpass our need of people, is a struggle for so many people.
Assalamu alaikum Megan:
This part was especially powerful: If my husband and I argue, and my deepest purpose in life, emotionally speaking, as been to fill the void of being loved enough, special enough, cherished enough, then my world literally crumbles in a moment where he ceases to meet that expectation.
Jazak Allahu khairan!
Asallams to all,
This article touched me so deeply. I am going through this stage in my life and I felt that it was directed to me, time will teach us many lessons but if we learn the lesson of refocusing our attention to HIM alone and finding inner peace with God alone then and only then can we be unbreakable….I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa baraqatuhu
JazakiAllah khairan for the post sister, ameen
& InshAllah I’ll be translating some of your articles 🙂
wa alaikum assalam brother,
Jazak Allahu khairan. What language will it be translated to? Can you please send me the translations at email@example.com
Beautiful article. I read it every once in a while. Yasmin, I have a question. You talk about attachments to the dunya as being negative (in terms of only depending on Allah), but human beings are not of this dunya, as you state. Therefore, how are the attachments we feel towards those we love pulling us away from Allah, provided that these attachments do not make us dependent on these individuals? Jizakallahukhayr.
I think it’s very important to note the difference between two things: love and attachment. A lot of the confusion comes because in every day terminology, the two words are used synonymously. I’m not using them synonymously here. In a sense, the way I’m using the word ‘attachment’ is somewhat synonymous with dependency. So to say: love without getting attached is the same as saying: love, without being dependent. In other words, let your dependency be only on God. Love and give through and because of your love for Him. Hope that clarifies what I meant.
Hi I am incredibly inspired by reading your story. Actually most of the time I asked this question to me. Why do people have to leave each other? Why relationships break? Why can’t be always happy? Why are we so depending to our friends, moments and other people that we know around us?
After reading this outstanding article I got all my answers for my questions. I would like to thank you so much for writing this article and sharing it with us. Not to forget I would like to thanks my friend, my angel, the most especial person in my life (qandolak Qandahar ) for giving me the link to this article. Even though I may not see her or even talk to her again, i would pray for her that where ever she is she is safe and happy and I will NEVER EVER forget her. Love you bye!!!
Thank you – I really needed to read this.
you really hit the spot and it really put things into perspective for me..Allah (SWT) was definitely giving you a sign with your dream! how amazing. loved the article thank you for it!!
[…] Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part […]
Sister I’ll translate them to Bengali inshAllah
Syukran kathiran! Jazakumullahu khairan! thank you very much for sharing. This article teach a lot to me. =)
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. This is exactly the problem that I struggle to articulate. Although I don’t want to hear it, I need to understand that I will never find happiness in people. Happiness lies in Allah.
But how do you reach Allah? I don’t know the way. I feel like I need guidance, someone to hold my hand and show me the way. But does this desire contradict the nature of my goal? I feel like I need people’s company and support to guide me to Allah swt. Is that wrong?
An imperfect man, in an imperfect world, with a broken imperfect heart feels that precisely because of this nature – that this article was perfect. For me.
So alhamdulillah was shukallah. Jzkallah for being the means to get something so one can let go of all else.
Slm wr wb
Truth always prevails.we all knowingly or unknowingly are travelling to meet ALLAH ALMIGHTY.
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
MashaAllah what a touching story. Thank you so much for posting it….this story can be a reminder for each one of us that the dunya is not for us and that we shouldn’t tie us to anything that’s on the dunya. ALLAH AKBAR<3
MashAllah, amazing piece sent to me from Allah SWT when I needed it most! It as if it is speaking directly to me!
Thank you so much for this beautiful reflection Suhaib. I found my self excitingly chanting towards the screen. Allahu Akbar and only he knows what’s best for us. By being happy just by loving God, then you achieved what most people desperately chase for and roam around the world their entire life for: happiness. While you accomplish at least 5 times and MORE every single day. Alhamdullilah al lazi ja3alani muslim.
