Life has always been a mystery for me; it is an enigma perhaps no one can solve. But one thing that I’ve been able to discern from my life is that the Qur’an keeps your life in order. The longer and the further you go away from it, the greater the chance of your life going out of control. The Qur’an is that very centripetal force that prevents us from delving into total chaos.
And I say that out of experience. Time and time again, someone was trying to teach me a lesson; someone was telling me beware. And time and time again, I tried to keep my heart shut to any advice. I was warned several times, and I still ignored. I was told by my conscience to keep reading and understanding the Qur’an, but I was too busy to believe it was such a big priority.
Ever since my dad passed away, everything completely changed. All my relationships and friendships became superficial – or perhaps I became too cynical to call them any better. Trying to struggle in this world and fighting out your way all alone is something that supposedly makes hero. It made me a monster.
If there was anything that consoled me during my hardest of times, it was the Qur’an. It gave life to a despairing heart – literally. When I look back at how I managed to keep calm during the first few months after I lost my dad, I realize it was nothing more than my closeness to the Qur’an and understanding through it that this life is temporary.
But then this world overpowered me – I wanted to be successful and make lots of money so that I could keep my family happy – a family that had no son to do the job. I started pushing people away, becoming irritated at the slightest of disturbances. I thought being rude to people was justified given my predicament. It wasn’t. I left reading the Qur’an as I became too busy in my studies and other work. I started leaving my prayers for the first time in my life.
Reality set in when I realized how lonely I’d become. I had no one to rely on to. This paved the way for despair – there was a time when I asked Allah to just take my life, since I found nothing in this life worth living for. But I couldn’t die; I had done so many bad deeds that I had to make up for. Life soon became a torture, I cannot even explain to myself.
As I write this article, I see the Qur’an right next to me waiting for me to open it. How many times has Allah (swt) explained in the Qur’an that everything will perish, except His Majesty? How many times has Allah (swt) told us not to get too much attached to this world because it is a mirage that only disappoints you if you try to make it your final destination? How many times has Allah (swt) spoken directly to my heart and told me to come back to the friend who never leaves? What in the world would make me realize that the reason for my sadness is not the tragedy of life itself, but my abandonment of the Qur’an?
Because no matter how hard we try for the pursuit of happiness, the only thing that will give us so is its true source.
“Only in remembrance of Allah (swt) will your heart find peace.” (Qur’an 13:28)
Perhaps before falling in to despair, we should think if we have tried all doors. Because maybe, the only door we have not tried is the one that was there right in front of our eyes all the time.