Gender Relations Islamic Character Men With the Divine Women

Modesty: An Inside-Out Approach

Originally published June 2011.

Think modesty (hayā’). What comes to mind? It could be wearing hijāb and dressing modestly. Or maybe it is using decent and clean speech. Or it might be conducting ourselves with dignity and self-respect around the opposite gender. If we know we’ve fallen short in our modesty, we feel the need to change in some way. So, we try to wear more loose-fitting clothes, for example, or wear less make-up. Or we might try to curse a little less, look at lewd images less often, or flirt a little less with a guy friend or girls at work. But sometimes we find it difficult to change these habits and behaviors. Why is that? Part of the reason is that we overlook the inner spiritual dimensions of modesty; we try to cure the symptoms without dealing with the problem at its root. It is almost like trying to save a dried out plant by dipping its leaves in water or fertilizer.

Maybe what needs our attention is less apparent. Maybe it is our attitude towards Allah (swt), or the purity of our hearts, or the depth and strength of our faith in Allah. If we develop modesty and shamefulness in our hearts, it becomes easier for our thoughts, desires, conversations, and actions to reflect that modesty. When we have modesty with Allah, our manners and behavior with His creation will naturally exude more modesty. So, outer modesty is a byproduct and manifestation of the God-consciousness and modesty we nurture within.

I recently read a book almost entirely on the inner dimensions of modesty. It is called Fiqhu`l-Hayā’ (Understanding Modesty) by Muhammad Al-Muqaddim. I’ve translated some excerpts ((Excerpts have been translated with slight modifications. The section headings are not worded exactly as found in the book)) that I felt capture the essence of hayā’ and how it relates to imān and our relationship with Allah (swt). The last translated portion includes ways to adorn our character with more modesty, both internally and externally. May it be of benefit to all insha’Allah (God-willing).

What is Hayā’?

Linguistically, hayā’ is derived from the root hayiyy, which comes from the word hayāh (life). Heavy rain is referred to as hayyan because with it comes the life of the earth, and plants and animals. Similarly, the worldly life and the afterlife are defined through hayā’; whoever does not have hayā’ would be (spiritually) dead in this life, and also miserable in the afterlife. Some linguists have said: “The life in one’s face comes from its hayā’, just as the life of a planted seed comes from watering it.”

The level of one’s hayā’ is based on how much life is in the heart…so the more alive the heart, the more complete the hayā’.

Technically, hayā’ is defined as a change or a state of humility that overtakes a person out of fear of being blameworthy. Ibn Al-Qayyim says: “Hayā’ is a state that emerges from combining exaltation with love, so when the two are coupled, hayā’ is born.” ((Madarij Al-Salikeen 2/274, as found in Manazil Al-Sa’ireen.)) Some scholars say that it stems from feeling shameful in the heart about something and feeling averse to it.

It can also emerge when the servants know that Allah, the Truth, is looking at them, making them more patient with a certain struggle, or making them feel uncomfortable with their own sin, or making them refrain from complaining.

Hayā’ can also come from recognizing the bounty and graciousness one receives. This is because a generous person would not return favorable treatment with mistreatment.

Al-Junayd, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “Hayā’ is seeing the Signs, and being aware of one’s shortcomings. Out of these two will arise a state of hayā’. In reality, hayā’ is a character trait that encourages a person to avoid shameful things and prevents one from neglecting the rights of the One Who deserves them most.” ((Riyad Al-Saliheen, p. 246.))

Hayā’ and Imān

It is narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “Hayā’ and imān are two companions, so when one increases, the other also increases.” ((Reported by Al-Hakim.))

He ﷺ also said: “Hayā’ is a part of Imān.” ((Reported by Muslim.)) Imam Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) reported that Al-Qadi `Iyad said: “Hayā’ was made to be a part of imān—even if it is innate—because it can either be acquired and adopted like all other acts of righteousness, or it can be one’s natural disposition. However, practicing hayā’ according to Islamic legislation requires that it be acquired with the right intention and with sound knowledge. That is why hayā’ is a part of imān. Another reason is that hayā’ encourages one to do acts of righteousness and it prevents one from committing sins.” ((Al-Nawawi’s Commentary on Sahih Muslim, 2/5.))

Allah’s Love of Modesty

It is narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: “Verily, Allah the Exalted is Modest and Concealing (Sittīr); and He loves modesty and concealment. So, when any of you bathe, let him conceal himself.” ((Reported by Abu Dawud, An-Nasa’i, al-Baihaqi, and Ahmed.))

Al-Mubarakfuri (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “(The Prophet)’s statement ‘Allah is Modest’ means He is Modest in practice, or shows a lot of Modesty. Describing Allah with the Attribute of Modesty is to be understood in a way most befitting for Allah, just like all His other Attributes; we believe in them but do not delve into how (the traits are manifested).” ((Tuhfat Al-Ahwadhi, Commentary on Jami` Al-Tirmidhi, 9/544.))

Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawziyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “…Whoever has a trait similar to one of Allah’s attributes, that trait will lead him to Allah, and will bring him closer to Allah’s Mercy, and will make him/her beloved to Allah; for Allah is Most-Merciful, and He loves the merciful; He is Most Generous, and He loves the generous; He is All-Knowing, and He loves the knowledgeable; He is strong, and He loves the strong believer—who is more beloved to Him than the weak believer; He is Modest, and he loves the people of modesty; He is Beautiful and He loves the people of beauty; He is One (witr) and he loves the people of the witr (prayer).” ((Al-Jawab Al-Kafi p. 77.))

Who Deserves Our Modesty?

A person should be modest with Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted, with the angels, and with oneself. Whoever is modest with people but not with oneself has belittled his self because he does not see it as worthy of his own modesty. Whoever is modest with oneself but not with Allah does not truly know Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted. As such, the Prophet ﷺ told a man he was advising: “I advise you to have shame with Allah as you would have shame (in the presence) of a righteous man from your people.” ((Reported by Ahmed.))

In the words of Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted, “Does he not know that Allah sees (everything)?” (Qur’an, 96:14). There is an implied warning to the servant; if he knows that Allah sees him, then he should be ashamed of committing sin.  Whoever knows that the One he worships is observing his worship will be more inclined to adorn it externally with humble reverence and internally with sincerity and presence. Surely, Allah knows the secret glance of the eyes and what the hearts conceal.

The Prophet ﷺ has made modesty a standard and measure for a person’s actions. Nawwas ibn Sam`an, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that he asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about righteousness and wrongdoing. So he ﷺ responded: “Righteousness is good character and wrongdoing is what makes you feel discomfort, ((Author’s footnote: Meaning, there is a feeling of reluctance or discomfort [in the chest]. If it occurs in the heart, then it is doubt and fear that [the action] is sinful.)) and that you would hate for people to see (what you are doing).” ((Reported by Muslim.))

One of the areas where modesty [i.e. shamefulness] should be avoided is in seeking knowledge and in educating. `Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “One who does not know should not be ashamed of asking until he has knowledge, and one who is asked about something he does not know should not be ashamed to say ‘I do not know.’” Al-Bukhari said that Mujahid said: “The one who is shy or arrogant does not gain knowledge.” `Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “How great were the women of the Ansar; their modesty did not prevent them from seeking knowledge about their religion.” ((Fath Al-Bari, Commentary on Sahih Al-Bukhari, by Ibn Hajr Al-`Asqalani.))

How Do We Become More Modest?

If a person’s character traits were completely innate, they would be difficult to change, or replace, or adjust. Islamic legislation calls for adopting beautiful moral traits and eliminating bad character traits. If it was not possible to do so, Islamic legislation would not obligate it. Allah, the Most-High, says: “He has succeeded—the one who purifies it, and he has failed—the one who corrupts it.” (Qur’an, 91:9-10)

Despite that, people vary in their ability, capability, or willingness to adopt or change certain character traits. So, if a person is naturally disposed to express a specific quality, it is easier to develop that character trait even further. This is because his innate disposition (fitra) is assisting him. As related to modesty as a character trait, it can be innate, and it can also be acquired. These are some ways to help in acquiring and developing modesty:

  1. Refrain from shameless words or actions, such as foul or evil speech. This will aggravate Satan, who beautifies these actions, and tempts people with them. So, not engaging in such actions would actually make him hopeless, and he would in turn retract in disgrace.
  2. Continuously learn about the benefits of modesty, and expose one’s heart to them repeatedly. Also, making a commitment to gaining the highest levels of modesty, and actively adorning oneself with it.
  3. Strengthen imān and belief in the heart, because modesty is a fruit of imān and knowing Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted.
  4. Worship Allah (swt) by reflecting on His Beautiful Names and Attributes, which bring about Allah-consciousness and excellent (character and behavior). Examples of such Names would be: The Witness, The Overseer, The All-Knowing, The All-Hearing, The All-Seeing, The All-Encompassing, and The Protector. Hatim Al-Asam said: “Make a pact with yourself in three (areas): when you do something, remember that Allah sees you, and when you speak, remember that Allah hears you, and when you are silent, remember Allah’s knowledge of your inner (thoughts, feelings, and being).”
  5. Consistently observe the obligatory and recommended worship, like prayer. Allah, the Most-High, said: “Verily, prayer prevents lewdness and evil deeds.” It was said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ: “So and so prays all night, but when he wakes up he steals!” So, he ﷺ said: “What you mentioned [i.e. his prayers] will [eventually] prevent him from that.” Or he said: “His prayers will prevent him.” ((Reported by Ahmed.)) Zakah is another example. Allah, Most-Glorified, says regarding zakah: “Take a portion of their wealth as charity [zakah] to purify them and increase them with it.” (Qur’an, 9:103)
  6. Always be truthful and avoid dishonesty. This is because truthfulness will guide a person to righteousness, and modesty is a part of righteousness. The Prophet ﷺ said: “You should be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to paradise…” ((Reported by Bukhari and Muslim.))
  7. Actively practice modesty on a regular basis so that it becomes a natural disposition. This will require beautifying oneself with patience.
  8. See righteous people, intermingle with them, listen to them, and learn from their modesty. Some scholars have said: “Enliven your modesty by sitting with those whom you would feel shameful around.” Mujahid said: “If all that a Muslim benefits from his brother is that his feeling of shame with him prevents him from sinning, then that would suffice him.” ((Makarim Al-Akhlaq [p. 84].))
  9. Bring to mind the modesty of the greatest example for mankind, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and learn about his Seerah and his noble traits. Also, bring to mind the modesty of his companions and their lives, especially the righteous caliphs, the ten given glad tidings of paradise, those who witnessed Badr, and the Pledge of Ridwan, and the rest of the Muhajireen and the Ansar, and those who followed in their footsteps from the people of knowledge and faith.
  10. Remove oneself from a corrupted environment that keeps one away from good character. Do not accompany those who show little modesty; befriend righteous people instead. In the Prophetic narration about the man who killed one hundred souls, the knowledgeable man said: “…And who can stand between you and a sincere repentance? Go to so and so land, for you will find people there who worship Allah. So, worship Allah with them, and do not return to your land because it is a land of evil…” ((Reported by Bukhari and Muslim.))