Dese words have provd 2 b a rope 4 me who was drowning in d sea of expectations. Thank u
Assalamalekum, Excellent Article. I felt as if It was about me, JAZAKALLAHUKHAIRAN KASIRA
I’ve been suffering with the same pain, as you’ve illustrated in your article, specially in the last ten years. Your entire article is good enough to clarify what and how IMAN should be hold in one’s (Believer) heart and be refrain from materialistic world.
I pray to Almighty for your welbeing. Please make dua for me in your pray.
Really very interesting article which become on right time.
Its true, we must depend just on love of God. All the rest can leave us and dont deserve our pain.
Thank you for this wake-up call!!
🙂 masha’allah Yasmin always speaking the truth like a boss!
May Allah preserve you and increase you in all that is good- in your happiness, husband, children, and all that matters to you. May Allah purify our intentions and make us among the sincere believers, because faith is nothing without nasiha (sincerity). And ultimately, may we be people of Jannatul Firdaws, so that we can see His majestic face and bask in Allah’s glory whenever we can <3
Ameen, and to quote myself from a couple months ago, "DAAAAAANG MASHA'ALLAH!" ;D
Salaamalaikum, This post was so very much related to me.
I am same, i get attached to people very soon. When i hear about anything bad…makes me sad, anxious, deppressed.
this post has made me feel better n ponder.
Please remembr me in ur duas.
MashaAllah, beautiful read. I read this when I just lost my infant son and it was truly a blessing. May Allah reward you.
I loved it!!! <3 so so so true! and the MOST important lesson! Masha'allah! 🙂 I'm going to repost this link on my blog if you don't mind!
very inspiring article Yasmin..keep up the good work 🙂
I always read this article when I’m feeling down. Thanks so much for writing it.
Thank you. The article was very helpful. Praise be to God.
Mash’ALLAH. Well said, it is one those timeless articles that we all need to read to remember our purpose in life, and at times of hardship. May Allah swt bless you and your family, bring you peace and have mercy on you. Ameen.
“whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks.Qur’an 2: 256)”
SUBHANALLAH!!! JazakAllah Khair for the reminder.
Subhanallah, this article explains beautifully the concept of complete and utter faith in Allah. Thank you so much for writing this article as it has really made me realize where the true source of my problems lie.
Masallah your very talented….very well written!! This article was really helpful and inspiring 🙂
This was beautiful. May Allah bless you with Jannat. You changed my vision completely =) I thank Allah for bringing people like you into this dunia to guide us from your experiences.
I can completely relate to this post. I am the exact way; I get too attached to people. For the past 2 days I’ve been feeling very unstable because of a certain things that have been going on in my life and God, Allah really has his way of doing things because I just happened to stumble upon this article and all I can say is thank you. It really made me feel better.
MashaAllah it was beautiful.
Wow, this article depicts my exact emotions sub7anAllah. It was so uplifting though, what a beautiful read mashAllah.
I think this may be one of the most beautiful, thought provoking articles I have ever read in my entire life. MashAllah. JazakiAllah khair for sharing your insights with us in such a poignant meaningful manner. You have a gift for writing and your honesty and sincerity is apparent. Please continue to share it with the world. JazakiAllah khair
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[…] heard/read any of Yasmin Mogahed’s writing before, mashaAllah she’s awesome… Why do people leave each other? is by far my favorite, and I recommend everyone to read it! (there is also a part 2 as well) […]
I am rereading this to remind myself not to get too attached to worldly things as I am leaving my comfort zone and moving to a new territory and a new job… Only Allah will be stable in my life and that is a great reminder. ALHAMDULILLAH
I found this article when I did a Google search on loss and attachments. Although raised in a different faith, I found this article very insightful and I enjoyed it very much. Loss and disappointment have been a continuing theme in my life as well. I used to think this was only always happening to me, and then I realized everyone experiences loss at some point. This really helps to bring some comfort and make sense out of it. Very inspirational.
This is the most powerful article i have ever read in my entire life. It made me cry so much. It made me realize things i was unaware of. It made me shameful. It made me relived.
