I started wearing hijab1 a few years ago and I’m proud of it and happy that I’m doing it. The thing is my family introduced to me to a guy a few months ago for marriage, and it’s been going really well. The only problem is that he doesn’t want me to wear hijab. I don’t know what to do. I want to keep my hijab, but I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?
Assalaamu `alaykum dear Questioner,
I’m happy to hear that you’re passionate about wearing hijab and concerned about your potential fiancé’s negative feelings about it. These are issues that really need to be talked about and resolved before getting married, otherwise they will turn into problems, and then into conflicts!
Have you sat down and explained to him how you feel about hijab, and how important it is for you? In this case I think that you really need to be strong, and take a strong stance, for the sake of your Islam. You also have to think about what this means for your future relationship—will your fiancé (or husband, in the future) be someone who discourages you from doing good deeds? Will he become an obstacle or a challenge in your efforts, when you are trying to get closer to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala, Exalted is He)? What about *his* level of practice and *his* iman [faith]? Shouldn’t both of you be helping each other, supporting each other, and encouraging each other to become better Muslims and closer to Allah Most High? What type of relationship will it be if it is hurting you spiritually and in your deen [practice of Islam]?
Marriage is a very, very serious endeavor and one in which you will be committed to another person, attached and connected to that person, for the rest of your life. There will never be any imam, teacher, leader, or friend who will have the level of profound influence and sway over you as your husband will. In short, he will be your whole world and you will be his, as one famous speaker said. My counsel is that you, for the sake of your heart and your deen, make sure to the best of your ability that the marriage you enter into is one that is good for your iman, and that leads you to grow and progress in your spiritual path and your Islam, and not the opposite.
I hope I have given you some food for thought, and I ask that Allah (swt) guide you to the best decision in this matter, one that only brings about good for you in this life and the hereafter. May Allah (swt) grant us spouses who are upright and God-fearing, who help us navigate our way through the murky depths of dunyaa [this life] and keep our focus on the aakhira [hereafter] and Allah (swt).
- Hijab is the Arabic term for the religious covering of head and body for women, usually excluding face and hands. ↩