We seek Allah’s forgiveness for every misstep, and for every mistake we made with the pen; and we seek His forgiveness for any words that do not match our actions; we seek His forgiveness for anything we showed or revealed of knowledge despite our shortcomings; we ask that He makes us act upon what we know, for His sake only, and that He places this knowledge on our scale of righteous deeds when our deeds are presented before us. Verily, He is Most-Benevolent and Generous.

About the author

Naiyerah Kolkailah

Naiyerah Kolkailah was born and raised in San Luis Obispo, California. She graduated from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, with a B.S. in Biological Sciences, and a minor in Religious Studies. During her college years, she served as President of the Muslim Students’ Association (MSA) and Vice President of the statewide organization, MSA-West. In 2011, Naiyerah received a Diploma in Islamic Studies from the Faculty of Islamic Studies at Qatar Foundation in Doha, Qatar. In 2012, she received a license in memorization and recitation of the Qur’an from Shaykh Uthman Khan, whom she continues to study Tajweed with at Jaamiah Jazriyyah. Naiyerah currently lives in Pismo Beach, California, where she co-directs an Islamic Studies youth program, private tutors women and children in Qur’anic recitation and memorization, and speaks about Islam at local churches, interfaith events and Islam classes. She is also serving as President of the Board of Directors of the Islamic Society of San Luis Obispo County. Naiyerah can be reached at


    • Masha’Allah such wise and beautiful gems and yes as Umm Sarah says- It has become an exclusively external matter. What makes me cringe more is how people love to admonish others for not having haya’a. Also I have often wondered if there are slightly differing cultural aspects to haya’a. What some may find is immodest in one muslim land may not be so in another? Allahu a’lam.

      I loved this bit ” A person should be modest with Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted, with the angels, and with oneself. Whoever is modest with people but not with oneself has belittled his self because he does not see it as worthy of his own modesty. Whoever is modest with oneself but not with Allah does not truly know Allah, the All-Mighty and Exalted. As such, the Prophet ﷺ told a man he was advising: “I advise you to have shame with Allah as you would have shame (in the presence) of a righteous man from your people.”Subhan’Allah!

    • I agree with you, it made me think in that once we become modest in our actions and thoughts, it will eventually be reflected in our appereances, but there’s not point on just to be external modest, while our behaviour is not at all.

  • Very refreshing, masha Allah. “…beautifying oneself with patience.” LOVE IT! This is something I’m constantly trying to improve within myself.

  • Assalamualaykum, i would suggest you to do part 2, talking about how to achieve the internal state of modesty in a more practical and detailed manner… 🙂

    Jazakillah khayran for the article. It cahnge my views about being modesty, alhamdulilah

  • As Salamu’alaikum Wr Wb
    I’ve this article with gr8 interest. I’m wondering how I could a copy of the book you’ve mentioned.

    Hope to hear from you soon.

    Jazakillah and Barakallahum Feek

  • Wa`alaykum As-salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

    Barak Allahu feekum.

    Sis Anis – Thanks for the suggestion! One of our authors will be writing another piece on modesty, and she’ll be covering that insha’Allah.

    Haslinda – I bought my copy from Egypt, and I couldn’t find the book online. If I get my hands on another copy, I’ll contact you insha’Allah.

  • can someone help me clarify this part, i dont quite understand :
    Whoever is modest with people but not with oneself has belittled his self because he does not see it as worthy of his own modesty.

    • I think it means that a person needs to be modest with oneself because he/she is worthy of that modesty, even before they are modest with other people.

  • Assalamu alaikum
    Great article mashallah, is there a full English translation of ‘Fiqh Al-Hayā’ (Understanding Modesty) by Muhammad Al-Muqaddim’ available online sister? I would really REALLY like to read it!
    Jazakallah khair 🙂

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