Over all.. if you were a contestant for the noble prize award for sure you would have won with this article right here!
mashaAllah….such a beautiful piece……alot related to me and so it was really inspiring and helpful….jazakAllah khayrun and keep up the good work,inshaAllah
i love every bit of this article but my favourite was
“This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why”
wow Subhanallah this describes me as i was once happy but extremely sad now because of the changes and this article helps me see the light
mashallah good work sis i hope i dont go back and see my happiness in other people and relationships inshallah
Asalam alikum WR WB,
Masha Allah..such an amazing piece…After I prayed Salah Duhur and invoke Allah SWT for very long time. Then i sat on my bed where my laptop was on. i have no idea how i came on this website for the first time..But SubhAnAllah this article depicts my exact emotions… i can not tell you from start to end i was crying… It was really inspiring and very helpful Jazak Allah Khayrun… may Allah SWt shower you his blessing ameen insha allah keep up with the good work. May we be people of Jannatul Firdaws Ameen Yaa Rubb
Aslam alykum! Jazakallah kher..Its great piece of Advice..and great Peace also..
[…] Do People Have to Leave Each Other? Part I | Part […]
WOW well written. Reading this article describes most of us and you made us realize it while reading this. Something we all get used to and pulled in this dunya. May Allah guide us and forgive us.
inspirable..thanks for sharing this 😉
A beautiful and profound piece of advice…much needed in this day and age where we are all told to expect far too much or else our lives are incomplete/abnormal and so we must surely be failures at life.
Loved it. God bless and reward you for this Yasmin xxxx
great piece of writing! A lot of Men need to read this, esp the men from the subcontinent who attach undue importance to family backgrounds, beauty and teen-aged girls, while in search for a potential spouse, they will delay marriage unless they dont find the ‘worldly perfect package’ of a hoor, custom made for their vain desires.
No wonder so many muslimahs have reached their late twenties and 30s because these men WANT their hoors right here, right now. Says a lot about their level of eeman.
Sorry for the rant 🙂
Am so blessed to be here,am so glad to read thru dis piece of information,is a thoughtful 1,i really need it,cos am goin thru a friend disappointment,bt nw am happy and ready to rely on ALLAH alone and nt the dunya.
Barakah lau fil.
it was a nice read.
What a great deep thoughts.
Remember Allah daily, remember what he has created us for and we must remember to remind each other that Allah is not far away. It is destine that we return to Him and His Glory.
May Allah provide safety to us and to all the human race and may he provide us with faith even if it’s hard to be found.
May Allah protect us from all evil, the total visible and absolute unseen. May Allah multiply our deeds and eradicate our bad deeds. May He bring our hearts as one as He is the Greatest, the Omnipotent, All-seeing, All –Knowing, All- Wise. He is The Eternal, The Everlasting sustainer of the worlds. May He be pleased with us all and may He give us peace and tranquility when none is expected.
Ja zak Allah!!!!!
What The Bleep Do We Know is a documentary from 2004 that explains a lot about this writer – that reality and our individual perceptions of reality are joined by a spiderwebb-thin string, that our identity is defined by our emotional responses, we block out most of reality except the part that we prefer to respond to, and that we can become addicted to our emotional responses which in turn perpetuates our ‘reality’. Being addicted to people is really sad – Entertainment Tonight, anyone?
In our firm belief in the unseen, we find the strength to overcome the day-to-day distractions that keep us from understanding that reality, Allah’s reality, is far more than what we see.
May Allah save us from this type of weakness, and help us to build our spirits into something stronger.
I can relate to this article in so many ways and it’s comforting to read someone else’s powerful reflection. I’ve also listened to the lecture version on OLR at least 3 times now lol, keep writing!
what is OLR? Can u please attach link here for it so others can also listen? thanks
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,,,THESE STORY THAT YOU WROTE,,,IS EXACTLY THE PART OF MY TRUE TO LIFE STORY IN LIFE,,,
great article mashallah
please just check your reference to this:
“To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13)”
Yes, please, the reference given seems to have nothing to do with the surrounding conclusion, I assume there was a typo, but I can’t figure out what it is supposed to be.
MashaAllah this is one of my favorite articles on the web! I’ve read it before, but whenever I feel down, due to broken relationships, sadness, etc. I find myself right back here. May Allah swt allow us to put our entire trust and expectations in Him alone!
I was referred here by Dear Little Auntie just browsing through they’re site but I have to say that this article is so powerful. It is so eloquently written, mashAllah. Thank you for such and insightful piece.
masyaallah.. thanks for the article x
just wat i needed right now x
Sis, your article was amazing, it hit the nail on the head for me. I have never thought of this, (being attached to non-material attachments)this is my problem, JKZ, for this thought provoking article. May Allah (swt)strengthen your emaan and reward you greatly inshallah.
May Allah (S.W.T.) bless you for sharing your insight, experience, and understanding of what seems to be lacking in the most of us. Truly, your words are inspiring to all Muslims, for I have had my share of loving dunya immensely. A lot of people would consider this as a wake-up call, as have I. Im not saying that I will forever not feel love for this dunya, but whenever I do, I will remember your words. You are truly blessed by Allah (S.W.T.) and I hope He will continue to bless you and all of the believers.
Down to earth Brother. You keep it real and applicable for the minds of today and yet you maintain the integrity of the Quran and Muhammad-PBUH. There are not any quick answers to our problems in life. We all have them and they can all be solved. Patience and a keen ear will bring us through every time.
Jazak Allah Khayr.
Salam Aleykum. May the peace of Allah be with you . You are simply one of the Light left on earth to show others in darkness which path is the righteous way.
I want to call you attention to the situation in Malaysia , there are many cases of racism , and it is of the highest Order there . Even A black Muslim brother is not welcome in any midst , rather Indian Gangster embark on beating mercilessly black brothers out here basically on no offend issues .
I wish You can please do something as regards this , I dont know How , But I am sure Allah ( S.B.W) Will continue to increase your knowledge in helping the frustrated muslims in the world . Ameen
Jazkallah for.posting this….all i have to say is WOW. I felt like you took the words out of my heart and posted in this blog. This describes me so much and it makes perfect sense.
At this age of 58, when I look back to when I was 11-12 yrs old and i used to shed tears for my aunts after they left my house after spending vacations. I was possessive to every friend till my university years. However after my marriage, detachement from parents and then death of my husband taught (though cruelly) very useful lesons for my life. The article beautifully explains how peoples love gradually is transformed into Allah’s love. But this can not be injected , experiences alone teach us this lesson, so that we become immune to daily rejections, so called disappointments. Why because we learn to understand that The Creator is our best Mentor and ceaseless Friend, here and hereafter. Thank you for writing an indulging article.
[…] Why do people leave each other? & People leave each other. But do they return? By Yasmin Mogahed Reflections on grief, loss and disappointment that sparked an outpouring of responses appreciating the counsel to free oneself of worldly attachments. […]
Dear sister, you should write more often because many things you say have an impact on people who are totally astray
May Allah swt bless and reward this sister Immensely, she could never fully understand how this helps many muslims of ALL backgrounds no matter their gender.
Masha-allah, very nice and heart touching article, may allah bless u,
But here i want to add few lines on this article and made the reader more clear about what author actually want to convey is not to have any Expectation in this virtual world, least we expect from Others and have full hope, trust, and dependency on Allah and Allah alone, More stable, fulfil and happy we will be.
As it is written “Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13).”
But this does not mean we should stop loving other people and detach from all the attachment we have with other people Beacause what our Prophet(saw) taught us with his life as an example is to love others and with love only we can attain the real faith and become a perfect muslim.
I have read lot of hadith where our Prophet(saw) use to cry for others, make dua in late night prayers, how that can be without intense love he has for others. I have read his way of life where it was mentioned that apart from his regular prayer and giving time to his family, most of the time he used to meet and visit peoples and listen to their problem. His life is perfect example for us to follow and that he shows us to help and love others.
Even our Prophet Ibrahim (as) was a perfect example, when he was going to sacrifice his only son Ismail(as), and what he choose was belief and faith for allah over his own family, even though he loved so much his family and son. That was the biggest sacrifice in whole history and till the end of world, there love of son by his father was tested. But he was having so strong belief upon allah, that allah will never ever let him down. And he was succedded in his faith and shown the world what the real faith is. My point is here is even he was having love and attachment here in this world even though he knew that this world is temperory and not real. But his faith and his belief was more stronger. That is how we have to build in ourself the real faith. There is no harm in having a attachment with other, that will make you a more better person and better muslim.
I am writing this because i got confused and misguided,(No offence on author) after reading this article i got feeling that now onward i will stop all the attachment and love with other and that will lead me to more stronger faith and will make me near to Allah.
Then i got sleep and suddenly in the dream it stuck me that no that is not correct, i have percieved wrongly. This is the love that will make us more near to Allah and make my soul more peaceful.
Allah please forgive me if i have written anything wrong and guide me with right.
I can totally relate to this. There is only one type of attachment I want-that is attachment to our Lord,by holding onto the fundamentals of Islam and acknowledging the fact that He will never leave us.
“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” Subhan’Allah how Great is our Lord!
Jazak’Allah Khair to you sister Yasmin, Li7ub Allah!
Masha Allah! Beautifully written. Thanks.
Please check your reference as it is incorrect.
Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13).
I have tried to search and I am unable to find the correct reference. JazakAllah khair to any brother/sister to help me find find the correct reference. inshaAllah
I think that the author, Sr. Yasmin, is using the ayah as a reference to her statement. This is not a translation of the ayah. She’s referring to this part of the ayah: “Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
mashaallah, well said! thumbs up.
Wow! MashAllah this was such an AMAZING article! It had me hooked from the first word and by the end of this, I started feeling peace like I haven’t felt in quite a long time. Jazak Allah Khairah, for writing such an enlightening piece that will stay with me long after I’m done reading it.
MASHAALLAH !! Superb Reading….
Worth reading again and again
jazakallahu khyran, may Allah reward you in the best way possible.great piece of work
Subhana Allah. I was just feeling so let-down and broken about my relationship. Then I came to this article! Allahu akbar, it brought tears to my eyes! I pray that Allah will help me to let go of this dunya, and to trust Him and Him only. I make dua for the writer of the article, and all the muslims ameen.
May Allah bless You.
MASHA-ALLAH.very beautiful article.i lost my mum in ramzan of 2010.i was shattered for 6 months.later i realised that only ALLAH is permanent and rest all is temporary….so attaching to temporary things gave me temporary happiness….but attaching myself to ALLAH(SWT) gave me permanent happiness…..my heart is stable in ALLAH’S remembrance….and the sole purpose of my life is to please ALLAH(SWT) through my ibadat and good actions.
thank you for this wonderful article
Thank you for this wonderful article.
aswk jazzak Allah khair
This has really touched my heart you know. I feel so broken right now as a Moslem woman, my marriage to my husband has gone and now I am alone. I am a mess, most days I cry. Allah is all I have and my lovely daughter. I have lost everything and am trying to cope. No self confidence, and struggling through each day with my loneliness.
“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altahu sahlan wa anta idh shi-tta taj’alul huzna sahlan.” = “O God, there is no ease except that which you have made easy and you, if you so desired, could make sadness easy.”
I hope that your situation improves soon, ukhtee.
Please can somebody say something to help me. Please.
Dont worry.. Put your trust in Allah.. He will take care of every problem you face.. Assalamu alaikum sister.
Shi, I pray that you will find the strengh to keep on moving forward. Don’t despair… Sheitan makes us despair. May God bless you and your daughter. I am going through hard times myself, and I know how it feels having to be a strong parent, doing what we need to do for our kids but being heartbroken and exhausted inside, and we try to cover it up and be strong in front of the children. I pray that soon your tears of sadness will be replaced by tears of joy.
I am touched by your story.
I would kindly recommend that you start dhikr in your spare time. You can call upon certain Names of God, such as “Ya Halim”(O Benevolent One) or “Ya Latif (O Kind, Subtle One),” or just repeat the first part of the shahada (la ilaha illa Allah – “there is no deity [real object of worship, devotion, love] except God.”
When you invoke or do the dhikr, in your heart feel that God is your only refuge, that there is there no place to go but to Him. Keep doing this, feel the light in your heart grow, feel this light envelop your being, and you will find sweetness and solace in it.
Know that sometimes suffering is the only way God can draw us to Him with the fullness of our beings. This is why Ibn Ata Allah said that “the arrival of tribulations are the feasts of rejoicing for those who aspire to God,” because those who aspire to God know that they draw clower to Him in hardship than in ease. This is also why Rumi says that we should infact seek pain, because pain draws the Mercy and intimacy of God.
Suffering, as the shaikh noted, is one of the greatest gifts of God. Feel the sweetness of your intimacy with Him in your tears, and know that in your patience there are unimaginable rewards, for “verily God is with the patient (inna Allah ma’a al-sabirin)”
Salam Sis Shi, this is a test for u my dear. Have sabr, insya’allah Allah will lighten for you your burden. For in this life is all but a test for all of mankind.. There’s rahma in each test that Allah has given us….. May u overcome this challenge with patience and may ur daughter be your strength to move on from this difficult plight..
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Shi, you wrote so long ago but I only read it now and I felt sad because of your pain. I’m in a similar situation (husband left; I’m alone with little daughter now), so I can really empathize. It’s very hard. I hope you have support and are doing better now. If you want to post back here I will answer you. Bless you. ❤❤❤
Really inspiring…always come here when I am feeling down.
thank you for everything. now I know where to put my hopes and whom to seek. thank you very much.
wow I needed to read this beautiful article… I am like that too, I am not very materialistic but I put too much of my happiness in my attachments to moments, to people… what you say is so true… I need to try to work on it, because I carry to much sadness with me.
This is wonderful..I give thankz to almighty allah for this article and the writer bcos it really tourches my heart…alliamudullilahi
Well done, alhamdulilah. You are talented and blessed, please continue to serve the people with the gifts that Allah has clearly given to you. Masha-Allah….
we have to luv each other cos we should do to others what we like them to do to us.
also cos to attain perfect iman u have to love each other, by giving salam alot
also, it makes the ummah stronger like a family
Story of my life. I cried.. Havent been crying for a long long time. Only Allah knows how much I thank you for this amazing writing.
great article! i go thru the exact same thing in my life. i wish Allah makes us all very happy and very soon, insha-Allah.
Very well written! we all go through this in our daily lives. May Allah swt make it easy on all of us and guide us to the straight path. =)
Jazak Allah khair for this article. I feel as if it was written about and for me, and therefore it speaks to the human condition we all experience: loss. Recently my mother, who was my ‘twig’, passed away and I am having a hard time dealing with the loss. I too expect too much from relationships and when they let me down, i am so upset and sad for days; feeling abandoned. But, as you point out so eloquently and directly, when we suffer the loss of ppl in our lives, we are looking in the wrong place for our security and in trying to create Jannah on earth. May Allah swt bless you for this message and holy reminder. Wassalam
This article was GREAT mA! The words and ideas just clicked.
Wow, story of my life…this is sooo true! Thank you so much for writing this! Now I should change for the better
Love, Love, Love this!! I too had the harsh reality of divorcing myself from this dunya after a rude awakening and now I’m in love with God.He’s my support system, provider, my world and the results I’m producing Mashallah!
[…] Timeless article by Yasmin Mogahed. She’s like my emotional twin. […]
Mashallah, Such a beautiful story,definitely inspiring and it makes us reflect on our own lives and how we have been tested. Not only is everything you say 100% true, but it is written beautifully. I always remind myself that everything happens for a reason and it is God’s will when it comes to one’s happiness or pain. May Allah (swt) continue to guide us on the right path. Alhamdillah!
I AM THE SAME WAY…. ALHAMDULILLAH…. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL AND IT IS TIME TO REMOVE THAT VEIL FROM MY EYES.
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU.
This article truly hit something inside me when I read it. I realised what you were saying related to my own thoughts so well and I hope Allah (SWT) grants you the blessings for sharing this, Ameen!
Can’t get enough of this article. Simply awesome. Thanks 🙂
I could read this for days. Well said. Well written!
The very fact that so many people have commented on this post testifies the extent to which this problem is prevalent in our ummah. We all have experienced it one way or the other. Certainly the solution to everything – literally everything – boils down to this one thing; do we love the dunya over the akhira?
SubhanAllah!! Awesome post sis Yasmin!!
WOW! Thanks for sharing this epiphany with us. I’ve always felt the same way you have but I’ve never really been able to fully express myself. I plan to work on this goal of detaching from dunya but i can tell that it’s much easier said than done. Inshallah it will work though.
This is me, at times I cry so much, because I’m suffering but I need to make my relationship stronger with Allah alone and pray he makes things better for me.
MashAllah, very good advice. Thank you very much for that
Its an excellent post. No doubts the only relationship forever is with ALLAH.
I was in so much unrest and felt heartbroken , and let down. I started searching for something that will soothe my soul and “This article is it” . After shedding tears I found answers to my questions. What an eye opener !
May Allah Subhana Wa Taa’la shower His blessings on the writer of this article Ameen.
While reading this article ,it felt as if I am reading about myself or the author has written it on me. It describes me & my feeling so accurately that by the end of the read I was in tears. Thank u so very much for making me realize so many things.
Loves reading it thoroughly. may ALLAH help us all.
Mashaa’Allah amazing that so many people felt like the article addressed some problems they experience in life. Sometimes the love of dunya is not necessarily directed to materials and wealth, people also love each other too much. The best love, purest love and first love must be with Allah our creator. Allah is worthy of our love and praise. May Allah forgive all the believing men and women. amin
[…] Complete article: http://www.virtualmosque.com/personaldvlpt/character/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/ […]
Jazzak Allahu Khairan, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Your article has been able to grasp the billion streams of information in my mind trying to figure out why I am so attached to people and everything that is really not worth it.
And how come they just keep on letting me down, over and over. Trying to put things in perspective isn’t easy on your own. But you just said it so perfect. And subhannAllah at a moment where I’m in a very big struggle in my life. So again jazzakAllah ou khairan.
such a superb article. JazakAllah.
Jazak Allah brother for writing this article. this is something that I’ve been looking for, for the last couple of days.
remember us in your prayers.
People leave each other because they realise that person is not the suitable one for them. Earlier relationships may be based on physical attraction but that can’t last long once they realise each is very different. It takes two hands to clap. I prefer to think that we come to this world alone and we leave alone. And maybe,Allah knows best. Whether you can find a replacement or face life alone,it’s ok.
This article has touched my soul.
like u i have been subject to unhappiness caused by dependency. after reading this i have a strong feeling things will change or good.
may the almighty bless u for sharing this with us and changing my life. 🙂
“Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect.” Subhanallah profound! This statement sums up why so many human beings have lost themselves trying to fill their never ending voids through external means, even marriage. We are simply chasing what is innate in us, perfection, eternity, and unconditional love something this dunya cannot offer us. I love this article so much and I pray it helps free many burdened souls! Amin. Thank you.
Assalamu alaikum, Masha Allah, what a great article and reminder for all of us. Thank you very much. Wassalamu alaikum.
Salam, it is a nice post with the spiritual feelings. JazakAllah for this post.
[…] edited: chanced upon this article before but totally forgotten about it until a friend share it on facebook recently. not exactly the same, but kinda same. so here’s the link: Why do people have to leave each other? […]
This article raise my spirit up 🙂
[…] Mogahed, her writings are amazing and truly connects to the heart. The first article I read was “Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other?” and it continues to be my one of my favourite articles ever. And then of course, J. K. Rowling; […]
Magnificent article ! May ALLAH bless you ! 🙂
[…] Why Do People Leave Each Other? […]
[…] In the meantime, do read this article by Yasmin Mogahed, “Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other?” […]
pplz or anything leaves us in this dunia for two reasons. One is that we become attached to it too much and other if we do not appreciate it at all.
All suppose to be to use it to bring us closer to Allah by using it in the way He ask us.
What is disconcerting is not so much people drifting apart as their utter nonchalence or placading lies when you try to resume a connection with then, a connection that you never asked to be broken.
We are not supposed to feel that we have grown out of other people. We are supposed to feel that we have grown out of ourselves. If this means complete self sufficiency and happiness in what we have, physically and spiritually, moment to moment , day to day, so be it. But few achieve that so their ready refusal to engage with others who love and support them in any meaningful way is catastrophic for nature itself. The most organised-seeming people in the world might be nothing more than game players where everyone else is a mere obstacle to be overcome – defeated or charmed in to submission. Quiet revolutions of the mind will happen to defeat these people who masquerade or genuinely beleive that they are ‘alpha’.
When the alpha person needs someone, they will, to their horror find, that they actually have an obscene amount of support from people. But then they realise- the alpha person has been nothing but a mirage floating through life, entertaining, handling, but never being passionately meaningful in the slightest. If you do not support what others see to be a ‘weakest link’ then you support destruction of the chain of human life itself. The selfish support annihilation of anything that does not prop up their own merry-seeming existence. The selfish always mask themselves in humbleness, weakness , a self deprecating nature to evade detection. The British (where I am) have been practised at it for years. It is not the same as being good / spiritual / meaningful.
Sister Yasmin,Allah SWT loves you and He has granted you the Hikmat to understand things in their true sense.May He give you peace and blessings in this life and in the Hearafter.May Al-Hakim grant us all from His Wisdom. Aameen.
how could i close Allah ?
i wanna dip my myself into Allah’s love but as like other teens of today i m also distract … could u help me to sort it out ?
How to get closer to Allah? Sweetheart, you can……. Thank him for the sunshine when you wake up……. Marvel at the artistic talents he put into your face….. Dress up for him every day- extra special on Friday….. Talk to him through the day. Express yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for even food if you are hungry… Watch the beauty of nature and thank HIM for giving you sight, and such a beautiful sight to see 🙂 …… End your day with his name. Tell HIM that you love HIM – tell HIM that HE is your hero- ask him to keep you near him and never let you stray from HIM…. ( that’s for starters- and stops none of your other daily actions…. I can go on and on. I’m sure you can (and will) too! 😉
Thanks you very much Nahdiyah sister for your these advice … I dad also the same question how to get closer to Allah SWT… the simple way… the practicable way.
Alhamdulillah how i come across this amazing article exactly at the right time. Just what i needes to open my eyes today and forever ! Jzk for this . May Allah bless you! Allah hafiz
SubhanAllah!! Allahu Akbar!!
Jazakumullahu Khairan Katheeran Katheera for this beautiful article. Allahu Akbar!! Just what I needed at this moment of my life.!! Al-‘ham-du-lil-LAH-i-Rabbi!!
I read this article at a point in my life when I needed to hear it the most. Like the author, I end up depending on people and the relationships with them to define my happiness when I should only rely on Allah. But as humans, we are weak, and need to work on that. I believe everything happens for a reason so if sadness occurs from a relationship or someone that lets you down, it reminds you that Allah is the Only One that doesn’t let you down. He is The One who will always be there to listen, and not judge you, whatever time of day it is. When you depend and rely on Allah, you will never de disappointed and everything else just fits into place. May Allah help us all to build closer relationships with Him, Aameen.
Alhamdulillah and thank you for the article. the objective in this life was to be tested, and the result would be displayed in the next life. what Yasmin had told in the article was spot on to me in this times of uncertainty, the one we could cling on to, depends and hope for is Allah. Any fancy stuffs this world has to offer would only provide a temporary relief, such that we only treat the symptoms but not the disease.
Thank u again for this wonderful article.